#2436 - Whitney Cummings - The Joe Rogan Experience

[MUSIC]

>> The Joe, Rogan, experience.

>> Shrained by Dave, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[MUSIC]

>> That's just for dice, so cold.

>> Yeah, he just holds on to him.

>> Oh, and he holds on to him and then he swaps him out for a new one.

>> Was the unlit cigarette like the original fidget spinner?

>> [LAUGH]

>> Well, most people don't do it, because most people when they have a cigarette in their hand they want to light it.

But dice has got the ability to just hold on to the cigarette.

>> Do you remember when candy cigarettes were a toy for kids?

>> Yeah, I had those.

>> [LAUGH] >> Yeah, they were priming you.

>> Totally, and they would poof, like sugar would come out.

>> No, I don't remember that.

>> Yeah, you go, and powder sugar would come out.

>> Really?

>> Yeah, am I right, Jamie, am I making that up?

>> I remember them just being like a candy that you saw.

>> No, no, no. >> Just the cocaine life.

>> Parents put on it.

>> It was just a candy stick. >> It's nasty chalk stick.

>> Maybe there was a different one.

Maybe there was more than one kind of candy cigarette.

>> Couldn't you, there was like gummy cigars I remember.

And then the candy cigarettes, that must have been them just trying to get you addicted to just like the motion of it,

or like participate with your parents or something.

>> Yeah, it was just a way to sell candy, but probably also engineered by the tobacco companies.

That was back when they were lying about cigarettes being addictive too, and causing cancer.

>> Well, they used to prescribe it to pregnant women, right?

>> They used to prescribe it for kids with asthma.

>> [LAUGH]

>> Yeah, you need to strengthen those lungs out, fella.

>> And this is my favorite thing.

Did they know, they already knew.

>> Yeah, they already knew.

>> They already know.

>> Everybody had to know.

You smoke cigarettes for a while, you start coughing up black shit, you feel terrible.

>> According to the internet, this pack did have some sort of wood-blow smoke.

>> According to this person on Facebook.

>> Whoa, but I remember I played a lighter or a lighter battery, so.

>> A battery, what that is.

>> Smokes if it stuck on this battery.

>> What the fuck?

>> As kids, we would suck on actual batteries if we didn't want to go.

>> Yeah, remember when you lick 'em too.

>> We would just try to like, just the square ones.

>> Yeah, the nine bolts.

>> We would be in school just like, like, like.

>> Yeah, we would lick it just to get a jolt in your tongue.

>> Ooh.

>> It is wild now, like, yes, the phones are obviously very bad for kids.

But when you think about this stuff, we did as kids.

I was just like, I would just hang out with a light socket for like two hours.

It's all I needed.

A paper clip, light socket, like.

>> Light socket.

>> We're like, yeah, the electric socket.

>> Electric socket.

>> You would go into an electric socket with a paper clip?

>> Did no one else do this?

>> That's really bad.

>> Did you inhale glue or no?

>> Oh, I sniffed it.

>> Rubber cement, yeah, I got it in my gut, okay.

>> Oh, I used to love making models.

I used to make like Godzilla models.

You know those, do you remember those models?

>> Yeah, you had rubber cement glue?

>> You remember those?

>> Yeah, yeah, yeah, you would, I'm in Elmer's too.

>> Yeah.

>> Peel it off your skin.

We just put it on our skin and just peel it off.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> Just like a leprosy fetish or something?

>> Yeah.

Well, the rubber cement glue was a big one, though.

A lot of people sniffed glue.

>> We used to have a glue gun.

My mom had a glue gun.

>> For what?

>> Like a hot glue gun, to craft, crafts, arts, crafts.

>> Okay.

>> Kill men?

I don't know.

When you look, I can check your parents did.

You're like, what was that?

>> Who are you interested in?

>> Why did you have powdered gold and put it in coffee?

I have the men she was dating, what was that?

>> But like a glue gun, there's just so much dangerous shit

growing up when I think about my injuries as a kid.

I'm like, yeah, I got burned on the glue gun.

Everyone's like, huh?

>> Yeah, they weren't looking out for kids back then.

Like when did they start worrying about dangerous toys?

>> I mean, after the 50th lawn dart, Aorta puncture.

>> Oh, I remember lawn dart.

It was crazy.

>> You're just throwing.

>> It's a fucking weapon and they were heavy.

>> If they hit you in the head, you would die.

>> Dude, it was just like tetanus.

>> Right in the heart.

>> Let's look this up.

How many people do you think have died from lawn dart?

>> Not ours.

>> By the way, way more than is reported, for sure.

>> Right, right, right.

>> I'm just putting this here so I don't know.

>> It has to be dozens.

>> And sea sauce.

>> Oh, yes.

>> You remember sea sauce?

>> No sea belt, no, just plywood with handles.

>> With a handle.

>> But we would also, I'd such a testament to our nature,

because we would make it even more dangerous.

Like remember, you'd be on the sea salt.

Like if you were up, I would jump off it to watch the kids.

>> Just to watch the kid fucking plummet to the earth.

>> So sadistic, just kareem to the ground.

>> Okay, what is our sponsor perplexity said?

Pointed metal lawn darts were officially linked

to three child deaths in the United States

before they were banned.

Just three?

>> Definitely more than that.

>> Officially linked from 78 to 86.

Approximately 6,100 to 6,700 people were treated

in US emergency rooms for lawn dart injuries.

Most of them children found lawn dart injuries

led to a 4% case fatality rate in its patient sample

with many severe head and eye injuries,

with help which helped justify the eventual ban.

>> So maybe a couple, but mostly children.

I would like to know the story of the adults.

>> But I mean, people hit people with shovels.

>> All the time.

>> Look, I guess because lawn darts are a toy.

>> But they had a bandit.

>> Yeah, there was a lot of that.

Remember, what are the Pogo sticks?

I mean, those were so dangerous when you think about.

They were just like, they were just like, always.

>> They still have those, though.

>> Pogo sticks, those were hard to do.

>> They looked up the most dangerous toys for kids.

>> Trampolines, remember the ones with the metal coils?

>> Oh, did you ever see the atomic energy lab in the 1950s?

>> Yes.

>> Yeah, it actually had legitimate radioactive material.

>> I love that they were like, you know, a guy's child labor.

This is inhumane, this is wrong, come.

Go, play with some toys.

Here's a radioactive uranium bomb.

>> Well, didn't Michio Kaku make some sort of a reactor

in his basement or his backyard, or something like that when he was a child?

>> What is that?

>> Yeah.

>> A legend.

>> Well, he's like a legitimate scientist.

But I mean, when he was a child, he made a fucking nuclear reactor in his backyard.

>> I went to get a Nyquil or Sudafed the other day and they made me show my ID.

>> Oh, yeah, because you can make meth with it.

>> Right, right, right, right.

>> Sick.

>> Meanwhile, you can get a prescription for Adderall.

We just say you have ADHD.

>> I don't even think you have to do that.

You just have to be like, I'm bored.

>> Right.

>> That is the other divergent, yeah.

>> Right.

I mean, it's all self-diagnosed.

You can't concentrate.

>> Are we going to look back the way that we look at the Nazis and go, like, they were on meth?

Are we going to look back in like 20 years and be like, everyone was on meth?

>> Yeah, everyone's on Adderall, that's for damn sure.

I mean, the amount of journalists that are on Adderall is off the charts.

The friend of mine was telling me, like, all of his colleagues take Adderall.

>> To help them work?

>> Yeah.

>> Because they have so many projects that they're doing that require intense fucking research

and their--

>> Googling, saying JATGPT, please write my article for me.

Did you see, I think it was a New York Times or someone left in?

>> Yeah, Jamie, do you remember the prompt that ends the, you know, what it spits out on

ChatGPT to prove that they had just copy and pasted it, like, wild?

>> Yeah, well, there's a lot of that.

There's a lot of shitty people in every walk of life.

There's bad doctors, bad plumbers, bad journalists, but a lot of them are on Adderall.

A lot of them are on speed.

>> It's just that there's so much adrenaline out there to get.

There's so many, like, natural ways I feel like to get that, you know?

>> Yeah, but I don't think it covers you.

I think if you really want to sit in front of that fucking computer and bang out words,

it seems like Adderall's the way to go.

>> But if you really do have ADD or whatever this is, like, I'm the first to say, like,

what are all these diagnoses?

But because I was prescribed five milligrams, slow release Adderall to sleep.

>> To sleep.

>> If you actually have it, it calms you down.

It doesn't even up you out.

>> What is it?

>> ADHD?

>> The inability to focus or the--

>> Is that real?

>> A busy brain.

>> Dude, I look, I just-- I think a lot of our superpowers are being dull.

A lot of people with superpowers are being dulled by pharma and we're being pathologized

for actually kind of extreme strengths, you know, in a lot of way.

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There's a lot of legitimate people that are arguing that about ADHD.

Okay, good.

I'm not like I've done.

There's a lot of legitimate psychologists, neuroscientists, what it is is you can't concentrate

on things you're not interested in, but you can concentrate on things you're interested

in like heavily.

People that supposedly have ADHD, they can play video games for 10 hours of that.

That's right, that's exactly right.

Well, how come?

Because it's exciting.

Oh, they can't sit in a classroom and watch some pedophile lecture them on fake history

while they're getting hemorrhoids and some like chair with like shitty lighting above

them.

Of course kids are bored.

Of course they can't sit still.

Exactly.

I was reading about how Finland, they don't teach their kids to read until they're like seven

because it's better to have them develop their ability to focus first on the things they

want to do.

So by the time they do learn to read, they actually, you know, can focus.

That sounds like a terrible idea.

You're going to be so far behind my kids.

Well, yeah.

I mean, look.

It's a miracle they're having to read when they're little babies.

If at all.

Like, I mean, yeah, that's the other thing when it's like, don't teach kids to read.

It's like, by that time is an early, just going to learn to read for them who knows.

It's interesting, like having a kid now, I'm like, what do I, what world do I prepare

them for?

Do I even teach the Mandarin?

Or is that just going to be like, remember when you two just put a song on our phone?

Mm-hmm.

It was so weird.

Well, that was Apple's idea.

And, you know, I talked to Bono about that.

He was, you know, it was devastating for them because all of a sudden everyone hated

you too.

They used to love you too.

Yeah.

They had so many hits.

And then I said, "Fuck you, why are you on my phone?"

Is that interesting?

The human nature, if I love something, unless you force it on me.

Yeah.

Well, it's just people are always looking for a reason to complain.

And if you have this song on your phone right away, like, hey, fuck these guys.

But also, I want to hunt.

Let me find it.

Let me feel like I discovered something.

Well, I think they just thought it would be a great way to promote this new album.

And they just really didn't understand human nature.

It's also, yeah, it used to be like, if you saw five billboards for something, you're

like, I got to see that movie.

Now you see like five ads for it and you're like, "Why are you trying so hard?"

Like, if it's good, I'll hear about it.

Yeah, I try to tell it to my friends.

Like, do not get overexposed.

Like, there's a re-- I mean, I don't just say no to everything because I'm not interested

in doing anything more.

Yeah.

But it's also because I'm clearly overexposed.

And you got to know when you're overexposed.

But I have friends that like, they'll do every fucking interview that anybody has to do

every project that comes up, they never have any time, like, I got to slow down.

Yeah, you got to slow down.

Like, why are you doing all this shit?

You're already wealthy.

Yeah.

Why are you doing this?

Be a little mysterious.

Live a fucking life.

That's it.

Live a life on top of what you're doing.

Live an actual life.

Don't wait until you're 60 and go, what did I do?

Right.

Even if it's for-- if you need to justify it through workaholic purposes, like, it took

me so long to get out of my workaholism.

The first time I had to do it by justifying it by going, I'll be better at my work if

I have a life, like, for art to imitate life.

You have to have a life.

That's how I'm going to go get stories.

That's how I'm going to go.

You know, I think especially as a comic now, there's a lot of funny people out there.

I think if we've learned anything from memes and stuff, you're like, I don't-- this guy

just works at Best Buy.

Right.

Who made this meme?

This is hilarious, you know?

Right.

I think in the beginning, a lot of it was like stolen from comics.

Remember, like, that fat Jewish shouldn't--

Oh, yeah.

Whatever happened on that guy.

There was another one too.

I don't know.

But he was stealing memes, or he was stealing jokes and turning him into memes.

There was a couple where you would go, like, that's a Mitch Heber joke.

Like, that's definitely a Steven Wright joke or Demetri or something, but, like, Zach

Alphanakis, or it would be lesser-known comics, you know, like, they go to a lesser-known

comic field, like people that wrote for Fallen or Leno, you know, and--

Right.

Go to a showcase night at the store.

Or, like, get their tweets.

You can just pull their tweets and change it a little bit.

Whatever happened to that guy, because he was hated.

Boy, when he got started getting exposed, he was hated, and then he just kind of vanished.

There was another--

It was huge for a while.

There was another one too, and I don't remember the name of it, um, that was doing the same

exact thing.

But the fat Jewish guy almost seemed like he was, like, a corporate, created entity.

Because he had, like, the crazy hair, right, that weird fucking bun.

That's right.

Yeah.

He was, like, a slob.

Like, he had, like, a wine.

Like, it--

It's sold at the end as a brush for millions of dollars.

I don't know how much--

Wow.

He sell a rose-- Rose, that's what's going on.

What is Rose?

It's a type of wine but actually-- that's what the brand was called to.

Oh, no, no, no.

I know what Rose is.

I know what the brand is called to.

Oh, I always say, "Please, please, slip that."

That is great.

My heart cannot take Rose.

He made a Rose called Rose.

What the fuck's Rose is?

I know.

I'm sorry.

Rose the wine is--

I see that now.

Rose a company called Babe.

Oh, so he sold his wine, and then he just, like, I'm out.

For millions, and now, yeah, so he's about to open a bank.

Oh.

With the starter, we'll see.

Where do I sign up?

It must be hilarious if he's opening up a bank.

Definitely didn't steal those jokes.

Most really hilarious people want to open a fucking bank.

I love that he's just like, "I'm Jewish.

What am I good at?

I'm just open a bank."

That's what?

What the--

It's not even Jewish.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah, Jews are like, "We're not fat.

What is it?

Like, you're shit together."

But also, yeah, that was so-- like, for a second, I was like, "Jo, there's a chance he

doesn't know what Rose is."

No, no, no, no.

I know what that is.

I just thought it was a company.

That's what like, the reigning street killer gives his victims before pushing them off.

Dude, your boy Brandon over here, I was like, "What's up with the reigning street killer?

I always want the updates on the Austin Stereo Killer who's pushing gay dudes up ridges."

And he said, "He's like, I think it's tech, tech guys.

They come down from San Francisco to South by Southwestern.

He strikes when it's like a tech conference."

Really?

And he doesn't live here, yeah.

They're trying to pretend that it's not really a serial killer.

The cops want to say it's not really a serial killer.

I'm like, "How many guys have to drown before you start getting nervous?"

So, they're only gay?

These guys?

Well, it's a gay neighborhood.

That's the thing.

Not all of reigning street, but there's a lot of gay bars and gay spots on reigning street.

How do the cops know the victims are gay?

They're just like, they just check their assholes.

They're like, "I fucked the corpse's asshole.

He's gay."

You know, I've seen that guy in Grindr.

