#2429 - Tom Segura - The Joe Rogan Experience

- Joe Rogan, what are you guys checking out?

- The Joe, Rogan, experience.

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All day!

(upbeat rock music)

- Is that hat, your croissant?

- Yeah, croissant cup?

- Bro, those croissants are real fucking proper.

- They're the shit, aren't they?

- I was gonna eat one bite, this is what it's worth.

(laughing)

I was like, "Oh, I have a bite."

- They're so good, man, two buttery.

Well, how can a guy lose as much weight as you lost

and then open up a fucking bakery?

- Because I started with them when I was so fat.

- That was perfect.

Like, I fell in love with that place

when I was close to my fatist.

And I was like, "This is a match made in heaven."

- How big were you when you were your fatist?

- The most I ever weighed was 265.

- Holy shit.

And what do you know?

- 187.

- That's insane.

- Yeah, so that's like what, 80 pounds?

- What does that feel like on your joints?

- It feels great, I feel so much better.

I feel so much better.

- Of course.

- I'm lifting four days a week.

- Wow.

- Yeah, I just lifted this morning.

- Do you have a trainer?

Do you go on solo?

- No, yeah.

- It meets me there every day.

- Do you do that for accountability?

- You know, I just realized that I've trained enough now

where I can do a good workout on my own.

But I always feel like it's never as good

as when he's there.

It's always a little bit harder.

And I always feel like it's a better workout when he's there.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, he pushes me, Sean.

- So you've been with him for a while?

- I've been with him for, yeah, for years.

The other difference, the big difference,

is that I've been, I dialed in, not with croissants,

but I've dialed in my nutrition a lot more.

Like I eat four times a day now.

And I'm on top of my macros.

You know what I mean?

Things I've never done before.

- Why do you eat four times a day?

- This nutritionist just gave me this plan

and I've been just doing it.

- Interesting.

- Yeah.

So I eat 50 grams of protein at each of those four,

you know, four different meals.

- Okay.

- So I end up getting 200 grams.

- So you, you do smaller meals

that are lower in calories, but high in protein.

- Yeah.

And then I also, I carb cycle.

So I know on a, like today was legs.

I know that it's a more intense workout.

I'll do the full portions of these carbs, right?

Which sometimes the sweet potatoes or white rice.

But on a day if I'm like, if it's a rest day,

or I'm doing like less intense workout,

I'll dial back how much of those carbs I eat.

- Hmm, do you take a pre workout?

- I have a pre workout meal every time.

So like in the morning, I get,

I've been getting up at 5.30.

So I get, yeah.

- What the fuck are you doing, man?

- I mean, 'cause I've been in the writers room

on season two of bad thoughts.

So I've been getting up at 5.30

and my pre workout meal are these like,

I guess it's like musely kind of like grains, you know,

with some honey, a little bit of almond butter,

and then I have Greek yogurt with a scoop of way protein.

So that's my pre workout.

And after that, I go to the gym.

And then during the workout,

I sometimes have a get intro workout shake.

Sometimes it just, yeah, yeah.

- Wow.

- But I mean, I feel much better doing it that way.

- Yeah.

- And then I eat again about an hour after that workout.

So that's my second meal.

Then a few hours later, it's three and then my fourth one

is like around six.

- So you have your second meal by the time it's like 8 a.m.?

- Maybe like 9.30.

- Yeah.

- That's so crazy.

- Yeah.

- What time are you going to bed at night?

- Well, that's the key to this whole fucking thing.

That's the key to the whole thing,

is that you go to do this, I gotta do this.

And to do that, I gotta do that.

And to do that, I gotta get up early.

And the only way I can get up early

is by staying on top of when I go to bed.

When we met, I was going to bed at three o'clock in the morning.

- Normal stuff.

- Yeah.

- And I would get up at like 11.

- Yeah.

- Like a normal person.

And then I would say in the last decade,

a lot of my bedtime kind of shifted to around midnight.

And then it shifted to a little bit closer to 11.

