Resilience After Abuse: What It Really Means and How to Rebuild
Key Takeaways
Have you ever felt so broken by your past that the idea of “resilience” feels impossible or even offensive?
You're not alone. In this honest and hope-filled conversation, Leslie sits down with licensed therapist and trauma expert Tabitha Westbrook to unpack what true resilience looks like after abuse, trauma, or coercive control. They explore how healing is not about forgetting the past or slapping on a spiritual Band-Aid, but about gently—and courageously—cleaning off your front porch, one step at a time.
If you're feeling numb, overwhelmed, or wondering why you're not "over it yet," this episode will ground you in truth, compassion, and practical steps to begin rebuilding—body, mind, and spirit.
Key Takeaways from Today’s Episode:
Resilience Isn’t Pretending It Didn’t Happen
True resilience doesn’t mean denying the trauma or "getting over it." It means facing what’s been dumped on your porch—the trash, the rats, the grief—and slowly beginning to clean it up. You may not have caused the mess, but you are worthy of healing and peace.
“You’re not responsible for the trash that was thrown on your porch—but you are responsible for whether or not you leave it there.” – Tabitha Westbrook
Healing Happens One Bag at a Time
You don’t have to sweep the entire porch in one day. Progress might look like removing one trash bag, asking a friend for help, or simply opening the front door. Healing is a slow, strengthening process. Each step builds capacity and courage.
“Even if all you do today is open the door and breathe, that’s progress.”
Boundaries Are Part of Resilience
Setting healthy boundaries with people who have harmed you—or who continue to—is not unloving. It’s wise. And sometimes, healing means evaluating whether certain relationships need to shift or even end. But estrangement isn’t always the only option.
“Resilience includes discernment—who gets to come to the gate, who stays on the sidewalk, and who doesn’t get to be in your yard at all.”
Your Body Is Not the Enemy—It’s a Messenger
Many women have been taught to ignore their feelings or bodily cues, especially in the church. But trauma is stored in the body, and your body can alert you to danger or truth—even when your mind can’t make sense of it. Learning to listen to your body is a sacred act of healing.
“Your shoulders don’t have lips—but they speak through tension, pain, and nausea. Listen to what your body is trying to tell you.”
Triggers Are Opportunities, Not Failures
If you're still getting triggered, it doesn’t mean you're failing. It means your body is showing you something that still needs tending. Healing is not linear—and it never ends this side of heaven. But each trigger is an invitation to deeper understanding and growth.
“When you’re triggered, it’s not time to shame yourself. It’s time to ask: What is this showing me? Where do I still need care and kindness?”
Feeling Stuck? You're Not Alone—And You’re Not Broken.
If you’re in a season where even opening your front door feels impossible, please know this: You don't have to do it alone. Asking for help is a holy, courageous first step. Whether it's a friend, a support group, or a therapist, reaching out can be the beginning of your transformation.
Final Encouragement
Sweet friend, healing doesn’t mean you’ll never feel pain again—it means the pain won’t own you. You were made for more than just surviving. With God’s help and your brave yes, you can rebuild your life, reclaim your voice, and rediscover your worth.
You are not too far gone. You are not too broken. And you are not alone.
Learn more about Tabitha and her book: Body and Soul: Healed and Whole
https://www.tabithawestbrook.com