He is gay.

That reminds me of like the Nazi, it's been 10 minutes and I brought up Nazis twice.

The Nazis also killed gay people and like, I'm obsessed with how there were Nazis that

had to find out who was gay.

So did Christians.

Oh, really?

Of course.

It's in the Bible.

I just fucked these guys.

They are gay.

Let's get them.

In the Bible, if a man layeth with another man, you're supposed to be put to death.

That means like someone signed up to be like, "I'll do it.

I'll investigate who's gay around here."

Well, I think it is though.

They were all gay.

Yeah.

That was the crazy thing.

Like, if you go back in history, guys were fucking each other all the time.

Yeah.

That was the Spartans did it.

They had a philosophy that you would defend your lover more because like if you were fighting

alongside a man that you loved, you would defend him more.

Was it love?

Is that what love is?

I don't know.

I'm still trying to figure it out.

Everybody's got their own definition for that.

Like, what is it?

Yeah.

Love is mysterious.

Mm-hmm.

That's wild.

I always am like, "What are the things we're doing now that we're going to look back

in 50 years?"

I remember in 2006 when they were doing that.

Trans surgeries?

Mm-hmm.

100% especially on children.

Also having phones 24/7.

Do you think phones will be like cigarettes will be like?

No.

It'll be in your body by then.

Oh, right.

It'll be fun.

They'll be laughing.

I mean, you just have to carry your phone around.

Right.

Fucking my day.

Right, right, right, right.

You could leave your phone at a restaurant.

Right.

Remember when you couldn't just print from your mouth?

Mm-hmm.

Remember when you could find a phone and just make calls from it because there was no passwords?

You found someone's flip phone.

You just open that bitch up and start calling people.

Oh, it.

Yeah.

You have to shut your phone off.

You go to the Verizon store and go, "Hey, shut my fucking phone off."

And by that, it was just...

Yeah.

It was so hard.

Yeah.

That was the other thing.

You would have roaming charges.

Do you remember those?

Yes.

Also, remember when you lost your phone and that was it?

Oh, yeah.

Now I can find my phone within my own house.

It'll tell me where room it's in.

Well, not only that, if I don't find my phone, I could just go to the Apple Store and

my phone is in the cloud.

And then instantaneously, I get a new phone that's the same phone as my old phone.

There's all my messages, all my notes, which is even more...

My notes are more important than my messages because I keep so many material ideas.

Are you back on up?

Oh, yeah.

Always.

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Yeah, not only do I back them up, but I use other apps as well.

I use Evernote.

A back them up.

Oh, yeah.

Evernote and Elephant was one I was using for a while.

It's the same thing.

Organize.

Organize because you can also search by keyword because sometimes, "Mom brain is real."

But I think it's kind of good.

I think it's like a software update.

It's like the leading shit I didn't need to be remembering anyway.

It's a nice way of coping.

You know, like my hippocampus was just full of some, I actually in some ways feel like

you might be smarter if you forget half the shit you know, because half the shit we

learned has been debunked anyway.

Half of the science in history is not even, so me unknowing it might even make me smarter.

Andrew Huberman was having a conversation with a professor at Stanford and he said, "What

percentage of what's in medical journals and what's taught in school is no longer

applicable."

He said, "At least 50 percent."

Unbelievable.

"At least 50 percent of the stuff that they were telling people."

Look, look, they just turned the food pyramid upside down.

It's crazy.

The food pyramid not only did it used to just be like, like, brand muffins, but it was just

the--

It was right.

It was bare claw.

Like, what the fuck?

Yeah, you need spaghetti.

That's number one.

Spaghetti O's is at the base.

That's so crazy.

Robbie Hildey slightly above that.

And remember, they just had a fish with like eyeballs, like, well, that's actually probably

a good one now, but um--

But at the top, you know, now, like, the littlest amount of stuff you're supposed to get

as grains and you're supposed to get meat and eggs at the bottom, which was always, I

mean, look, there was a study that was, like, widely criticized fairly recently that labeled

fruit loops as being healthier than ground beef.

But who sponsored that stuff?

That's the thing about all these things. It's like, who are these people, and can I see

them naked?

Yeah, it's it.

Take your fucking clothes off.

Let me see what you look like.

That's my same thing about quotes.

You know how I like wearing this quote culture where you'll just like, in puke, probably

don't have this in your algorithm, but it's like, inspiring quotes.

And I'm like, I need to know who said it.

I need to know who said it.

A lot of times it's fake.

You'll see a quote distributed to Einstein, and then I'll try to find out if it's real

and it's not.

Right, right, right.

But it's just sort of like--

Slightly anti-Semitic quotes.

You know, you're like, hmmm.

Oh, it does.

Aristotle really say this.

Right, right.

The Stoics, yeah.

Like, I don't know, man.

But uh--

You already had Jews back then.

There was fucking this guy talking about it.

I'm going to unfollow Ari Shafir once and for all.

But it said General Mills on it.

It said GM on the site when we were all looking at this pyramid.

We knew that General Mills put this pyramid at it, and we didn't even think that there

was a conflict of interest there.

Would you know how the whole Kellogg's, like, cereal thing came about?

The Jerry Seinfeld movie?

No.

Kellogg's.

Yeah.

Do you know, like, why he decided to make sure, like, these bland cereals--

Why?

--to keep people from masturbating?

Sick.

That was the whole idea behind it, to give people bland food so that they wouldn't get

aroused.

Is that what causes erections asking for a friend?

Yes.

That's the only way.

The only way.

Is that how to turn my guy on?

Yes.

Spicy food.

Put it on your pussy.

Really?

Because I remember the-- the Seinfeld thing was the post.

That was pop charts.

So this is how actual cereal was invented?

Serial.

Breakfast cereal.

Kellogg's breakfast cereal.

Specifically, he was, like, some sort of a weird Puritan.

Hey, let's look it up, because he had some really bizarre ideas.

But the primary idea was that if you feed kids bland food, it would stop them from being

horny.

Kids.

Kids?

Do kids get horny?

I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah.

Like 13, 14, 15.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Teen blackies.

Well, as soon as the hormones start going, I remember being like, where is all this coming

from?

Like, you're all of a sudden horny, like, where you were never horny, and then all

of a sudden, you're 12, and it starts coming on, like a storm.

Yeah.

You're 14.

Like, what the fuck?

And all your female teachers want to fuck you.

At the present, if you live in Florida.

They're all just letting you motorbought them between periods.

I think you made that wrong, Bob.

Yeah, it is.

You once you have a kid, like, it really is.

I feel so cliche, say, like, about the ways you change once you have a kid, everyone

warrants you, and you're like, okay, okay, I mean, you really look at every authority

figure around kids differently.

Every teacher, every coach, you're just like, what are you, what are you in this for?

Right.

You're not in it for the money.

Right.

You're getting paid nothing.

You don't have kids to go to school.

Like, what are you up to, dude?

Indoctrinating kids.

Here it is.

Brand flakes.

No, Kellogg's brand flakes were not created stop kids from getting horny.

But the broader Kellogg's serial story is tied to some very weird anti-sex ideas from

the 19th and 20th century.

Kellogg's brand flakes are introduced in 1915 as a high fiber breakfast serial, market as

a health food, a digested and promote better for you breakfast.

Hmm.

Where the sex myth comes from.

John Harvey Kellogg, a physician and seven day Adventist, there it is, did believe that

bland, plain diets, especially serial nuts, could help reduce sexual desire and masturbation.

And he pushed those ideas at his sanitarium.

So what the fuck is the, no, it's a myth.

It's not a myth.

This is his idea.

Mm-hmm.

He believed it and he sold that stuff.

How can they say that's a myth?

Can you imagine how hard the publicistic Kellogg's are working?

Yeah, because--

Make sure that's not a myth.

That's why it's listed saying that it's a myth.

That's the only reason why proplexity is getting confused, because there's a bunch of

propaganda saying it's not.

All you have to do is look at the first thing.

John Harvey Kellogg believed that plain bland diets could help reduce sexual desire and

masturbation.

And he sold plain bland food.

And back then, serial was pretty much just for kids.

You can be assumed that it's going to be targeted at kids.

These beliefs are most closely associated with early flake serial, like corn flakes in

his general biological living health philosophy, not with brand flake specifically, whatever.

So how true is the rumor?

It is fair to say that some of Kellogg's early serial experiments were influenced by his

belief that plain foods could encourage sexual restraint.

So it is a good rumor.

So why are they saying that it's not--

They're trying to type in brand instead of corn flakes, and it's just--

Oh, brand.

There's food.

Yeah, it was the bland bland-- did you think I said brand?

I mean, I typed in brand, because I--

I meant bland.

But yeah, I know.

But brand is a little bit more flavorful.

I used to really like brands, and I love raisin brand.

It's delicious.

Raisin brand is the bomb digitty.

It's so filling.

It's so good.

Especially frosted raisin brand with the sugar.

And we had poor sugar on it, too, because we always thought sugar just gave you cavities.

Nobody thought it was killing you.

Yeah.

So we'd take scoops of sugar and just throw it on those fucking raisin brand.

Dude, frosted flakes was my shit.

Oh, yeah.

That was a big captain crunch man myself.

Peanut butter?

Oh, yeah.

Well, captain.

Captain crunch.

We used to mix white trash until I die.

Apple jacks with cinnamon toast crunch.

Ooh, those are good ones.

Now what, RFK?

Yeah.

Now what?

Yeah, you better let me keep having those.

You know, I don't think you should ban those, man.

I think like it's important to have restraint, and to have the option to do something.

And then--

How about having a little fucking discipline?

Every day.

'Cause that's it.

Yeah, that's it.

That's it.

I was just talking to a friend who has suffered multiple heart attacks from stress.

His doctor says there's nothing wrong with his arteries, and he's gotten these heart attacks

because literally his body constricts.

He's in like a very serious situation.

And his body constricts so heavily that his arteries fucking close up and he has heart attacks.

So what is the difference between-- 'cause I'm all about good stress on your body, exposing

yourself to good stress, and then bad stress.

Your body knows the difference, right?

Bad stress is gonna be like the cortisol, and then good stress.

That's like adrenaline, right?

Well, I'm hoping you're gonna cut me off.

Please cut me off.

It's like a panic effect, so the homeatic effect is like there's an argument with certain

foods, right?

There's an argument against certain foods like that they have phytochemicals in them.

So what they have is like an actual toxin that discourages predation, right?

But some of that is actually has a homeatic effect, and it's actually good for you.

Like what's a good one?

Broccoli sprouts, you know?

What does that have?

Phosphorophane, what is it? What is the word?

I can't remember the beneficial--

Phosphatosis.

No.

Phosphatosis is how they convert sunlight into food.

But like when you're doing good stress, like exercise, and--

So, furophane?

Is that what it is?

Yeah, I think you just said it as I was, I think that's the word.

I think it's so furophane.

Is that it right down the screen?

Sulfuraphane.

Yeah, so furophane.

A plant compound formed when you chew or chop broccoli sprouts, which activates an enzyme

that converts a precursor called glucorophane in into sulfuraphane, broccoli sprouts have

far higher levels of glucorophane in, glucorophanein, and mature broccoli, which is why there are

such a concentrated source of sulfuraphane.

So you're eating the plant's stress.

Well, plants do release chemicals, you want to hear a crazy one?

This is really nuts.

Plants are intelligent, so I'm sort of a weird way.

And one of the things they found is that if, like, say if a giraffe is eating certain

bushes, and they're eating them upwind, and so the wind comes down, and the other plants

recognize that they're being consumed, and so they change their chemical profile to make

them disgusted.

They're just tasting bad, horses' same thing, horses will all be grazing in one place,

and then they'll just pivot out of nowhere, and you're like, what's going on, and they'll

move to different grass.

Yeah, it's like the grass realizes that it's happening, oh my god, it's a grass

apocalypse.

And, like, let's off some kind of, you know, acid or something.

Yeah, nuts.

Wild.

So this is the argument against consuming plants that all the carnivore people use is that

there's these chemicals.

Like, find out what the chemicals they talk about, what are the chemicals that carnivore

diet people think are dangerous from plants.

The idea is that plants can't defend themselves, they're stationary, and so what they do is

they release things that make them disgusting.

Got it.

Makes sense.

It is like, you know, after having, being pregnant, I kind of just surrendered to being

like, what if I just ate what I craved?

Like, let me just let my body wisdom or whatever, like, kind of go, you know, and it was sourdough

bread, not regular bread, just sourdough, which I wonder if that's a lot of the pyramid.

It's a lot better for you.

Right.

Yeah.

Sourdough bread, eggs, and meat, no salad, like, it made me like, nauseous to like even think

about salad, but maybe that was just my blood type or whatever it was.

My wife was really into frozen pizza rolls, those little disgusting things, how biome

for her?

I'm like, are you sure?

That is a Texas bitch, like, through and through.

One of our diet advocates, advocates often argue that many common plant compounds are

toxic or anti-nutrients that harm digestion hormones and/or nutrient absorption.

Carnivore influence usually group these under umbrella, anti-nutrients or plant defense

chemicals.

Oxylates is one for sure.

Oxylates is terrible for you, but the way to get around that is cooking them.

So like, I used to always drink kale smoothies, I used to take kale and throw it in there

with garlic and ginger and drink a smoothie every day.

Then you left L.A.

No, I mean, I felt fine doing it.

I never got kidney stones or anything like that.

But then I started reading about oxylates and then I had a bunch of people on that told

me that you can get kidney stones and I did actually get my blood work done and it was

high in oxylates.

But also, that's from almonds.

I eat a lot.

I used to.

I used to eat a lot of almonds.

Grains, beans, nuts, there it is.

Promote leaky gut, autoimmunity, and general gut irritation, uh, phytates.

What is that?

Phytoc acid, grains, legumes, and nuts, criticized for binding materials that, uh, and reducing their

absorption.

Tannins or other polyphenols described by some meat advocates as additional plant defenses

that can inhibit nutrient absorption or act as pro-oxidants.

But one of the things that I've heard from people that are pretty knowledgeable is that

the issue might not be the actual plants itself.

It might be pesticides.

That's the other thing.

That's the, say the worst thing you can eat at a restaurant anywhere is salads because

it's just covered in pesticides like I am washing my fruit and vegetables more than I

washed my own.

See if this is true because I read this that 100% of all California wines tested positive

for glyphosate.

And out in Malibu, Raytheon, because there was a Raytheon plant.

Oh, yeah.

Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And calm, actually.

Rocket dying.

Yeah.

Just to be in my neighborhood.

Wilds.

Yeah.

I wonder if I got juiced up.

Remember when I went out and before I had a kid and I was just fighting people over rescuing

drafts, I had an instinct to mother and I was just mothering everything except an actual

baby, including drafts, and the wine that was made up there at that place, Malibu

Safari, a test of positive for Raytheon and people were getting sick for Raytheon.

Uh-huh.

How do you test positive for Raytheon?

Like the Raytheon.

The test of 10.

Okay.

They tested 10 and a 2016 investigation by ABC7 news beyond pesticides reported that 10

out of 10, California wines tested positive for glyphosate.

Whoa.

That's nuts.

I'm obsessed with these sort of health and wellness sort of myths and where do they,

like wines, good red wines, good for you.

Like what alcoholic made that popular?