In the last few months, sticking to this plan,

I've started to go to bed sometimes at 10.30,

which for me is like very early, you know.

It's very hard, it's the biggest challenge for me

has been to get to bed.

- That's hard for me, that's hard, that would be hard.

- But I also, I don't think I'm going to be getting up

at 5.30 forever.

- This is just writers room stuff.

- Normally you get up one, eight.

- Seven.

- Yeah, between seven and eight.

- That's reasonable.

And I don't have to go to bed at 10 to do that.

- Yeah.

When my kids are in school, I get up at seven.

And then, yeah, usually between seven and seven,

15, depending on when they have to leave.

And then when they're not in school right now,

today I got up at eight, which is pretty normal.

- Eight feels good, I got up around 7.30 today.

- If I don't work out first thing in the morning though,

it used to be, I used to like working out at night,

'cause in jujitsu I'd always like doing at night.

Morning classes were tough, tough to get in there early

and train and also you don't feel warmed up

and you fucking feel like everything's gonna get hurt.

- Yeah.

- But night time, I can't work out anymore.

I can't do that anymore.

- I've completely changed in just a week.

I'm too busy.

- I used to say, well, I will say that like,

I feel like my strongest between like 11 and one,

like the middle of the day is when I,

if you were like, drop an ideal strength time,

that's when I feel like I'm like,

oh, that's when I'm at my best.

- Why do you think that is?

- I think you're woke up.

- Yeah, you woke up.

- You're fired up, you've warmed up.

- And you're ready to go.

- I feel a little food.

- I feel good.

But I've pivoted to now really enjoying

these first thing in the morning workouts,

where I feel like my whole day is set

when I have those workouts.

And I also realize that if I don't,

I feel so much different throughout that day.

- Right, that's a good factor.

One, you get that first big win in the morning.

- Yeah.

- You got it done, you got good momentum going,

but also you're more calm.

That's the big one, that's the big one.

- And focused, right?

- When we did that sober October thing,

we were all doing crazy cardio.

One thing you said to me that really rang true

is like it totally silences all that internal chatter.

- Yeah, it does.

- Yeah.

- And I think one thing about the writer's room

is that you know, you have to be alert,

you have to be focused.

- Right.

- You can't have all this shit like the noise going on.

And so it was a great way to show up to the room

is like you have that win, you've done something hard

and now I'm ready to work.

- Yeah, for me, it's not just a hard workout

but generally has to have some cardio in it.

- Really?

- Yeah, cardio is what really shuts off all the chatter.

- It is different than the weightlifting.

- Yeah, weightlifting is great.

Weightlifting makes you feel better.

Like you feel like energized.

You feel like, oh, I feel good.

But cardio is like, I don't give a fuck.

Like when I have a really hard cardio session,

I don't give a fuck, I don't give a fuck.

What's going on?

Everything's fine.

The difference between,

'cause I was doing 45 minute cardio sessions

and when I upped it to an hour,

the 15 minute difference for me felt like another hour.

Like pushing it 15 more minutes was really, really hard.

- Well, that's when it's hardest, when you're tired already.

You know, when you're extending your cardio capability,

that's fucking hard, man.

I was hard.

- It's so important.

It's so important to do.

- It's everything.

- We want to wonder why so many people

are out of their fucking minds.

That's a big part of it.

They don't work hard.

- I got so obsessed with some of these,

like these data and metrics about this, you know?

Yeah, just like-- - That becomes a problem.

- Yeah, well, I don't mean like that, like I have to,

but like just the data that people are talking about

as people age of like, if you're not lifting

and your bone density goes down or like a VO2 mat,

like learning about that stuff and going like,

if you don't start thinking about that at a certain age,

one day it will be like so out of your grasp.

- I was just having this conversation with Shane Gillis.

I was like, you have to realize, like 20 years goes by so fast,

'cause I'm 20 years older than him.

And I'm like 20 years ago, I, like, that happened,

it was yesterday, and all of a sudden I'm 58.

And 20 years from now, I'm 78, that's dead.