Remember it's like it's got resveratrol, it's yes, it's like the amount you would need

to get the amount of resveratrol that would make a difference is you would kill your liver

anyway.

But like dark chocolate is good for you, like these things we just like, I think dark chocolate

is good for you though.

Is it?

Yeah.

I think that's legit.

I don't think wine is necessarily bad for you.

I think alcohol is bad for you, but I think it also loosens you up and makes you happy,

which is better for you than being sad, depending on where you are, right?

So if you were the group of people, like you and I and a bunch of friends went out to

dinner, we all had wine, we're laughing our ass off, that would probably be really good

for you.

And it removes a little bit of the ability too, and that was always my thing, like I

don't, I've three, three and a half years off pretty much anything, I mean, I was pregnant,

I have a kid, like I, you know, I gotta be focused, like a toddler is just like suicidal,

like I'm, you know, but you know, I think with, at least I'll just be for myself my brain,

a glass of wine, I'm just able to be present without going, is this a good joke?

Which I write about.

It just takes off that, like, sort of like interior anthropologist narrative that is like,

I always have to be categorizing things and filing things as jokes or cross referencing

things and, you know, filing things away for a future stand up.

And I guess the thing, right, it's 'cause you always need new jokes, it's like you're always

farming.

And when you hear something that's like, oh, that'd be such a good premise is like, ah,

you know, sometimes I'll just like do what you do, I'll put it in notes to just file it

away just so that I'm not thinking about it so much, but that's the only thing that keeps

me sane.

'Cause if I don't do that, if I don't, I think it's gonna get away from me.

Same.

At least my family knows, like sometimes I'll jump up from the dinner table and I have to

run away because I know it's slippery.

Mm-hmm.

I'm like, this idea is slippery.

I'll be right back.

I got an idea.

Let me just write it down.

I have to write it down and I come back.

And I don't tell them the idea because it's usually like, what?

Yeah, yeah.

Trust me.

It's gonna sound bad.

No.

Okay.

Jews.

Jews do run the meat.

Just let me, let me flesh it out.

This idea about Jews and Blacks, but yeah, as long as I'm able to write it down, then

I can be present.

Yeah.

And then you know you saved it.

And Neil Brennan used to say that his joke book was basically like a net for catching

ideas.

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Love it.

I have one.

Great.

I promise.

I have a joke.

I'll write it down in my notebook, but I'll, of course, leave it somewhere and it just

looks like my suicide note.

It's just like words.

It's just like kegels, you know, a peasy out of me, like it's just crazy words.

But and that's the other thing that I think having a kid gave me that I didn't even know

was possible, which is what I thought like weed or, you know, a glass of wine or whatever

before was, I've always just been trying to figure out how to get present, like be in

the present moment, you know?

Which by the way, is there a biological basis for being in the present moment?

Probably.

It's probably, you know, was, you know, a detriment back in the day.

You wanted to be like, to stab the head or this is what just happened and like eating

that berry was bad, like being the present moment probably got you killed back then.

But that's what they think ADHD is about.

It's about being a persistent hunt.

We have a problem with the software that we're running and perhaps maybe the computer.

So the last few episodes.

Jamie, please cut my eye out.

I know.

Read it.

We'll love this episode.

They don't love anything.

We need out of it.

There's a bunch of people I'd like to see naked.

All of the negative reticomotors, like you guys need to go outside.

Touch grass babes.

Yeah.

I look at those guys and I'm always just a guy's girl, so I'm like, I mean, I go on

right now.

But like.

They're not binary.

I always think like, if we didn't get to do what we do, would we be doing that?

A hundred percent.

I would.

I would say that like when people are like really mean to celebrities online and comments,

I'm like, I would do that.

Yeah.

One thousand one million percent if I was 16 years old and I had a fucking Twitter account.

And they have a plane.

Yeah.

Fuck you.

You're just like, hey, asshole.

Like, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'd be going after everybody.

I would one hundred percent.

That was all, especially if I get them to respond.

Right.

I'd be like, woo.

Wee.

I got them on the hook.

Look at this.

And then like Kimmel would like read negative comments on his show.

Like you can get on a show.

Is it which is by the way, what's happening with like crowd work?

People come to shows now trying to get into crowd work video.

It's heckling it now.

Yeah.

Especially if the someone is known for responding to hecklers.

I don't know.

The first four rows are people that are like in hair and makeup.

They have like hats on.

Like their tits are out.

Like they're ready with their like, hey bitch.

And I'm like, right.

I'm not filming this show, guys.

Sorry.

Yeah.

People just want to be a part of something.

Do you want to know where I'm from?

Say, I don't.

I don't care.

I'm in Austin.

I know you live.

I don't give a shit.

Well, that's the weird thing about social media and the internet in general is that everyone

has a voice now.

Which is great.

It's also terrible.

Yeah.

It's both things.

It's great because some people emerge from that voice.

Just like we were talking about memes.

Some of the hardest laughs that I get during the day are these memes that anonymous people

have created and someone sends me.

Same.

And I'm like, same.

And then I send them to people.

I don't know who the fuck made it.

Can we pause one second again?

It's now not recording the audio even though we can hear everything.

It just stopped all of a sudden.

Did it record any of what we just said?

That was fucking good.

It's still going.

That was good.

I'm going to trust it.

It's just not visually showing up.

We'll trust it.

Oh, boy.

Sorry.

Having a conversation about being in the present moment.

Don't worry.

Wait.

You didn't record that.

Yeah.

I was thinking so present.

Damn it.

You have to.

I think, you know, we're in this weird, transitionary period where we have a new technology

and that allows everyone to have a voice.

And I think overall, it's very good because you have more voices and it's just people have

to discern what's a valuable voice and what's not.

And, you know, that's where I tell people, don't read the fucking comments.

It's not good for you because you're getting too many non-valuable voices and if you've

done a good job of curating your environment and curating your friend group, you've eliminated

all these people that are really shitty and bitter and jealous and nasty and also like

I have no ability to look at themselves.

Yeah.

Like to all my, like I was just so did Norman's podcast with Samuel and they were talking

about the comments and I was like, guys, like, I've said worse things to you than any of

these comments.

Right.

Like we're comics.

We all sit around and are so much meaner to each other.

Oh, cool.

Any of you.

Me or about other comics aren't there.

Oh, god.

They're worse shit ever.

Totally.

It's just sort of like nothing in this comment section is worse than what Tony Hinch live

just said to me on the phone.

It's in a conversation.

And you laughed.

I just talked to Tim Dillon for an hour, like I have no self esteem left.

Like this is like a warm hug.

Like my comment section is where I go for compliments at this point.

Sometimes I forget that and when I'm hanging out with normies, you know, and I'll just

drop a bomb.

Yeah.

Same thing.

Look at that.

Look at what the fuck did you say?

Like I thought we were talking shit.

No, I did that yesterday.

I was checking into the hotel and we're in Texas.

My mom's from Texas, whatever.

This dude that works, I was wearing like cowboy boots, like solid cowboy boots.

And I was like, oh, sick cowboy boots, I mean, like they're just high heels for men.

But like cool that you guys call them like cowboy boots.

Right.

And I was like, oh, you're going to fight me.

Like this is not, I can say that's like Tony Hinch live because I'm always like you moved

to Texas so that you could wear heels.

Yeah.

You wear cowboy boots all the time.

He was going through a period of time where he's wearing nothing but cowboy hats and

cowboy boots on stage.

Dude.

And then like a Gucci like, like tracksuit, like name a person that knew less about what to

do with their money.

Tony Hinch is doing now.

He's wearing vests.

He wears vests all the time.

It's 1,000 degrees.

Full of proof vest after the, he was at the Trump rally, smart, the Puerto Ricans have guns

on me.

The Puerto Ricans love them.

Yeah, they do.

This is any group of people that are great at talking shit.

It's Puerto Ricans.

Like Jennifer Lopez cut to her like crying because she's like, what are jokes?

But yeah, I love--

She doesn't count.

So, I, have you made your will?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

So, I'm making my will soon.

As soon as you have a kid, they'll like make a will or else your craziest family member

is going to like get your son, you know?

And I have them.

And I, am I allowed to make a fun, I want to make like a funny will, like I want to give

Brian Holtsman like a million dollars just to see what he'll do with it, just to look

down from heaven and just see him with like--

It can't be by suspenders.

Just calf in plants, like just like, like seeing what Tony did with his money, like watching

all these comics, like Bobby Lee, he just like shows up in like women's shoes, like he'll

just be in like, you know, there's like golden goose sneakers, they're like $700, they'll

be dazzled.

He wears be dazzled sneakers?

Well, they're like golden goose, do you know they shoes?

Yeah, I have a pair of golden goose.

Yeah, but they're like shimmery with like leopard.

Oh, it's weird because golden goose, they come out worn out, like by, I bought them an

Aspen.

Yeah.

You buy them worn out and everybody was really into it.

I'm like, they're already pre-worn, like this is weird.

It's like when you did like, bought jeans with holes in them.

Right.

Oh, like I had a time like three.

I never did that, by the way.

Yeah.

No, that's not, that's a lie.

I did it for a while, and then I was like, what was wrong?

Yeah, yeah.

It's like, but I like holes in the knees because you can move around more, like that's

actually useful.

Always cut holes.

You're biologist stretchy jeans.

You know what?

I did start buying stretchy jeans, and this is actually the worst thing I've done since

becoming a mom.

You just become such a dork.

Except your wife, your wife is like, oh, she's like my hero.

I'm like, how do you stay?

Why are you so hot?

Like your mom, you're like allowed to just look like Rachel Maddow, but you do this.

Like I need to get back on the horse because I started buying sweatpants that look like

jeans.

And I'm just like, what am I doing?

Like it's just...

Well, there's a bunch of jeans like that that you can get now.

One of those, what they're called, perfect jeans.

Those are really good.

I got a few pairs of those.

I think that's what they're called, right?

Perfect jeans.

Like stretchy guys.

Yeah.

Those are great.

Revtown makes great pair.

They're great.

Yeah.

Barbell jeans.

Oh, nice.

They're nice.

Yeah.

They're made for people with big thighs.

Yeah.

My jeans wear out in the middle because my thighs are always rubbing together.

Right.

Oh, like in the...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I...

And I need to be straight.

I need to...

I can't wear something that I can't kick somebody in.

But also...

Fuck yes.

Fuck.

So good to be in Texas where the real men are.

That's how they think.

My fans...

I was thinking like that always.

Oh, it's so funny.

It's so funny.

My fans is...

Like, he's just...

You don't realize until you date a very straight guy that you've only dated again.

Just straight guy.

Like I always...

It's like, oh, good.

Metro sexual.

Like, my dude, my favorite thing to do is ask him what he's thinking about.

Not like...

What are you thinking about, like, hoping it's me or like our wedding or something?

I'm just like fascinated.

I'm in the edge of my seat.

And it's usually like, if I could fight that guy.

Or the Roman Empire.

Yeah, the...

My God, dude.

I...

Just like jerking off, thinking about tigers tearing apart criminals.

Like, what about the Roman Empire exactly?

That's so crazy when you think about it.

I mean, didn't...

Didn't species go extinct?

Because of the Roman Empire...

Because of the Colosseum fights.

I don't believe that's true.

Mmm.

I've never heard that.

When I did like a tour of it, they said that, but I'm sure they were just trying to...

Mmm.

Yeah.

They're trying to juice you up.

Well, let's find out.

Even if they did, how could they prove it?

I guess it's...

Well, they don't really...

There's a lot of, like, speculation that's probably erroneous about why certain animals

went extinct, including woolly mammoths.

Also, there's a lot of animals out there that maybe you guys can't find.

Oh, yeah.

We don't know.

Like...

Oh, okay.

I'd not bring up California, but have you seen this doomsday fish?

What was that?

It's a fish that only appears when an earthquake's about to happen.

Oh, great.

And they're...

And they're coming up around Monterey in California.

It's like...

It's like a syringe with fence.

Really?

You know, these like fish at the bottom, bottom of the ocean, that we...

Oh, and they're getting away from the bottom, because they feel...

They're coming up.

It's coming.

They're, like, coming up to the surface, or seeing...

I've never heard of this before.

But my brain also goes like, maybe they've been around and you just haven't seen them,

but...

That's true.

It's not like we have cameras down there 24/7.

At all times.

Yeah.

Well, seeing animal fights did not clearly drive any species to globe extinction, but

they did help wipe out or severely reduce some regional populations and subspecies.

Like what?

Yeah.

These tunts killed animals on a huge scale.

Ancient sources described thousands of animals killed in single festivals and tens of

thousand over imperial rains.

Modern historians argue that this sustained demand contributed to local or regional

disappearances, especially when combined with hunting, habitat loss, and warfare.

Well that, like, just what they did in America with market hunting, they almost wiped out

everything in America, because no one had ice, right?

So you had to get meat every day.

So they wiped out almost all deer.

They wiped out elk from elk used to be in all 50 states, and now they're only in a

few.

They wiped out almost all of them.

And this is fascinating to me, just the Roman Colosseum thing, because I think that my brain

always does whenever it's like, can you believe people in the comments are trashing Sabrina

Carp or whatever?

Yeah, people used to go watch, you know, people have their limbs torn apart by lions and sit

there and like cheer and suggest they would yell out how to kill people like that, you

know?

They would go watch at the town square, people get hanged, like this is right on time.

They'd watch people have sword fights.

This is the most humane version of publicly shaming people we've done thus far.

It's just like you suck.

That's like the best.

Right.

It just hurts your feelings.

Yeah.

Right.

And it only hurts your feelings if you read it.

But I also don't think anyone has only made a comment on Joe Rogan's or only on mine.

I don't think it's like just personal.

Well, it's probably once gets a friendic person that just concentrates on you.

Yeah.

I would know.

I have many of those.

Yeah, yeah.

But there's most people are just.

But I don't think they're normal with everyone else.

Right.

And then, you know.

It's the argument that some people have that I completely disagree with that you should,

it should be your name.

Everyone should know who's posting that and that you shouldn't be allowed to posting anonymously.

My problem with that is that eliminates all whistle blowing.

Oh, good point.

You know, you're working at some defense contractor and you know, they're doing something

horrible or whatever you're working for some oil company and you know, they're doing

something evil.

No, you can't, you can't have completely anonymous.

I mean, you can't have only like recognized accounts whether you know the exact person

who's posting things because sometimes you need to have anonymous sources.

But also it's, you know, essentially like I'm always interested in, you know, finding

the like, like, anonymous, real life version of something digital.

So it's like negative things in the comments section.

That's like being in a football game and someone being like, Tom Brady, you suck.

Right.

He obviously doesn't suck.

Right.

You're wearing a picture in Jersey, like you obviously love them.

You're just like laying an idiot, you know, it's kind of like, how do you have C fans?

Some of them are the worst.

They're like, who's a pussy?

Is he?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, you know, he fights in his underwear barefoot in a fucking cage for

a living.

That's right.

People, I mean, and also think about what it would take for you to stop and leave a shitty

comment.

You would have to be in such a dark, dark place to like need to just like throw a stray

at someone and like, I like to think it was like a weird service.

And maybe this is just me trying to like, sublimate it into something positive because

like being a female community on the internet, it's like, pretty wild.

And it's like, I signed up to make people happy or make people laugh or give people some

kind of escape from their life.