Like that's almost dead, like, and you can either be

almost dead and look like RFK Junior,

or you can be almost dead and look like Trump.

- Yeah, that's the kind of same thing.

- Yeah. - They're in the same neighborhood.

- And you have a choice.

- Trump's only seven or eight years older

than RFK Junior.

- He doesn't look like it.

- No. - Yeah.

- And that guy did heroin for it.

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14 fucking years.

- Who did?

- RFK Junior.

- You did heroin?

- Oh yeah, after his dad was assassinated.

- He was a heroin addict?

- Yeah.

- No shit, I didn't know.

- Yeah, when he was young, people give him a hard time

about it, like hey, yo, his fucking dad got shot

in front of him.

- Yeah.

- His dad who was running for president got assassinated.

- Yeah, that's right.

- When he was a little kid, come on.

- You wouldn't do heroin?

You have no idea what you would do.

And his uncle got shot in the head in front of the whole world.

- Yeah, I mean, we're not in front of the whole world.

It wasn't in front of the whole world

until several years later, but...

- He looks incredible.

- He looks great.

- Yeah.

- He did 20 chin ups in a row.

- I saw that.

- At 70, whatever the fuck he is.

- That's very impressive.

- That's insane.

- Yeah.

- Modern science for the win.

- Yeah.

- No, yeah, I mean, yeah.

I think about it all the time because I think the same way.

20 years goes by real fucking fast.

- Like that.

- Yeah.

- Before you know it, it's like there's guys that like never got

going with their life or they got distracted with stupid shit

and they never really like focused on whatever it is they do

with their careers.

And then you see them 20 years later, they're in like,

they're late 40s and they're fucking scrambling

and depressed and...

- And friends with so many of them, dude.

- Oh, it's a problem.

- And friends with so many of them.

Like I mean, that age pocket where it's like,

a lot of my friends are in that like...

- They never did anything.

- Yeah, and they're really scrambling.

- Yeah, and they're really desperate

and then they want help.

Which is like, hey, I can't fucking hold your hand.

- No, exactly.

You did this to yourself.

Like you should have paid attention

to what we were all doing all those years ago.

- It's unnerving too.

When some of them, like I have friends who are like,

you're like, dude, like we're in our 40s.

- Yeah.

- And the thing is the worst part about it

is you realize how much of it is dictated by fear.

Like they're just scared to do things.

It's like someone who's scared to step in the gym

or something, right?

You're like, you're just scared to take that step

to do something.

- Scared to be uncomfortable is what it is.

- Yeah, yeah, that's the thing.

It's like most people are scared to be uncomfortable.

So they're scared to sit down in front of the computer

and write, they don't write.

'Cause they're scared to be, I don't,

the writing thing is the weirdest one.

- Fear of the unknown.

- 'Cause I don't understand why that's even uncomfortable.

But it is, I get it, it is.

I avoid it sometimes.

I come home and I really should write,

but I could watch YouTube, and then I'll fucking sit

in front of the TV.

I'm like, I earned this, and then I'll watch YouTube.

- Anything to not do it.

You look for distractions.

- The nights that I come home and I write, though,

I always feel way better.

I feel better going to bed,

and I feel better getting up.

I'm like, I did what I was supposed to do.

- Yeah.

- Yay, everything's going good.

- Yeah, you're right, yeah.

- When I just watched some fucking random YouTube video

on ancient history, it's like,

why am I falling asleep in two in the morning

and forced myself to finish this fucking hour

and 50 minute document?

- I'm serious.

- I do it fucking all the time.

I'm like, here's another murder doc.

I'll just watch this.

- I don't watch those.

- Oh my God, it's all I watch.

- I can't.

- You know what I found out, too?

I was, I found in the writer's room,

and I didn't realize this until I talked it out.

We were talking about, you know, like,

'cause sometimes you're like, what about this idea?

- Right.

- And someone will be like, well, you know,

on that episode of like, 30 Rock or something,

and I'll be like, oh, I never saw that.

They go, you never saw 30 Rock?

And I'm like, no.

And then they go, oh, well, you know, like,

on the office, I go, I never watched the office.

Like, you didn't watch the office.

And then I started talking, I was like,

oh, I've never watched any of these shows.

And they're like, what?

And I go, yeah, I guess I just don't like comedy.

(laughing)

And they're like, what are you talking about?

I was like, dude, I've never seen the office,

30 Rock, sunny.

All like the huge comedies of the last 20 years,

I've never seen them.

- I haven't seen them either.

- And I'm like, well, I go my rash and not my thinking

is not that I don't like comedy.

It's that it's like, you know, you,

I'm on stage all the time, I'm doing comedy.

My friends or comedians, we're talking comedy.

When I get home and I want to watch something,

I don't want to watch that.

I want to watch something else.

- I'm exactly, that's exactly how I think of it.

- I want to watch dramas, thrillers.

- Something's interesting.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Stranger things.

- Yeah, so I just end up never,

and they're like, this is pretty crazy though.

You're in a room of comedy writers

and you've never watched an episode of comedy.

And I'm like, yeah, I guess that is kind of weird.

- I watched them when I was on one.

You know, I'd watched other sitcoms

to see what they were doing differently.

- Yeah, 'cause it was kind of a new thing for me.

- Yeah, that makes sense.

- But after I was off news radio,

I swore off sitcoms too.

And but then I did start watching some of them

with my family.

One of them I watched that I really used to shit on

and I was wrong, it was a big bank theory.

Really, fucking good show, man.

- I mean, it was a massive hit.

- I was like, how's this stupid show a massive hit?

But it was because I had seen clips online

that were like retakes that they did without the laugh track.

But if you ever worked on a sitcom,

you know what retakes are, retakes are brutal.

Like you didn't get it right

or the writers decided to change something

or there's whatever, for whatever reason

you do a bunch of them after the audience leaves.

You know, so I saw those without the laugh track

and I was like, what is this?

This is not funny, this is terrible.

I'm like, what is this like mundane boring,

fucking drone you to sleep?

Then I watched the show, the actual show itself.

I was like, oh, this is a really well-written sitcom.

- Yeah.

- And it's interesting 'cause the main guy's autistic

and he's like totally socially retarded.

- Yeah.

- And it's funny though, but it's all about nerds.

It's like, it's a good show.

- So yeah, I mean, something that has that,

something that gets to that popular,

like this has to have something to do with it.

- But that's like stuff that I watch with my family.

Like there's certain shows that I only watch with my family.

- Really?

- Yeah, that's wonderful.

- You know what just happened with our kids?

- Um, they, they started, you know,

they had their movies that they always watch.

And kids, little kids have just a capacity to rewatch

the shit out of things.

So you're like, Jesus Christ.

- I watched Frozen like 80 times.

- Oh my God, so many fucking times we watch these things.

- Let it go, let it go.

- We watched Home Alone, a fucking 145th time, right?

Which is, I think a lot of people do.

But then all of a sudden we were like,

oh, here's the Simpsons.

And what we did was we started with episode one

of The Simpsons.

- Oh wow.

- And what I was so surprised by,

that was 'cause I was taken by just how good the old,

like we're watching like season one, season two.

Like the really old ones, where everything,

where it took 18 months to produce an episode.

- Right.

- You know, they had to hand draw everything.

The writing and the jokes and them are so good

and so funny.

And you're watching these little dudes

like get the jokes and they're, and it's really funny.

I mean, it's really good.

But we start from the beginning.

- How many episodes, is the Simpsons still on the air, right?

- I think so though, it's like season fucking 42

or some shit.

- That is so wild and no one gets old.

- No, right?

- And characters are just cartoons.

- And now they can do them timely because of technology.

So now they can like produce it in a week or something.

- Oh, that's crazy.

- Yeah.

- That's crazy.

- 'Cause they don't have to hand draw everything.

- Well, didn't they like farm it all out to fucking

- I think so.

- South America or some shit.

- It probably, I'm sure.