And if you hating me or saying some mean shit, it gives you like a headed, like, great.

I don't think I came in a comedy being like, everyone has to love me like that.

It's not possible.

Yeah.

People hate you, pal.

It's literally not possible.

So people, I know that take the biggest risks and that, you know, are polarizing.

Yeah.

I think the most interesting comics are polarizing.

So if everyone liked me, I'd probably be pretty boring and...

Well, there's a few people that don't take risks that are hilarious that aren't polarizing

at all like Nate Burgos.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or Gaffigan.

Gaffigan.

Sebastian.

Sebastian, but Gaffigan got really polarizing when he went political.

A lot of people got mad at him for that.

That's right.

But I think he was drunk.

Oh, interesting.

He did a...

Pretty sure he was drunk.

He likes to throw him back.

What was he doing online though?

What's he like doing online?

Or was he doing it live?

Oh, he was on Twitter.

During the...

That's right, I remember.

I remember.

He went crazy and he lost like a giant chunk of fans.

People turned on him.

You know, he's the hot pockets guy and I was like, he involved in politics.

It's interesting.

Wouldn't that kind of...

I think that is a comic like it's, you know, and you do something sort of different

here.

I never, you know, to take a side just feels so weird.

It just feels so bizarre.

Because I think it's really our job to be able to defend the indefensible just even

as an exercise and to, you know, to be able to deeply believe that two things can be

true at once.

I think it's the opposite of what wokies do with animals.

So with wokies, with animals, they're like, adopt, don't shop.

I think with your ideas, you should shop around.

Don't adopt.

Don't adopt like all the ideas that the left has or all the ideas that the right has.

Shop around.

Also, breeders are bad.

So rescue a dog from a breeder if you need to.

Right.

Well, some, look, breeders are bad, right?

Okay.

I have the best fucking dog in the world and he came from a breeder.

Some are good.

Some are bad.

Some rescues are good.

Some, some of the worst people on earth are animal rescue people.

Some of the worst people on earth work in charities, you know?

That's a fact.

You see the data about the L.A. fire money and where it went.

Holy shit.

Did you see the data of the whole, what was it?

How many billion was supposed to be spent on homelessness removal?

Twenty four billion.

I'm not counted for.

I'm not even mad.

Just tell me where it is.

How do you even hide that much money?

They don't even know.

How do you even hide it?

But I want to show you this, did I ever send it to you, Jamie?

I know I saved it because it's so crazy.

It was like, there was a concert.

It was like.

A hundred million dollars, but where it went is it literally, absolutely nuts.

I'm going to find it.

Oh, and Jamie, did you find that Doomsday fish?

I just want to make sure.

I'm not an article about it from 20, a couple of years ago that said it shows up when

I don't remember.

Doomsday fish?

Yeah.

There was one up in Monterey.

They said that came.

I'm obsessed with the fish that we don't know about.

Okay.

I just sent it to you, Jamie.

The House Judiciary Committee released the report on the LA Fire Aid Concert among

the findings.

Fire Aid was used, I mean, this is going to, I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm coughing.

Fire Aid was used for activities such as voter participation initiatives, podcasts.

They give a hundred thousand dollars to podcasters, approximately $550,000 and donations

went to organizations involved in political attitudes.

Well, that's money laundering.

That's just money laundering.

$150,000 out of $100,000,000, $250,000 was directed towards programs, benefit and undocumented

immigrants.

Look at this, $100,000 to podcasters.

I want to know who the fuck the podcasters were, they got a hundred grand.

Yeah.

What do you tie about?

Like, what does that mean?

Did they prevent fires with that money?

$500,000 was used to cover salaries, bonuses.

Imagine you got a bonus because there was a fire, consultant fees for non-profit organizations.

If it's a non-profit, why are you giving it money to profit?

And why are you giving them bonuses?

Half a million dollars.

Okay, many worthy non-profits did receive grants that were used to support victims.

This report provides lessons for the distribution of, or the disbursement, rather, of any remaining

fire aid funds.

Go down lower because it keeps going.

It's a good racket.

Everyone I know that works with a charity has like two houses, like good for them because

they don't have to pay taxes either.

There's, sorry, there's more where they laid all this stuff out.

So this is Kevin Kylie, who is, what is his congressman from California?

So he's outlining this because he tried to look it up.

It's fucking crazy, but I mean, some of that is fucking criminal.

This one drives me nuts.

Organizations involved in political advocacy.

Half a fucking million dollars.

Why is anyone advocating for politics?

Like, what does that even mean?

It's just stealing money.

That's right.

That's just money laundering.

Wait, fungus planting projects, what?

To plant fungus.

Fungus planting, Paul's what fungus planting projects, just a growing weed.

Yeah.

The growing mushrooms.

The best way to keep people from doing this man.

This is what it has to do.

It's like literally like everyone that's pissed that their house got a fire, take these

mushrooms.

And you will realize materialism doesn't, it's all bullshit.

Yeah.

This is part of the universe.

We're all connected.

There's someone else has a house you have has to.

This is the universe telling you to get the fuck out of here.

I mean, it is like a lot to process.

I mean, there's a point where you're kind of like, my brain goes like, when there's nothing

you can do about it, you're like, what do I do?

Like, do I just get mad?

Do I just look away?

Do I become the person that's retweeting shit and just being that person?

Like, you know, the things we have to kind of just decide with our economy of bandwidth,

but to be outraged about.

And maybe this is it that ideas like, we'll throw so much at you that you'll just get exhausted.

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I don't think it's a plan.

I think it's just a function of the whole social media ecosystem.

But also, we know we're going to get away with this.

Like I just love it.

But they're not.

Because the Congressman is looking it up, they're definitely going to talk about it.

It's going to be a problem for these people.

It's going to be a problem during re-election and it's supposed to be.

They're monsters.

These people are evil.

They're really evil.

What they're doing is stealing money from people that decided they were going to donate

money because they thought it was a worthy cause and it wasn't a worthy cause.

And also, when those fires happened, the idea that it was like donate, it's like, well,

you were just in a fire zone too.

We pay enough taxes in California to not have to have charities to donate to fire victims.

Right.

I mean, charities are such a scam because it's like, well, no, this is where taxes should

be going to stuff.

We shouldn't have to have these charities where people are donating money to help people.

They don't have money either.

Well, it's a scam and when you find out where the money actually goes, that's when it becomes

a scam.

When you find out that the vast amount, like if you have $100 million, it gets donated

to legitimate charity.

Right.

It's very likely that only 30% or less is going to the actual cause.

And that person doesn't pay taxes on top of that because the charity's a tax write-off.

So my taxes aren't going to pay for that cause.

And then you're not paying taxes anyway.

And then I have to give you extra money.

It's just like, it's just such that the charity culture is just as a bizarre, does every

country have this charity culture?

I don't know.

Well, our charity culture is really weird because of US aid.

Because US aid, everybody thought I was like, oh, it's aid.

We're giving aid to all these other countries.

That's important.

People are going to starve.

Right.

So no, it's not US aid, it's US agency for international development.

So a lot of it is about overthrowing foreign governments.

A lot of it is about funding these NGOs that are supposedly non-profit but people extract

the money out of them.

Like what's your definition?

It's a lot of money laundering.

Yeah.

A lot of it is money laundering.

Fascinating.

It's so much, Mike Benz is the guy to follow on that.

Mike Benz is like, he's gone deep, deep into all this shit and uncovered an insane way.

He said the US aid is for things that are too dirty for the CIA.

When it's too dirty for the CIA, they send it off to a non-government organization.

That's an NGO.

So an NGO can do things that the government can't do legally.

So they'll go and use this money in a way that our government can't do it.

But it's our government's money.

So it's your tax dollars go to do things that the government's not allowed to do.

And the government just does it that way through an NGO and people profit massively.

And money is just flowing around and no one knows where it goes.

Like the $24 billion that went to the homeless problem in California where it only got worse.

I don't even get how you hide that much money.

I don't even get how you laundered and hide.

I mean, that's like, it just shows you how crazy scams are in this country.

We're learning that out about the smally.

Oh, yeah.

There have been minutes out of the thing.

One part of it, the Somali daycares in Minnesota is the tip of the iceberg.

California is way bigger.

So people are digging into the problems in California now.

And they're saying, no, no, whatever you thought the fraud was, there was a guy that

was running a day, a bunch of daycares.

He had no one in California, no one at his organization, no kids pulled up in a fucking

Rolls Royce when they're investigating a Rolls Royce.

Of course.

Couldn't even just get Alexis.

No.

They can't just be cool.

Looks brother, whatever, who stole from him, like pulled up in like a Bugatti.

It's like you couldn't really.

It was like something.

I think something crazy.

Like you couldn't just got an accurate.

That's when he found out that his brother was stealing from him.

I think it was like a car that pulled up.

I know what I put.

I know what would car like suck dangerous brother.

By the way, he got out of jail and the money's still missing.

Stop.

Yeah.

There was a ton of money that they never recovered.

He might have hidden in a coffin.

There's some real rich hokers in Pensacola.

I'll tell you what.

You might have blown through all of it, but I'm pretty sure.

I mean, you'd have to ask Dane.

Yeah.

But I'm pretty sure that a lot of the money was unrecovered.

He donated it to the LA fire victim.

Yeah.

It's like people that steal like that.

Like it's like for what I understand, it's like kind of a gambling addiction too.

It's like, I got away with this.

Like you get this invincibility complex of like, and now I can get away with this.

And then you just get in over your head and you show up one day and a fucking, you know,

Ferrari.

And I'm like, what?

Did you ever see that documentary The Seven Five?

No.

The Seven Five is all about the 75th precinct in New York and how corrupt it was.

It's a really good documentary.

I had the guy who was the main guy, Michael Dowd, who was a, who was a corrupt cop.

Love it.

I had him on the podcast and explained it.

He said the first day of, I mean, if you watch the documentary, first day working, they

threw a guy out of building and killed him.

And he was like, shut the fuck up.

Like, you know, you know what you saw now.

You didn't see shit, right?

And like, yeah, I didn't see shit.

They killed a guy on his first day on the job.

And he's like, okay, this is, this is, I guess, what we do.

And so he was selling drugs, robbing drug dealers and showed up at work with a Corvette and

a brand new badass Corvette under a blanket and just drive a hundred of work like how

like you could have gone away with this forever.

Get an old pickup drug stupid.

Yeah.

I love that shit, dude.

I love it so much.

This guy shows up at his fucking daycare in a Rolls Royce.

It was like the well ball country guy.

He could have gone away with that forever, but it was like the 56 like B dazzled Rolls

Royce.

Everyone was like, I don't know man.

Yeah.

Yeah, he had a bunch of Rolls Royces.

But God told me I should have these like, huh?

I don't know.

But the people are retarded.

That is one of the greatest things ever by the people, for the people in the pause, but

the people are retarded.

Tough titties.

So it's for the retarded, but so look at this 42.1 million.

This is the guy.

He's trying to cover the car with his body.

Pull back and let's hear what he says in the beginning of this because I mean, with all

that money, maybe buy some ozempic too, homie.

He's eating good.

I'm here.

He says.

Ever since Nick Shirley has done his reporting in Minnesota, we have Iranian daycare centers

in California.

But we here, we have 14 12 South press and heights, creative children academy.

Nobody has come in or out of this facility in nine months.

Every window is just boarded up because no one L.A. has kids.

Look at his Rolls Royce.

Look at this.

Look at his Rolls Royce.

Well, he just stepped down from his reelection.

CDC misled the public with study, implying COVID vaccines, save healthy kids, UCLA, expert warns, also right wing.

USC is another sanctioned oil tanker in the Caribbean, sanctioned oil tanker, not just oil tanker, they were sanctioned right wing.

But Duros Auster leaves China holding the bag on oil investments, right wing, right?

Also, what's a UCLA expert?

What's the top one?

Top one, comrade, no, no, no, no, larger, comrade, singham to face house subpoena as a CCP tied network reveals leads rather renewed anti-ice protests.

So it seems like this is a very right wing.

Hmm.

Is just the news seems like at least lead.

See, just the news, no noise.

Yeah, house and house fails to override Trump.

These days, I'm just a Minnesota traveler alone.

I was like, well, that could be anybody from Minnesota then.

Minneapolis travelers alone had 342.37 million in their luggage in 2024.

That's a lot of money.

Okay, let's find this out.

So Minnesota travelers alone had 342.37 million dollars in their luggage in 2024.

So let's put into perplexity how much money did California travelers have in their luggage in 2024?

How many Bitcoin did California travelers have in their assholes?

California travelers have in their luggage in 2024.

But who puts that at the TSA?

But is anyone ever measure your money when you go through or count it?

No.

If you're supposed to declare, I think if you have more than 10 grand.

But we'd lie.

I know, I know, I know.

That's true.

That's what they said, but these were all, you know.

But if I went through with $1,000, they'd never know or is it?

So the amount cannot be determined from available data, TSA, and regulated agencies track only limited categories such as

unclaimed money at checkpoints or certain cash seizures.

And these figures are nationwide rather than specific to California travelers.

Or all money carried in their luggage.

Okay.

So how do they know that about Minnesota?

That's right.

That's coming from one source.

That's what they wanted to say.

Right.

So I wouldn't have told all that, but wouldn't they call Fox?

So I wouldn't they call CNN.

Also, it's just one very right-leaning website, right?

It appears right-leaning.

How do they ascertain cash someone's carrying through a...

They were just reported in the same article.

From just the news.

Right.

So that's another way that you can distribute propaganda.

You have one source, and then you send that source out, and a bunch of other people repeat it.

As it has reported by this one website, and that one website might be bullshit.

I also like to look at the ads that are on the surrounding the article.

Exactly.

If it's like, gun safe, I'm like, this is right-wing.

If it's like, tampons for men, I'm like, I think this is the left wing one.

I've got it.

That always kind of helps.

That's wild.

I have a family member who works in kind of banking.

And I'm like, what's up with this oil?

What's up with the China buying up all the silver?

What are we doing?

Did you see the Doomsday plane?

What's the Doomsday plane?

The Doomsday plane.

I mean, could just be a sigh out, but it's the Doomsday plane.

I think it went to California.

The one that is in case of a nuclear event.

It can hold, stay in the sky for a couple days and self-refuel.

What?

It's made my nipples hard just looking at it.

It's gorgeous.

Doomsday plane.

Jamie, can you pull up this Doomsday plane?

So people listening don't think I'm Rosanne.

Okay.

Doomsday, Trump's Doomsday E4B plane, sighted in Washington.

And Los Angeles days after Maduro captured.

Look at that pretty picture up of it.

I mean, that looks terrible.

Yeah, that just looks like a picture.

Well, that's them citing it.

But go back to the art.

Oh, look at this thing.

Hmm.

That's the Doomsday plane.

I don't know if that is not that bad.

They're all different.

With the blue stripe.

That's, wait a minute, they're all different.

This is when they're selling it from Northrop Grumman.

So anybody can buy it.

And then you get it on America's logos on it.

Right, but it's also different in the way it's built.

Look at the top of it.

Is that the escape pod at the very top?

Or they pop off and go to Mars?

Hmm.

It's similar.

Inside the Doomsday plane.

Okay.

So go back to the article.

What is the -- we'll put it into perplexity.

What is the capacity of the United States Doomsday E4B plane?

Like, what does it do?

Stay in the air for a couple of days.

It can refuel itself.

What is the capacity of the Doomsday plane the United States has?

It's chock full of cocaine and ketamine.

Yeah.

Elon made sure it's going to be.

Mushrooms.

Yeah.

Okay.

And accommodate a little over 100 people with typical published

figures ranging from about 108 mission crew up to roughly 111 to 112 total passengers,

total personnel, including flight crew and staff and official media descriptions,

usually summarized as seating for around 110 people.

What can it do?

Okay, endurance.

Look at that.

What's the maximum endurance?

Click on that.

No, this thing is like a beast.

Okay.

I'm going to give us one answer.

Stay a lot for 150 hours.

Oh, that's it.

Mm-hmm.

That's how much.

With sources describing capabilities from roughly 72 hours up to about a week in sustained operations.

So it can fly for a week.

Mm-hmm.

That's crazy.

Because it can self-fueal.

Keep it up, please.

And then how long can it stay with aerial refueling?

This is what I think you were getting.

Yeah.

It can theoretically remain airborne for several days, limited mainly by crew fatigue and maintenance

needs rather than fuel.

Multiple sources describe realistic endurance of roughly three to seven days of continuous flight

under sustained operations when supported by tankers and rotation of crew.

So here's the thing, if it is a doomsday scenario and you're up in the air for five days,

that just means you're going to die in five days.

That's right.

What's the--

Or do you just pull this out as a message to everybody?

Because you would only need this if there was a nuclear event, right?

Right.

So is the idea to just go like, hey, what just happened in, you know, Venezuela?

Just so you guys know we're flying this thing around.

Mm-hmm.

You know?

I guess.

When's the last time it flew?

When's the last time it made a cameo?

Also, I don't-- I mean, I know we were talking about the delta extraction and like I would never

want to-- I mean, watching the video of the delta extraction, how they-- of Maduro,

they built like a replica of the building and were blindfolded.

Like, don't go through it, you know, practicing and and stuff.

But it-- I was talking to your guy when we were coming over.

It could have been pre-negotiated, right?

It was a chance that that could have been pre-negotiated.

They killed 80 of his--

Okay, never mind.

A pair.

I don't think it was a negotiation.

Yeah, no problem.

Here's one funny one.

But it is weird that his wife was-- I guess that was like a thing a couple people flag her.

What did they kidnap her?

Just that she was there and involved, yeah.

Well, she's his wife.

Yeah.

One of the funny ones was somebody posted on Twitter, a photograph of this woman and her children

and she's-- and the journalist said this woman and her children, her husband and their father

was killed in the U.S. raid in Venezuela.

And then everybody was like, right, what was he there for?

What was he doing there?

Right.

Was he a fucking mercenary?

Like, what was he doing?

Hmm.

You know, he was Cuban, apparently, because there was a lot of Cuban defense that they used,

that Maduro used for whatever reason, I guess, communist love each other.

Yeah, yeah.

They hang out with each other.

Other dictators like, hey, I mean, borrow some of your guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I mean, the guy might have been a mercenary.

There was certainly mercenaries working for him.

I mean, he had 80 people died that were there protecting him.

This fucking stormed in.

They didn't lose a single U.S. service man.

Why so sick?

Crazy.

I mean, just like flawless.

Other dictators got to be like, fuck.

Yeah, I mean, is that why Iran?

Was that why Iran was like, now's the time?

Oh, well, the people are cracking down.

The people are out in the streets now.

But now, apparently, the Islamic regime is assassinating people that are protesting now.

Of course.

And your boy, this is where Elon really shines.

Like, you know, with the bringing Starlink over to a country that has cut off Wi-Fi.

Right.

Because that's what they do.

They cut off Wi-Fi, so these people can't organize.

I think it's also been cut off for that.

I mean, I don't think they've had a limited version of it for so long.

Well, they definitely killed people who protest.

They killed a gold medalist in the Olympics.

They killed a guy who was a wrestler, gold medalist.

Because the UFC tried to get involved and keep this guy from being assassinated.

They killed him.

You've seen like pictures and like video of Iran in like the 70s and stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Crazy.

Yeah, we did that.

Yeah, we did that because they wanted to nationalize their oil.

We were like, nah, player.

No, no, no, hell not raw.

Yeah, they had a democratic society.

It is entirely because of the intelligence agencies.

We went over there and you know, you could find the story.

Yeah.

Fun story, so I don't butcher it.

But essentially the Shah was like, hey, why is the British petroleum company or whatever it was?

Why are they making all the money?

We'll nationalize our oil and he was gone, you know, within days.

And they put in the Islamic regime and it has been a religious state ever since then.

I mean, that's, that's our doing.

Or the British oil company and us, multiple different people.

And it essentially was all just about his oil.

Or the country's oil rather.

But Maduro, like he was going to be torn limb to limb at some point, right?

Well, he had a bounty on him by the Biden administration.

This is one thing that people need to understand.

The Trump administration.

The Hunter Biden?

Yeah.

That's who to send it.

Yeah, he had his own administration.

He's smoking crack.

Kill him.

He's ruining my crack.

No, the Biden administration had a bounty on Maduro.

I believe it was 20 million or 22 million trying to get people to off that guy.

So it wasn't like we're the only ones that think he was a bad guy.

They were trying to use money to get people to kill that guy.

And besides the oil of it all, like were they going to allow China and Russia to put,

like use it like to put nestles down.

China was there negotiating with Maduro the day the US came and kidnapped him.

Bad move, homie.

They came in that day and were having meetings with Maduro on that night.

They snatched him out of his bed.

You think to get oil or to put nuclear sites?

100% to get oil.

Yeah.

They want that oil.

Yeah.

Everybody wants that oil.

You know, having a kid, you know, the way that it changes you.

But like, the things you focus on, the things you're obsessed with, they keep you up at night.

Like before I had a kid, it was like, is he going to text me back?

Now I'm like obsessed with like finite resources.

And like, where's all the helium?

Like, we're running out of helium.

Like, where's the oil?

What's helium for?

Besides the lilies.

Hilarious.

Yeah.

I won't be able to have a birthday party for my son.

What are clowns going to do?

No, it's for ventilators.

Although I think we found the ventilators actually.

In COVID, they killed people.

But I think it's like ventilators and medical stuff.

Like, you know, helium is finite.

Like, there's only a certain amount.

And we kind of just use it for like the Macy's day parade, for like floats and shit.

But I think that there is actually a lot of helium in Texas.

Maybe Oklahoma and then Qatar is like the other place that it.

We have it.

But we have a limited supply of helium.

I never even thought about helium before.

Except the comedy clubs.

Don't get me started on South.

Shout out to Philly.

Yeah.

I love helium.

Great fun.

Philly.

Awesome club.

Also, um, sand.

Jamie, what's the story behind Iran and the nationalization of their oil?

Well, that's, I mean, that's a, that's the longer story.

Right.

Respect to the 50s and 70s.

Right.

But when we did it, because we definitely were involved.

The U.S. was involved in overthrowing the legitimate government of Iran.

Oh, yeah.

Putting, putting the itola in.

And then they, they ruined the entire country.

Because the Iranian women are fucking hot.

Mm-hmm.

They're beautiful.

And smart as shit.

Oh, yeah.

I truly, every, my, uh, OB who saved me in my son's life during childbirth.

Like, just Iranian bitches do not play around.

They make great wrestlers too.

Nice things.

Initially tried to mediate between Britain and Iran during the 1951 nationalization crisis.

But then moved to help overturn Iran's elected government to reverse the consequences of the nationalizations.

All about oil.

1953, U.S. officials helped organize the coup that removed Prime Minister Muhammad.

How do you say that word?

Masadeg.

I don't know how to say that word.

I'm going to leave you out on a close.

Uh, whose rise had been closely tied to the nationalization of Iranian oil.

In March 1951, Iran's parliament voted to nationalize the assets of British-owned Anglo-Iranian oil company.

Uh-huh, responding to long-standing grievances over low royalties and foreign control.

That's it.

Nationalist leader became Prime Minister soon after and made implementation of nationalization central to his program.

So under President Truman, the U.S. generally opposed the idea of full nationalization in principle,

but didn't know what Iran pushed to the collapse or moved toward the Soviet Union.

Washington sent on voice, such as, oh, so they wanted to keep it away from the Soviet Union.

So they turned that into his Islamic regime.

George McGee and W.A. Avril Haramon to seek a compromise that would preserve Western access to oil while accepting some changes to the existing concession.

Okay.

It's us.

Who would reversal in '51, '53, under President Eisenhower, U.S. Central Intelligence Agency working, there it is.

Working with Britain's MI6, carried out Operation Ajax, covert operation to overthrow Masa, whatever you say his name is, Masadeg.

Masadeg.

And strengthened the Shah's rule, the coup removed the government, most associated with oil nationalization and paved the way in 1954 for an international oil consortium in which five major U.S. oil companies along with British and other firms gained significant stakes in Iranian oil ending exclusive British control.

That's it.

So fascinated by-

There was this TV show on, I think National Geographic, I want to say, called "A Little Light" or "A Small Light" that was about what was going on in the Holocaust.

It was slow.

It wasn't just like one day they just got, you know, it was like they slowly started seizing art and then not letting them get jobs.

Like how these gradual things happen, like to go from the 70s of like the women out in bathing suits on the, to like there's women that, or you know, that had enjoyed the freedom and then all of a sudden had to, like it's just so fascinating that like how gradual it is.

Oh yeah.

And how they, you get to sensitize how you make-

It's a frog in boiling water.

That's it.

Yeah, they don't realize they're boiling until it's too late.

Or you do know what's happening in New York City.

And that's what's happening right now in New York City.

But he said he would stop the carriage horses, so I'm all for it.

I'm kind of down with that.

Yeah, I think that's fucked up.

That's disgusting.

Those horses do not need to be wandering around New York City sniffing fucking brake dust.

It's disgusting.

Carrying assholes around.

It's disgusting.

I mean, it's, you know, you know me and my like horse thing.

But it's, it's so disgusting.

And, you know, the amount, it's like nobody knows how many elephants kill their trainers a year.

And how, you know, all kinds of great, we saw the worker kill the trainer, you know, but stuff like that happens so often.

And they just covered up at the amount of carriage horses a couple of them got out.

And we've seen them get out and we've seen them collapse and all this horrific stuff.

And something else is going on with it, which is.

And look, I'm the first person to say like New York was really safe when the mafia was.

You know, kind of like there's a documentary about how they would sort of protect people in the subways.

And you sort of would fill in where the government couldn't, but there's something going on with the horse carriage business.

A horse got out who was 29 years old.

Archie was his name.

29.

Yeah, you only had a couple more years.

And I tried to negotiate with them, got a bunch of friends that have like a few money.

And basically said, you're going to get $38,000 cash.

This is a horse that's pretty much done.

Right.

We're going to get some cash, we'll take the horse in the middle of the night, no social media, nothing.

And they said no.

The amount of money they're making is so insane.

And it's mostly tourists, honestly.

They make that much money from horse-trawn carriages.

Tons.

From other countries of people that have different ideas of animal, respect towards animals than we do.

Oh, so it's mostly foreigners riding in the horse-trawn carriages.

I don't think it's a lot of white people in those.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Polish people in white.

It's a goofy fox.

Yeah, that may be that.

Yeah.

Oh, we're in a horse.

It's so romantic.

We're out in the air.

It'd be so much sick.

I pitched them like do robot horses, like sick dinosaurs.

Do you like a dinosaur trolley ride or something around the city?

That'd be so much.

Jamie, I sent you that thing about the lady that's now in charge of housing in New York.

This is wild.

This one's what she wants to kill real estate value.

That's her idea.

Like she wants to literally to make housing more affordable.

She wants to kill real estate value.

It's an inelastic good, you can't.

Well, she's, it's more honest.

Oh, this woman.

Listen to this lady.

Listen to this.

And she has a $1 million house.

Her mom does.

Oh.

Well, of course.

A housing is owned by a collective.

And people are paying 40% of their income in order to live in their housing.

If your income is zero, you pay zero.

If your income is $500,000 a year, you're paying 30% of that.

And the government is providing the sort of, the government is the sort of owner.

Or not even the owner.

The government doesn't have to be the owner.

But the government is what's making sure all of that sort of works in cash flows.

The debt to GDP ratio right now is the highest since World War II.

So how can the federal government also afford to start subsidizing rental housing costs?

The federal government wants money.

The federal government provides money to those.

So it's by printed money.

Sure.

That's her idea.

Print money.

The federal government print money to provide housing.

Jack up interest rates.

Jack up the fucking debt.

Print money to provide housing.

And everyone pays 30% for housing.

First of all, why are you talking to me in a hoodie?

What, like, what mental illness is that, like, how dare you?

First of all, you look like powder.

First of all, get a blowout.

Throw some mascara.

Like, we're all the professionals anymore.

You're in a Costco hoodie and a t-shirt.

Like, what are we doing?

Well, you see, they've confronted her about these ideas and she breaks down crying.

But she didn't even know what she's saying.

She was like, well, sort of, like, she was kind of--

Oh, we won't own it.

Her training was UCB.

Like, she's just improvising an idea.

No, the government does that.

She's not even making eye contact.

Like, damn.

Well, a lot of these wokies, they come from rich families.

They feel bad about being privileged.

Yeah.

And one specifically thing she said that it was going to really impact white people.

What is fascinating about that is that because I think she believes she's coming from the moral high ground.

I think this is what it's really sort of--

It is someone who, I feel like, is similar to you.

And then I'm like, I was as liberal.

I had blue hair, you guys.

Yeah, I remember when you had blue hair.

I rescue pit bulls.

Like, it doesn't get any more liberal than me.

Like, it doesn't get any more.

Right.

But the whole idea with being liberal is like, you had me at, we're not racist.

Everyone's equal.

Right.

But then, you know, diversity--

But then it turns into diversity.

It turns into something.

Diversity, but not diversity of thought.

Right.

Not, right?

Right.

The hypocrisy of it got--

And I think that as comics were people who, you know, I may not be an expert of politics,

but I'm an expert on hypocrisy.

When you grow up around alcoholics, who say, I love you, and then their behaviors in Congress,

you study--

You look for patterns of hypocrisy.

That's just what we're wired to do.

So it just started to just be like, hold on.

You know, we don't believe in gender, but we need a female president.

You're like, huh?

And then it's like my body, my choice.

Unless it's a baby that needs a vaccine for hepatitis B, which comes from butt sex.

Like, what are you--

In sharing needles.

In sharing needles, which--

And then, you know, we believe in climate change.

And C is rising, but we live on the coast.

Like, would you buy a house on the beach if you truly believed that the C's are--

You know, we believe in recycling, but why can't you give Andrew Yang another shot?

Like, why won't you give--

Where did Beto go?

Remember Beto Rourke?

Oh, that guy was a mess.

But he--

But any more so than any--

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He's a mess.

Like, worse than--

No.

I mean, they're all a mess.

Like, when you have these blanket progressive ideas,

you've attached yourself to an ideology.

And that ideology, you'll defend because it's your identity.

It's you.

It's who you are.

But didn't-- he at least seemed, you know, I didn't know that much about what--

From what I knew, he made a joke about his wife taking care of the kids.

And the left was like, you're sexist.