- Yeah, I think they did.

- There's some Indians.

- I think they taught some Asian people how to draw.

How to do it and think.

I mean, there's something also that like you appreciate

about the old animation that's cool.

- Crunk clunky.

- Yeah.

- It doesn't exist in the, but it's still, it's so funny.

- Like the first South Park.

- Yes.

- The first South Park was super clunky.

- Yeah.

- What would Barring Boytono do?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(laughing)

And then they also embraced that it's supposed

to look this certain way, right?

- Yes.

- Like that whole thing was like it was,

they embraced that like the look is not like slick.

- Right.

- I mean, it's also you can get away with so much more

when it's not even remotely realistic.

- Yeah.

- Like the time that gay teacher, stuff Paris Hilton up his ass.

Like how could you do that on any other show?

Imagine if you said we're gonna do South Park,

but with CGI and real people.

- Yeah.

- What the fuck are you talking about?

- What are you talking about?

- Kenny's gonna die in every episode violently

and everyone's gonna laugh.

- Yeah.

- What?

- Yeah.

- What is brain splattered all over the concrete?

- Yeah.

- Oh my god, you killed Kenny.

- You killed Kenny.

- What?

- Yeah.

- It has to be.

- Fake, yeah.

- Yeah, and it has to be fake kids.

- Totally.

- 'Cause kids are kind of, they bounce off stuff,

they get hurt, it's kind of funny.

- Yeah.

- And they do.

- Yeah, they just fucking, they don't get hurt as easy.

When they get hurt, it's like not that big a deal.

They bang into things.

Whereas an old person falls in the bathtub,

they break a hip and they're dead in the year.

- My youngest like slow falls all the time.

- And we're like, the fuck is going on?

And he's never hurt.

- He's practicing.

- Yeah.

He's just like, and he tumbles.

- Yeah, well, they're fucking made out of like, they're flexible.

- Yeah.

- All pliable shit.

- Yeah, the way they, even like the way that kid can sit

and you're like, "How are your legs doing that?"

- Yeah.

- After a while, shit gets stiff.

- It gets real stiff.

- Do you ever do any yoga?

- I did, I haven't in a while.

- Well, remember when we did it, that was our first challenge.

- I do, and that was awesome.

And then a few, like a year or two ago,

I started doing some yoga here, and it was so challenging.

I was like, "Fuck, this is really hard."

- Was it the same kind or different?

- It just like, no, it wasn't a hot yoga.

It was just like, you know, you're going through all the positions.

I don't know how to even describe it.

- Poses?

- Yeah, all the poses.

And I was like, "Man, I was shaking in certain poses."

And it was really challenging.

And I have not done it in a while.

I probably should do it again.

- Was it the same kind of yoga though,

or the poses different?

- No, the same kind of poses.

- The same shit.

- Yeah, just not hot.

- Hot's the way to go though.

- I thought it's rad.

- Yeah.

- It's the harder.

- It is.

I remember, I did do a hot yoga here in Austin, like in July.

And I was like, "This isn't much different than outside right now."

And I remember feeling so relieved

when I saw somebody tap out of the room before me.

I was like, "I can't tap out first."

Just watching people and some guys.

I was like, "All right, I'm going to get out here in a minute."

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- I remember the first time I did it.

I was like, I can't believe it hard, this is.

I can't believe all these little old ladies

are walking into this thing with this rolled up foam mat.

And I'm like, you guys think you're working out?

Meanwhile, they're working out way harder than me.

I was literally getting strangled and it was easier.

I was going to Jiu-Jitsu and I was getting fucking arm-barred

and that was easier than going and fucking stretching

my feet out with these little old ladies.

- And seeing how these mothers,

like you'll see somebody who's like,

physicality is not like that note.

Like they look fit, let's say,

but you're not like, holy shit, look at this person.

- Right.

- And the way that they're holding themselves up

on their hands and their whole body's sitting on,

you know what I mean?

Like their knees are on their elbows and you're like,

how fuck are you holding yourself like this?