Hey, women.

It was like--

Of course.

But what I saw with her was this idea of, I'm so moral that I don't even have to make a good argument.

And the left started and stopped making an argument, or even outlining what--

There's-- well, no, I'm moral, and I'm better than you, and I don't have to even make an argument.

Well, that--

I mean, I don't know when she gave that interview.

So let's suppose she gave that interview a long time ago before she had this job,

and she was just saying, this is what ideally I would like.

And then she gets the job, right?

And now when she's--

What is her official job?

There's a--

2021 was the interview--

There you go.

The office to protect tenants.

So was she working for that office back then?

No, no, no, no.

She would have been, I think, on Mondamis.

I don't even know if he was running-- he wouldn't have been running back in 2021, would he?

Well, she definitely was doing podcasts with him back then.

Well, she definitely just got out of soul cycle in this video, and--

But yeah, I don't know what her actual position was back at the time.

She might have just been on his campaign and all that.

Okay, so this was reason, and they were having this conversation with her.

Yeah. And so to lead the city's office to protect tenants.

Look, there's definitely slumlords.

You should definitely protect tenants.

There's definitely shitty owners and landlords that are absolutely--

She's basically saying government housing.

Yeah, but what she's saying is crazy, like taking 30% of whatever you make.

That's not.

So if you make a billion dollars a year, if you're Elon Musk or whoever it is,

you have to be 30%.

Yeah.

That's bananas.

The thing about New York and maybe this is, you know--

And I don't even know what's--

You know, side, anything, an idea makes anybody on anymore.

Sometimes I'll say someone and people be like, "Oh, so you're like all left."

And I'm like, "I don't know."

I just thought that was a good idea.

And then people be like, "Oh, so you're like super conservative."

I'm like, "No, I just--."

The adopt don't shop.

Yeah, you got it.

And so--

Or shop don't adopt.

And so New York is expensive.

That's the deal.

I remember when I'm going to Howard Stern's house.

And Howard Stern is-- he's got more money than the guy.

And it was like still--

He was able to get two by two floors of a--

But it's still like an apartment.

You know what I mean?

It's like New York.

This is what whatever $100 million or whatever gets you in New York.

I know, it's not.

Still not that big.

Like--

I know.

My horse is stable.

Yeah, my horse is stable.

It's like twice the size of this thing.

But if you want to live in the city for convenience, that's what it costs.

That's right.

So it's like--

And if you Jeffrey Epstein, somebody don't eat your house.

That's right.

Or an office on the Harvard campus.

I love it when people that are professors at Harvard are like, I was professor at Harvard.

Well, so Epstein had an office too.

But like, OK, I feel like you--

It's just like New York's supposed to be expensive.

That's the deal.

And I had a place there for like a year.

I remember I was in a Chelsea area.

And because I just want to go back and forth, I was like, try--

there's something about New York that does really put a fire under your ass.

Like, I remember, you know, actually it was dice back in the day.

I used to just ask comics like, you know, because you're just--

you're a nobody and you're just starting and you're in the hallway with a legend.

Like, what do you say?

You know, and I would always just go like, if you have any advice, happy to hear it.

You know, some people love giving advice.

Other people, I was like going up to Bill Barr.

Like, help me.

Like, I could read the vibe.

And he said sleep.

Like, get as much sleep as you can.

And then he was like, when you make it, make sure you don't get too comfortable.

Because like, as comics, we still need to kind of--

And I think that for a long--

For a long time, I think I took bad advice that maybe I had just gleaned.

I don't remember anything.

Giving it to me, like, you have to be crazy to be funny.

Or your life has to be a mess to be funny.

I think a lot of comics hold on to that.

If I ever get happy or have a kid or in a healthy relationship, I won't be as funny.

I don't think that's true.

I actually think it freed up bandwidth.

Getting out of--

It doesn't have to be true, but it can be true.

It can be.

Well, comfort can make people fat, too.

It can get lazy.

But also, it's like, if you're not--

That's why I go to the grocery store.

I got-- you know, not that I wouldn't.

But like, you got to make sure that you're still in the trenches.

And that you still don't-- you don't make your life so easy that--

Right.

You're not disassociated.

You're not disconnected from the outside world.

That's right.

And just at your feet, like, unless resilient.

And so what am I talking about?

This is where Mom Brain does come in.

You've been talking about New York City.

New York City.

So I'm in New York City.

And I just wanted to write new stuff.

It was like, things are going well.

I had bought a house.

And I was like, you know, New York's just--

You're just a little more of a dog fight.

And I wanted to go to the seller and, you know, the stand and all these places.

And I'm in this apartment.

It's probably--

What year is it?

Right before the pandemic.

Oh.

Yeah.

You've got an apartment in New York before the pandemic.

It was already out of it probably six months before.

So are you going back and forth?

I had it for a year.

I was going back and forth.

Because I also was like touring so much that I would go, OK, if I'm going to be in, you know, Florida at the end of, you know, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

I should just go to New York because then I'm going to North Carolina that Thursday anyway.

Right.

I was just like doing clubs to work on the New York.

Right.

And you're single.

So it's easy.

And never kid.

Exactly.

And let me just stay on the East Coast, right?

And let me just like do a software update.

It's like, Ari made me go on a hike for the months.

And he's like, you need to go to Somalia for a year with no fun.

I was like, I'll just-- how would I get a place in New York?

Ari's ridiculous.

His idea is so ridiculous.

I'll go to Little Italy.

How about that?

She's good at Tibet.

Yes.

She's living in a year in Mongolia.

And I remember like every time I would turn on the bathtub, the toilet would--

the effluvium from the toilet would come through the bathtub.

It was like some wild dude.

And then there was also an elevator in the building that people kick it off on.

Your floor.

So half the time I'd be sleeping in like a bunch of dudes, which is like, get off.

And I had this plumber come.

And I was like, oh, can you help with the shit, the gutter going into the bath?

One thing that's relaxing is a bath.

And then I'm just like in sewage.

And he was like, it's New York.

And I was like, no, but like can you fix it?

He's like, nah.

Like his job is just going around to people and reminding them they live in New York.

And this is the deal.

Like--

There's no way to stop the fucking sewer water from being here.

He's like, I could snake it, but that's not--

And this is part of why Trump won, like infrastructure.

There's pipes explode all the time, because they're just hitting their limit of being 100,

whatever years old.

But New York is the place you go when you kind of want to be in a dogfight on a daily basis.

You're going to be spending more-- every time you sit down, it's $100.

Even if you get affordable housing in New York, like a bottle of water, food, everything's expensive there.

Right.

Because it has to be brought in.

It's emotionally expensive.

It's literally expensive, figuratively expensive.

Like it's--

You know, I--

Well, this lady's going to reduce all that.

She's going to make everything valueless.

Like, but why would you want to take the-- yeah.

I mean, there's things that are artificial value like art and stuff like that.

But land is--

What's probably going to do is it's probably going to lead to some sort of Republican government there.

They're probably going to be a lot of backlash.

People are probably going to organize, probably going to realize that you can't have communism.

And it'll go-- it'll swing the other way.

Hmm.

Because everyone's kind of leaving, right?

All the people with money are leaving New York.

Oh, God.

So they're saying, like--

Fucking Robert DeNiro was talking about it.

Wow.

He's like the king and ours is savings.

Five of that's accurate.

But also--

That might have been a-- might have been a fake quote.

They need to use everybody's tax dollars to pay for all this.

But all the taxpayers are leaving.

That are big money.

Exactly.

But if they're taxing everybody, the thing is, like, you can't just tax your way out of problems.

Because we know that that money goes-- and it's grossly inefficient, what they do with it.

The government is not good at using your money.

They've never been good.

There's not, like, one example of the government doing an amazing job with your money.

Originated as satire.

There it is.

It's fake.

I mean, he owns, like, hotels there.

He does, like, the film festival there and everything.

Right?

He's like, yeah.

He loves it there.

He's, like, the guy.

People stay outside of his house and yell at him.

In New York.

Crazy Trump people.

I mean--

I know where he lives.

So they stay outside his house and yell at him.

Fuck you, Bobby.

Good for everyone.

Trump won, Bobby.

You fucking loser.

That's the crazy thing about living in New York.

So we just walk right up to your door.

If you have one of those walk-ups.

Knock, knock, knock.

It's the sidewalk.

It's in front of your house.

That's what De Niro lives.

Let's go knock.

Didn't some crazy person break into his house recently?

The next wife.

Like a lady.

Oh.

I mean, I think it's a little bit of a problem.

I think it's a little bit of a problem.

I know a lot of them were friends with a lot of them, but there was a little bit of like a leadism, I think it's part of what made TV start becoming kind of a relevant is these sort of like elite writers from Harvard who don't necessarily have a, you know, I think that the best comedy everyone can see themselves in it or it's about something that we can all kind of relate to on some level.

That's all these sort of kids going to a $70,000 a year elite school making shows like the office and show you know these comedies that you know.

You know, look like it's it's a lot of my friends worked on the office.

I love you guys and get me in trouble, but it is kind of like making fun of poor people.

It's like, would it be funny if people like worked at a paper mill and like went to Chili's like what have been losers?

My family members like go to Chili's.

That is real photo that's coming in right there.

It was 19 when this happened.

Like they had to like scramble the big amount.

That's actually amazing.

Like that is I love the little things where when you find out someone was a sociopathic monster they're like we should have known.

Even though it had nothing to do with drugging women like the fact that he showed up to receive this award.

Well actually the Harvard lampoon is like a famous comedy thing.

So it would make sense that they would give him an award.

That's true.

And before he was a monster he what I mean like you look at that image there.

That's a black and white image.

So Conan was 19.

Conan's got to be in his late 50s right?

How old is Conan now?

Yes this is an 85.

Okay so he was very respected back then.

Yeah.

Like Bill Cosby was the man.

Look that show I mean when I tell you like my top five shows it's Cosby you know Martin.

Mary with children was really big.

Can you even get Cosby anymore?

Have they hit that?

Maybe not even because no one thought it was weird that he was a gynecologist that worked out of his basement.

Like.

How about that one episode?

We had a secret barbecue sauce that made everybody horned.

That's right.

But never.

Remember.

How fuck you?

Who would have reenlit that?

You're going to drug people?

Who would have walked up the stairs from his basement?

Take off plastic gloves.

Oh because he was just touching pussies.

They would have just been inside a woman presumably.

He would just be like yeah like whatever he was doing and they'd be like anyway so what's for dinner?

And you're like wait hold on.

That's nuts.

I didn't know that.

I never watched that show.

He was a gynecologist and he didn't even know he was a gynecologist.

Out of his house.

Oh my god.

He would deliver babies but that.

Yeah I always thought that was wild.

So crazy.

He'd take the plastic gloves off at the top of the stairs like.

Fingered.

I was dating a girl once back in the day and she told me that her gynecologist hit on her and she said she was so creeped out.

Her gynecologist called her up at home and asked her out on a date.

And she was like what?

Because he got a chance to take a look at that thing.

That thing looked pretty good.

I mean.

It's so crazy.

Your gynecologist asks you want to and you're at home and this is back by the way.

Like when I don't I guess they had caller ID in the 80s.

So this would be after they had caller ID.

Like you probably think the doctor's calling you up because like.

But wait.

Didn't we just go on one?

Just figured me.

What was that?

Hold on.

What's your definition of a day?

That's what that was.

More together.

You see my pussy in my ass.

You said no.

I've been in the stirrup.

You fingered me and have all my money.

Like Jesus Christ.

That is.

I mean it is interesting that today for a guy to become a gynecologist.

I know it's like the only way.

You know, only men could be back today.

But now for a guy to be like, I'm in med school to be a gynecologist.

Yeah.

Everybody's like, what?

What?

Right.

Like if I was a woman, I would never go to a male gynecologist.

I'm good.

That's crazy.

No.

Just the eye.

If he's heterosexual, he's staring at your cooter and thinking about sliding up in there.

Or the opposite.

Or if he like doesn't care.

You're like, why are you not looking?

I'm not excited.

Yeah.

Look at that thing.

Yeah.

Look at that shine.

I put glitter on it just for you.

Like it is.

Do you remember that?

No.

But.

Glitter?

Good enough.

But glitter.

For real?

No.

Remember but.

Crystal.

Remember?

Okay.

There would be dazzling.

Pussy b dazzling.

No way.

Yes.

This was a thing.

Did that give you cancer too?

This was a thing.

Definitely something.

But yeah.

I'm just always fascinated by like conflating like feminism with just like.

Just.

What are we doing?

Be dazzling our pussies.

Like we're not like.

Free the netball.

Like we're fake.

Why Joe isn't off on something.

Okay.

Is this really my thing?

Glitter butts.

The hot new trend for summer.

Glitter butt.

That's so ridiculous.

Like don't look at my butt.

But look.

It's glittery.

Glitter butt.

It's like a butt.

There's also the butt plug thing.

No.

So where are these people wearing these glitter pants?

I mean there's not even pants.

That was a thing that hose would do.

Back in the day.

Remember they would just paint their tits and you can kind of go out in public.

With paint on your tits.

Like new years eve and stuff like that.

Yes.

Yeah.

And people go, oh, you're topless.

Yeah.

And then it was like, why are you looking?

It's like, okay.

Okay.

These girls have glitter all over their pants.

By the way.

How toxic is that shit?

Hold on.

So we talked about the Wizard of Oz.

And that poor dude who had to play the Tin Man.

That guy got fucked up by that paint.

So did the woman that was the witch.

She got her face cut on fire.

Right.

Oh.

Oh, it's on fire.

Yeah.

Which by the way, now we paid dermatologists to set our faces on fire.

But back then it was.

That was accidental.

It was a layer skin on.

Yeah.

So they can look young again.

Kind of get that young.

Was it.

Was it asbestos or what?

Well, she had green paint on her face all day long.

Right.

And it was.

Yeah.

It was aluminum, I think.

Aluminum, that's correct.

Yes.

Which we put in deodorant.

Fine.

Not the kind you want.

I use Dr. Squatch.

It's natural.

Yeah.

Works too.

That's shit last all day long.

Dr. Squatch is like this.

Also, if I stink that.

Oh, no.

You don't want to smell me.

Oh, really?

No, no, no.

I mean.

When I don't have, when I don't have deodorant on and I like work out and hang out all day.

And I'll smell myself and get disgusted.

But like.

I smell myself and gag.

I'll do like wipes.

I'll just wipe it.

You know.

You don't want to smell that.

That's good.

You don't want to get in there.

But word nice.

I don't, I just, this whole thing where we all have to smell like a moonlit path.

Yeah.

You don't want to smell like a monkey in the zoo.

That's what I smell.

I mean, I don't know.

It's kind of a power move.

I guess.

You know how like they say, like, "Wonnie, do you have sex with your wife?"

She's plugging it.

Oh, yeah.

No, you know what?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to your wife.

I love her too much to encourage this.

Like, it's like dealing with my breath.

What?

I brush your fucking teeth.

Are you crazy?

I think about like smelly, if someone smells bad, like your wife, your bio probably smells

good to her.

Huberman actually talked about this when he was on my podcast back in the day about like,

if someone doesn't smell good to you, it means you're probably related.

I think you need to talk to her.

She would probably correct you.

Yeah.

I fucking smell gross.

I eat mostly meat.

Because you're always in ketosis.

Yeah, that's different.

It's just a rotten meat coming out of my pores and the monear from sweat.

But if someone's like, morning breath smells bad to you and they just, you know, like everybody's

morning breath smells bad.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

But if you like, you got to be really horny to make out with someone in the morning.

Yeah.

Like full on make, like you got it.

That's like, that's ultimate.

I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't care what you're brushing my lower.

Come here.

It's like crazy.

Crazy.

Yeah.

Flip me over like an adult.

Yeah.

That's like if you don't care about yeast infections.

Who cares about that smell?

Let's go.

Let's fucking go.

There is something sick about once you birth a child.

You're so tapped into this like feral.

Like it's just so wild that I don't even think about morning breath anymore.

It's just like, well, you're cleaning diapers all the time.

Yeah.

It's like when I was on fear factor, I didn't even flinch at someone through up in front of me.

I had seen so many people throw up.

Like one time, one time my wife threw up in her car.

And this is how, like, I am immune to throw up.

I mean, because some people puke if they see.

Because of all my years on fear factor, I'm completely immune.

When I was a kid, if you threw up in the hallway in high school, I'd be like.

Which like, there's a biological basis for that.

Yeah.

We probably ate the same thing.

Right.

Exactly.

That got wiped out of me on fear factor.

100%.

She was coming home from the jam and she drank weak grass juice.

And she fucking threw up in her center console.

Yep.

I've done that.

And she was crying.

She was like, I can't even clean it.

So it's guessing.

I'll clean it.

I got to give it a look.

I cleaned the whole thing.

I got in there with towels.

I cleaned her puke out.

It didn't even make me flinch.

I'd seen so many people puke.

I've seen people puke for days and days.

I mean, I did 148 episodes.

So at least 130 of those times people had to eat something that made them throw up.

So I saw multiple people.

There's six contestants.

I saw so many people gag.

And I had to be interviewing them.

Like while they were gagging sometimes.

While they were throwing up in a dumpster.

I'd be talking to them.

That was such a big deal that show.

Such a big deal.

You know, I took that show because I thought it was going to be canceled.

I thought, my god, I'm going to get some jokes out of this.

They're going to sick dogs on people.

But you underestimated our deep desire for shot and for a day.

Like watching other people be scared and humiliated.

The Coliseum basically.

Well, it was also, I underestimated the entertainment value of the competition.

Because it was competition.

The grossness was great.

It was definitely fun to watch.

But there was also like real, like significant competition.

There were some great moments.

This is one moment with his mother and her daughter beat this father and his son.

And the father and the son were assholes.

The dad was like a dick.

This day you get ahead in this world.

You be a fucking dick.

And they were talking crazy shit to them.

That's it.

And then the kid fumbled and fucked things up.

And the dad fucked things up.

And the whole crew was crying.

Everybody was so happy.

Yeah.

I'm fascinated.

I just sent Andrew Schultz a clip that I'll cry if I talk about.

Because he was posting something about.

A daughter asking her a gymnast who the daughter was getting attached

and wouldn't let her go to the routine.

So she did it with her daughter.

And there's this whoo.

There's this video of this girl.

I think it's in Brazil.

She's doing a cooking competition.

And you know, those like, you know, timed cooking competitions.

And she can't open a jar.

And her dad is in the audience.

And she runs and gives it to her dad.

And her dad opens it.

And it's like, gives me goosebumps every time.

But dad's man.

But that that shit just kills me.

Oh God, this kills me.

This is how she runs.

She can't get it open.

Why do they make jars so fucking hard to open?

By the way, if your hands--

That's her dad.

Look at her dad.

Oh God.

Oh no.

So this is costing all this time.

And she's freaking out.

Oh Jesus Christ.

No.

Oh God.

That's cool that you can do that though.

Yeah.

Because it's ridiculous that you can't like, opening a jar.

You've got to hit it on the side of a thing.

Oh, you're okay.

Yeah.

Or like if you just clank it on something.

But it's like, I think he posted something about, you know,

when like, runners don't finish the race and the dad comes out

and like helps him cross the finish line or something.

Oh gosh.

I love shit like that so much.

But I can't remember where we were on this.

Now I'm just--

It doesn't matter.

Gonna sob.

Competition, fear factor, disgusting.

Yeah.

It turned out to be fun.

That's what it is.

It's fascinating to buy.

And I'm like a football dork.

I know you're not like the biggest football fan.

Even though you've got some games.

Yeah.

I like it now.

I get it.

I watched the Texas A&M versus the UT game.

Oh shit.

Incredible.

And I think that what you're going for is it's almost like

this gambling addiction in a way because it's like,

even when your team loses, you're all losing together.

And it's, you know, you get to feel like you're apart

of something.

There's so much like, you know, reptilian sort of hardwiring.

But for me, it's like about these goose bumps moments.

That you can't have every game that would take the value out of them.

Like this past season, when--

I don't know if you're a football guy, Jamie,

but Philip Rivers coming back to the Colts.

And him coming out of retirement.

Two major players came out of retirement this year that were like coaching.

They were done.

Coaching their kids little league in high school.

Philip Rivers was just coaching, you know, what a 45, 44, 45 result.

It was a fun caveat with that too, but--

Tell me.

He's got so many kids.

10, right?

Yeah.

He was about to hit retirement.

His five years, you have to wait to go to the Hall of Fame.

But now he just like reupped his NFL, like health insurance.

So now he gets coverage for--

I mean, he's rich as shit.

He doesn't really need it.

But just a little caveat of like, he gets coverage for life.

Him getting hit call.

Here's what I realized.

And I realized this at the UT game.

When you're a fan of football, you get big moments many times.

If you're a fan of a fight, you get the fight.

And then one guy wins and one guy gets horribly destroyed sometimes.

Like sometimes your guy gets flatlined.

And you're watching your guy laid out with his toes curled, his leg stiff, his arms up in the air.

He's completely unconscious.

And the other guy is on the cage like this.

And then the medical people are taking care of your guy.

And you're like, oh, fuck.

Yeah.

It's the worst.

When you see like families and children, see their dad get knocked out.

No.

It's so hard.

No.

That's so hard.

We see wives crying.

And then the camera turns to them.

You see them.

They're like, oh, no.

It's just football's a different thing.

You know, when someone throws the ball and then the person catches it and goes across the line.

And you see 100,000 people.

That's right.

That's it.

And so much is the type of fan base, you know.

But like, the people in the audience feel better.

That's right.

It's like they are, they're celebrating in a different way.

Because when a fighter wins, it's an individual.

But when a team wins, it's your team.

That's right.

It's different.

And you can make the argument on some level that, you know, not, you know, not your part of it.

But like the energy you bring, like when you went to the Rams game, I'm like, equals it.

And Rams game.

All green.

All Eagles fans coming for away games.

Like, you know, it's, imagine being like the Eagles and looking out at like all green and another, you know, city.

Also, is it Matt Praiti?

I think it's his last name is a kicker for, was it the bills?

Both of the kickers got injured and like they didn't have a kicker.

And they're like, imagine getting the call.

You're coaching like your middle school, sons, whatever, a little league football.

And you get the call like we need you, you know.

Really?

It's like, yeah, he goes in and he kicks like the winning field goal.

This was in September, I want to say.

I love shit like that so much.

That's awesome.

You know, when you also just moments like, what say Kwan Barkley did last year, like jumping backwards over,

like, there's a video of his teammates watching him do it going, fuck that.

Like, it's just, I love watching the interplay between the team members too.

It's like comics.

It's like, you know, I get it.

I didn't like it before, but I get it way more now.

I get it way more because for me, it's like a water down version of fighting.

I'm like, well, it's fine.

But now I get it.

It's not that.

As an audience member, it's better because you're like a part of the game.

Like we are scoring.

It's a really, it's a stupid thing to say.

We, you never say we won that fight.

That's right.

Also, but I think the we of it also happens to, you know, the reason I think, as live performers,

when you see a team, like the Eagles do so, so well.

And then this last time they played the Rams just fall apart.

You're like, what, just per what we were talking about with Fear Factor and what you're capable of when you're on TV,

when you've been insulted, when your egos been, when you're in front of your kid.

Right.

I'm not going to eat a live rat, but if my kid is watching and someone just insulted my kid,

it's I'm a different person.

You know what I'm saying?

I will fucking fuck this rat in the ass.

So, you know, whatever I need to do, or if money's involved, I'm obsessed with sort of like the...

Tax Act can think of a million things more fun than filing taxes.

Tax Act is going to name some now.

Sitting in traffic.

Folding a fitted bed sheet.

Listening to your coworker talk about his fantasy team.

Digging a hole.

Digging an even larger hole next to that original hole.

Unfortunately, Tax Act's filing software can't make taxes fun.

But Tax Act can help you get them done.

Tax Act.

Let's get them over with.

You know, the most dangerous team to me is always the one that hasn't won any games.

That's the most dangerous fighters, the one that needs money.

That's right.

And, uh, I'm just fascinated.

It didn't flow.

Maybe whether it used to practice by doing like live Facebook, Facebook Lives with like girls around to try to...

Did it really?

Yeah, huh?

I think we do like Facebook Lives.

Well, he definitely did that to show off, too.

He was so fucking good.

Yeah.

He was so good, but he would do crazy things.

Like, they would have rounds that would go on for 10 minutes.

He would, you know, he would have like...

What would he call it?

Like, the dog pound?

He got a name for it, where he'd bring a bunch of guys in there and they would just box.

They wouldn't have any rounds.

They would just box.

So, like, you know, it's sink or swim.

You got no rounds.

Yeah.

You're just in there, but no one's gonna tell you to stop.

Why?

This is crazy.

It's crazy.

But he also...

He also was a...

A bastard at boxing people and talking shit to them.

So it was...

I'm sorry about my voice.

But it was a part of like the whole thing of it was that you were watching...

All this chaos.

And then you're dealing with the psychological aspect of each guy talking shit to each other.

And it's also like...

That's it.

The dog house.

First, who is Jim's notoriously grueling sparring sessions known for intense, no rules fighting until someone quits.

Designed to push boxes to their absolute limits.

I mean, it's not a moment mystery while he's one of the absolute greatest...

Till someone quits.

Yeah.

By the way, this guy's had multiple hand surgeries.

So he couldn't really even like blast on guys.

Like he used to when he was younger.

You know, when he was younger, they called him Pretty Boy Floyd.

And so in the early days of his career, he was a knockout artist.

He was fucking people up.

But he doesn't have big hands.

And so he was breaking his hands like multiple times.

And so then he became money mayweather and just started boxing everybody's face off.

And like if you go back and watch some of his early knockouts,

also he wasn't certainly facing the caliber of fighters he faces at champion.

But he's the best ever at not getting hit.

That guy's been cracked maybe like three or four times in his entire professional career,

which is wild.

And is his ability to knockout hit?

Is that from out working everyone or something?

Is there some...

It's a whole bunch of things that came together.

So one of them, his dad, Jesus Christ,

his dad was Floyd Mayweather senior, okay?

His dad fought Sugar Ray Leonard and gave him a hell of a fight.

His uncle was Roger Mayweather.

Roger Mayweather, multiple time world champion, the Black Mamba.

So he grew up in a gym with Jeff Mayweather.

And these guys were all killers.

And they were boxing scientists.

They knew everything about boxing.

It's a famous quote that people always use Roger Mayweather.

See if you can find it.

Most people don't know shit about boxing.

And everybody who knows anything about boxing,

and by the way, I'm not a boxing expert.

I'm like a fan.

Compared to the regular person, I know more than most people.

Hey, Rhonda, he's a fan.

Most people don't know shit about boxing.

But see if he can get him say it.

Because it's the way he says it.

Most motherfuckers don't know shit about boxing.

And it's 100% accurate.

It's 100% accurate.

Is boxing, like, not to, like, compliment what we do.

And this is my sound insulting to athletes.

But like, is it similar in a way to comedy?

And that there's certain things, like, you can't really teach.

Like, you have to find your thing.

Well, there's certainly like genetic advantages that are huge.

They're almost insurmountable.

There's some people that have, like, speed.

Roy Jones Jr. was the best example of that.

He had speed that was otherworldly.

Like, no one had seen anything like that before.

And he had a style that no one else had.

Roy Jones, so the most important punch in boxing,

if you ask any boxing trainer, they'll say the jab.

The jab is what establishes distance.

The jab is what you could score with.

Yeah.

The right hand is to try to knock him out.

Left foot is to try to knock him out.

Upper cut.

But the jab is the most important punch in boxing.

Roy Jones, rarely through jabs.

He would throw left hooks.

His left hook was so fast that he would throw a leaping left hook

and it would hit you as fast or faster than another person's jab.

And you had to calibrate for that when you're fighting him.

Like, all of a sudden, there's a guy who can do things that are literally superhuman.

Like, no one can move like him.

He has a left bicep that's, like, twice the size of his right bicep

from throwing left hooks.

And is this, like, how Michael Phelps has normally long arms or something, right?

No, he developed that left bicep.

Right bicep is small.

His right bicep is normal size.

His left bicep is fucking cute.

So look at the photo.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Bro, let me tell you something.

Roy Jones, in his prime, was a freak of nature.

And do you try to go like, okay, you know, I'm just going to--

Look at his build.

Look at that left hook.

Incent.

Dude.

No.

He was a freak.

And also extremely intelligent.

Crafty, set you up, knew what to do to get you to move this way.

Yeah.

And then you're moving that way.

And then he's doing things you can't do.

So you don't anticipate that someone's going to be able to leap in from there

and catch you with an uppercut.

You're like, you don't even understand how it happened.

Mm-hmm.

He's the only guy in the history of, I believe, Compie Box.

It might still be the case.

And it was in this fight, or the Vinnie Pazienza fight.

Look at that.

Put his hands behind his back and knock the guy out.

One of the only fights in the history of the sport

were the opponent landed zero punches.

That's the stoppage of Vinnie Pazienza.

He was a freak.

How did that even happen?

He hit him with the left hook to the body.

He was so fast.

He would hit me.

Yeah.

He was so good.

All of his fights were essentially executions.

He went from 168.

He won the world title at 168.

Went up to light heavyweight.

When the world title light heavyweight.

Went up to heavyweight.

When the world title at heavyweight.

He was a fucking middleweight.

The Olympic.

That looks like a member of the video of Putin

doing like Kung Fu or Taikwondo.

And they're pretending to fall.

That's what this looks like.

The Roy was so fast.

This is nuts.

He was so fast.

And he was so hard to hit.

Oh.

Yeah.

I can't do it.

Here's a one two he hits this guy with.

And I sent a friend of mine who's a boxing fan the other day.

And I'm like, look at the speed of this one two.

He hit this guy with a counter right hand.

Like a counter one two right hand.

It was, it was freakish.

It didn't even make sense.

There's the left hook.

No.

That left hook.

Look at that.

That left hook.

That left hook is correct.

Look at him.

No, no.

He just went down.

Watch that left hook again.

He's trying to get up and he's face planting.

And that's Motel Griffin.

It was a world champion.

Look at that left hook.

Good lord.

He even was like.

Good lord.

Lord.

Yeah.

There was, you know,

there's guys that are amazing.

And then there's Roy Jones.

Roy Jones was, he was a freak.

I mean it was like nothing.

But that was unbelievable.

Oh my gosh.

It was always fights.

Look at that right hand of the body.

Virgil Hill.

He knocked him out with a right hand to the, by the way,

to the left side of his body.

Well, that's not even where your liver is.

Your liver's over here.

Guys get dropped all the time with a left hook to the body.

He hit him with a right hook to the body and stopped him.

I always get obsessed with like as,

like as comedians, the more comedy there is and has been,

the more original we have to be.

You know, I'm always fascinated by like, you know,

you know, fighting or sports.

Like, you know, a football, for example, like, you know,

go where is it?

The Eagles doing the touch push.

It's like everyone had to start studying that.

And this thing that worked, now everyone knows you do it.

So, Matthew, you know, it's fascinating to me

and a fight or so good at one thing.

Everyone starts learning to defend that.

And then, you know, because it used to be like,

you could just fight and people saw the fight once.

And that was it.

But like.

Well, that's where Roy had the advantage over everyone else.

Well, there was no internet back when Roy was on top.

So the thing about the internet now is any kid,

with, you know, limited resources can study

all the greatest boxers of all time.

So Mike Tyson, when he was young,

one of the great advantages that he had was Jim Jacobs

was his manager.

And Jim Jacobs was a legitimate boxing historian

who he carried these tapes and old films of everyone.

Jack Johnson, Harry Greb.

He was watching Sandy Sadler, all these Willie Pepp,

all these like Rocky Marciano, Jack Johnson,

all the great champions of history on film.

So he'd study film footage all day.

He would put these 32 millimeter or whatever.

It was a 32 millimeter or 16.

What are those things back then?

16.

So the real to real.

So you'd have to feed the tape in a thing.

Right, right.

And he would sit there and watch everybody fight.

So he had this massive advantage of seeing all these

incredible fighters like he, he mirrored his style a lot

around a bunch of different ones.

But one of them, particularly, was Jack Dempsey.

He was like one of the most, I mean, I think Dempsey

was the champion.

And I want to try and figure out what year this was

where Jack Dempsey was the heavyweight champion.

He was like, it was a savage time.

I think he was a hobo at one time in his life.

It's a savage time.

And he was a savage man.

And he was annihilating people.

And he wasn't very big either.

From 1919 to 1960.

Whoa.

What did he weigh?

What did Jack Dempsey weigh?

When he was fighting.

Okay, I'm going to guess 180 pounds.

187.

He was the heavyweight champion of the world.

He weighed 187 pounds.

That's nuts.

That's 13 pounds less than me.

He was the heavyweight champion of the world.

That is, that's fucking bananas.

And another one that's even crazier is Rocky Marciano.

Rocky Marciano, who was the heavyweight champion

in the 50's, I believe.

One of the only heavyweight champions

to ever retire undefeated.

He was 510.

And he weighed, I think, 185 pounds.

And he killed everybody.

He killed people.

He hit them so hard that they would just go dead.

They would just shut them off.

And they would collapse.

He was a murderous puncher.

And he was a small guy.

184 pounds.

When he won the title from Jersey Joe Walcott.

Now, Google or a lookup that fight.

He was shorter than that.

Lookup that fight where the KO of Jersey Joe Walcott.

You just have to see the punch he hits him with.

And this is before Pep Tides.

Oh, yeah.

This is, he was spaghetti.

This is like a crazy Italian from Brockton, Massachusetts.

But just see if you could find the KO.

Because the KO is, by the way, Jersey Joe Walcott

is one of the all-time greats.

I mean, he was a phenomenal boxer.

This is a little later in his time.

You know, but he had had a long career.

Oh.

So he knocked him down with that right hand.

But watch the KO, though, after this.

This.

Yeah, they must have fought twice.

So find the second, the other one.

Well, this is, yeah, this is the one.

Okay, watch, watch how he KO something.

He hits him with that right now.

He had the craziest work ethic of maybe any heavyweight of all time.

He would work out.

He would run 10 miles in the morning.

He would work out all day long.

Sometimes he was spar 100 rounds for a fight each week.

He was sparring constantly.

And then he would swim after training five miles in a lake.

His cardio was just off the charts.

And it was because he got tired once in a fight when he was an amateur.

And he said, "I'll never get tired again."

And so he just decided to outwork everybody.

But you got to see the KO, like, see if he could zoom in.

I mean, it was a brutal fight.

I mean, Jersey Joe Walcott, give as much as he got.

But here it is, right there.

Oh, watch that again, back that up again.

Watch this right now.

BOOM.

The power in that.

It's his every ounce of his body.

Watch how in slow motion he creeps in.

Look at the explosion and the extension of his back leg.

See that?

The extension of the back leg?

The turn of the shoulder?

The back gets into it?

BOOM.

Look at his back.

Oh, holy shit.

Just fucking BOOM.

That's over.

I mean, and he's done.

And he's done.

And again, Jersey Joe Walcott was a legend.

And then he hit some of the left hook on the way down.

He was totally down.

Oh, he's gone.

Oh, he's dead.

He's gone.

It's crazy how powerful that guy was.

Before all the things, the whole plunge, all of it.

No steroids, no nonsense.

Anger and having been molested.

And eggs and an immigrant from Italy.

Italy.

I was thinking about this the other day because I was in England.

My brother lives there.

And I was like--

I believe his family is from Italy.

I think he was a child of immigrants.

I'm obsessed with Italian immigrants.

Because you go to Italy all the time, you're--

Imagine the people that were like, nah.

Like how beautiful Italy.

Like we paid.

We paid to go to Italy to see that view for three days.

And they were like, ah, no thanks.

I'd rather maybe get leprosy on a boat for 10 weeks to go America.

Well, I don't know what life was like in the 1920s when my grandparents came over here.

But it wasn't good.

Yeah.

There was a lot of them came over from Ireland from Italy.

Yeah, bad news.

And they came over before YouTube.

They just-- someone drew them a picture.

This is what it's like over there.

You're going to get a job.

Imagine like when I look at what goes on the comment section in America is so torn apart.

I'm like, wow.

This wasn't ever going to go any other way.

Like imagine-- I'm obsessed with just the ocean.

Like just imagine looking at the ocean and a boat and being like, all right, I'll get on that.

Right.

Fuck.

With your kid.

Only the craziest people.

Right, that's why everyone in the East Coast is so fucking insane.

That's it.

I would say the most violent crazy fucking people are on the East Coast.

Why?

Because their grandparents came over on a fucking boat.

Other ancestors had talked to the plasmosis or whatever it was.

And we're just like, I'd rather--

Definitely had that.

Yeah, I'd rather die and have frostbite and warm my frostbite and fingers in my wife's carcass,

leprosy carcass, then not be able to worship who I want or say what I want.

There's a lot of that, too.

I mean, that's what brought people over here initially.

A lot of people came over for religious freedom, which is a crazy thought.

Like the Quakers.

Like what were those fucking people all about?

Wasn't that a big part of why they came over here?

Like they were being persecuted in England.

Which is so weird, because we go to England and pay to go in the churches now.

I was like, waiting in line to go in an England church.

What was the deal with the Quakers?

Are they like a cult?

Like, are they around anymore?

Are there any Quakers?

Uncle Ben?

Jamie says yes.

Yeah.

Uncle Ben.

Is it like--

I think so.

I think they make good rise.

I think so.

I don't know.

I've been really into Amish, though.

I mean, like Amish core algorithm where it's men like build barns in a day.

It's sexy, right?

Dude, it's so hot.

My porn is just watching men be useful.

And they'll just build a barn and just like the Amish life.

I feel like we're all kind of trying to go like, how do I get chicken?

And how do I self-sustained?

How do I like--

Some guys think it's hot when women cook.

Same reason.

Same thing.

It's like sexy.

Because they're going to eat soon?

Yeah.

Well, no, because a woman can cook.

Yeah.

Like a woman that's like really into feeding you.

Yeah.

I think that's a good woman.

Like a woman who wants a cook for you.

Yeah.

She wants to cook for you.

For a guy that's hot.

This whole thing of like, wait, I'm not going to cook for my men.

It's like, you get to eat, too.

I mean, like, what are you going to eat?

Well, you don't have to cook for your men.

I wouldn't expect anyone to cook for me.

I think that's crazy, too.

I know how to cook.

But there's something about somebody wanting to cook for you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's wanting to do it.

It's not doing it because it's a chore that you're making them do.

Yeah.

It's like, somebody does something nice for you because they want to.

It's so much better than if you have to ask them and they don't want to do it.

But they can see you doing it.

Yeah.

You know?

No, I love that.

I also, I want to know what's going in your body.

Well, it used to be a valuable trait for someone to be building something.

Like a guy who could go out there and do something with his hands.

That is a man that can provide a shelter and if the roof breaks, he can fix it.

Like, this is a good value.

Also, he can do hard shit.

He's a guy who's got endurance.

He's durable.

Yeah.

He's not going to fall apart like this job is too hard.

There was a list of jobs that were more likely to be replaced by AI and less likely.

And for some reason, less likely was roofers, which I thought was interesting.

I don't think they're right.

They're going to have robots that can do a lot of things.

Yeah, for sure, they'll have a roofing robot.

That's not that difficult.

A roofing robot, cause we'll just start using a roofing robot.

You're going to miss the value of a really fucking hard job because there's a value in a really hard job.

And I know a lot of kids avoid hard jobs and you shouldn't do a hard job for your whole life.

But there's a real value in a hard job.

And that I had a job, well, I have had a bunch of construction jobs when I was a kid.

Because when I stepped in as an architect, so I worked on a lot of construction sites.

But I also had a very good friend, Jimmy Lawless, shout out to Jimmy.

And when I was a kid, I worked with him.

He was a year older than me and he'd already graduated.

He was a carpenter as apprentice at the time, I believe.

And he might have actually been a carpenter.

And I just needed a job.

And I think it was probably 18 or 19.

And I got a job working on this construction site.

We were building a wheelchair ramp for a Knights of Columbus Hall.

And I had to carry cement and pressure-treated lumber all day.

That was the job.

I had a terrible nutrition.

I really eat sub sandwiches and drink a Coca-Cola.

And you're out there in the sun all day long.

You're not hydrated.

I was always dehydrated.

And I was carrying cement and pressure-treated lumber all day.

Which is a gross lumber that they have to soak in horrible chemicals.

Yeah, pressure-treated lumber like you would get these splinters and they would get infected.

It was nasty.

Like you're dealing with whatever the fucking chemical did they treat that thing with all the time.

You're the radioactive shinning on your skin.

And it's August, so you're sweating.

So you're sweating like crazy.

The shit is getting in your pores.

You're carrying bags of cement.

You're breathing cement out all day long.

And by two weeks I quit.

And when I did quit, I was like, okay.

Now I know that if I don't get my shit together and figure something out in life,

that that could be the best paying job that I can get.

Yeah.

Whatever I got, I mean, it probably wasn't even 20 bucks an hour.

I don't remember what you got paid.

And if I get injured, I don't have health insurance.

And that's just my body.

And I was clearly handling something that was toxic all day long.

What is the impression treated lumber?

What do they use?

It's supposed to be left outside to stop like insects.

Right, that's what it does.

Termites can't eat it.

It's poison.

I have a weird question though.

It's fucking poison.

Is today's version of a poisonous dangerous job,

like that sitting at a desk looking at a computer all day?

Well, it very well could be, right?

And don't they say that like LED lights are actually not good for you now?

But just like sitting at a desk that is, you know, you're not a standing desk.

You don't have one of these whatever Sibians or whatever I'm sitting on.

And you're like, I mean, people just sending emails all day.

Like is that?

It's definitely bad for your back.

It's tightened my lower back considerably.

I think a big part of it is sitting like this all the time.

So I'm super conscious about it now where I do a lot more lower back exercises

than I ever used to do before.

But you, I got that machine you told me to get where you lift your back like.

Reverse hyper.

Yeah.

Louis Simmons, who was a legend in powerlifting, he invented that because he crushed his discs.

And they told him that he had to get his discs fused.

And he said, well, if I crushed him, can I separate him?

And they're like, no, it can't be done.

And he's like, I'll figure it out.

So he made a machine and you climb on this machine.

And he realized that in the descending, you're actually decompressing your back.

Yeah.

And in the ascending, you're strengthening all the muscles around your back.

It's a fucking genius piece of equipment.

No.

He was one of the rare people that I traveled to do a podcast with.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, I got, that's like the main machine I kind of like have.

That's the shit.

He's also got a belt squat that he gave us before he passed.

And that machine is awesome too.

You put a belt around your waist and then the cable goes down in between your legs and

you're standing on a platform and there's a stack of weights behind you.

So instead of doing squats, which are one of the best exercises of all time.

But the problem with squats is, if you're squatting heavy, you've got all that weight on your

back.

Okay.

Well, you're, if you got like 400 pounds, you're squatting, you're a beast and you're

fucking, you've got 400 pounds trying to crush all your discs.

And the only thing that's keeping that from happening is your strength, all your fucking

core muscles and your spine muscles, but you're compressing everything with that weight,

with a belt you're not.

Oh, yeah.

So belt is on your hips and all the weight is down there.

There it is.

So that's me using it at his, at his place.

And then he gave us.

Is this sit down squat machine bullshit?

No.

No, no, no, no, no, not at all.

No, that's a leg press.

That's, that's a very, very good machine.

That's what I do.

I just don't want to, my knees or something.

The problem with that is, you ever see what happens when people lock their legs out and

it bends backwards?

No.

Oh, yeah.

What do you mean?

Don't.

What?

Do that.

Pull that shit up.

I'm calling a jar.

Do you need to know that this can happen?

Because I saw it happen to a lady once in one of these videos that looked like she'd never

worked out.

I saw the one with the guy's fincter came out and I just saw it without us getting it.

I wasn't getting ready to see what I'm going to find.

I was in the sphincter algorithm.

I don't want to get in the knee snap algorithm.

Well, as a person who's had three knee surgeries, I don't enjoy it.

I have all good slaughters in my left knee so I just have to, like, and when you squat,

are your, are your knees supposed to go over your toes or not?

I do, you get, you 100 percent.

Thank you.

You 100 percent, Ken, especially you could build up to it.

I do knees over toe stuff.

Yeah.

I have knees over toe stuff on the podcast.

He's amazing.

I follow him.

And you should, everybody should follow up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's 100 percent right.

Yeah.

He's one, I mean, I will tell you 100 percent, I, there's no room for error.

That guy's right.

Yeah.

He has an amazing protocol for strengthening all the muscles around your knees.

Yeah.

I followed it is radically changed the progression of the injury and made my legs stronger

than it was before the injury.

Yeah.

I also do weighted vest kind of all day.

I've done, it's only like 30 pounds, what I do because, oh, that's the Gary Breckham

move.

Oh, is it.

30 pounds is a lot.

You're carrying a 30 pound weight vest.

I have a 30 and I have a 15 so I realized it with my kid, I'm, I'm bending over so much

and picking him up so much, I was like, I can probably like kind of work out all day.

If I really just like wear weighted vest, so that's a lot of weight to wear.

It's gone taken from me at TSA a couple of times, but I'll just get it on.

Yeah.

If it's the place.

You're like, gee hot.

Just kidding.

I'm like, you think that's the worst thing?

You're holding up to a pen.

And I don't understand it totally.

I don't know how the score goes.

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