- Yeah, and very impressive.

It's a weird, it's an impressive thing

that you only know it's impressive when you try to do it.

- This is what I have this theory that everybody should try

things like that, Jiu-Jitsu, a boxing class,

even if you go one time, just once.

To have, just so you have an idea of what you don't know.

Because like every dude thinks he can fight, you know?

And I'm like, I know my limits so much in that regard

because I've been in classes, I've done classes.

So I know so much, I'm not an expert,

but I know how much I don't know.

I've rolled on, I've done Jiu-Jitsu classes,

I've done boxing classes and I'm like,

oh, these guys can fucking kill me, you know?

But you don't know that before you do it.

- Right.

- You don't know how hard that shit is.

- Yeah.

- You don't, I mean like boxing is a funny one

because people think they're like,

I could throw a punch, you're like,

you don't even have the fundamentals of how to throw a punch.

You don't even know how to throw a punch technically.

- Not only that, how many can you throw

before you're totally exhausted?

- Yeah, the exhaustion is real crazy.

- How many, you got in your tank, you got 10?

- 10 punches, a lot of people like throw,

they throw hay makers and they think they're throwing it,

but you're like, that's not even a punch, you know?

- Well, it is of it lands.

I guess, but it's definitely not a punch

that would really have that much of an effect

on somebody who knows what they're doing.

I mean, you could probably land that

on someone who also doesn't fight.

- You can land a lot of things on people

if they don't know you're gonna punch them.

- Yeah, that's why soccer punches work.

Whenever I used to teach martial arts,

one of the first things I would tell people

is you have to realize that action

is so much faster than reaction.

So the reason why a soccer punch works

is because you have no idea that this person

is going to do it, and then by the time they're doing it,

it's too late.

- It's too late for you.

- You don't react in time.

That's why people get punched like that.

I'm like, you can't ever let anybody get close enough.

You can't ever let anybody that's threatening you,

get into position where they think,

like you think that they can hit you,

and you don't know it's coming.

- Right.

- 'Cause it can happen too fast.

- So that's why you have to have your awareness

to that somebody approaching you

is already a threat, or can you?

- 100%, yeah.

Like, remember the time I got that stupid thing

on Fear Factor with that guy?

- Yeah, it was 100% my thought process.

So like this guy could punch me in any second.

- Yeah.

- So you have to act.

- Yeah, I had to grab him.

But it was one of those moments

where I was like, this is a very angry person

that's already irrational.

What's most irrational?

Soccer punch in the host.

- Yeah.

- And also this is like, you gotta think of reality TV.

What is everyone trying to do?

Everyone's trying to go viral.

They're all trying to have a clip

that gets played over and over again.

They're all trying to get everybody to watch the show.

So they're all acting in the most outrageous way possible.

- Yeah.

- I think it's like between that and social media,

it's been like poison in our civility, in our culture.

The way people communicate, the way people view

like famous people is totally different now.

'Cause you used to be famous

because you were Amy Winehouse.

Like, oh, I love your music.

Now it's you're just famous for whatever the fuck reason.

- You can be famous for just acting a fool.

Like it's being a complete dipshit.

- Yeah, being some guy who's famous

for stealing people's hats.

- Yeah.

- Just run up and grab people's hats everywhere.

That's a TikTok.

- Or yeah, you go up to people

and you whisper in their ear when they're at a home depot.

- Speaking of which, did you see what Andre Arlovsky

got into it with these fucking influencers?

I bet they didn't know who he is.

- Yes, I did see a clip of that.

- Yeah, I bet they didn't know who he is.

They started fucking with former UFC heavyweight champion

Andre Arlovsky.

- Yeah, and not a good move.

- He's, first of all, he's fucking gigantic.

And he's one of the baddest motherfuckers ever.

That guy just recently retired from the UFC

or was released, I should say.

He's not even done fighting.

He started fighting, he won the UFC title I think in 2005.

That's 20 fucking years ago.

And the guy was still beating people

that are like elite fighters just a few years ago.

- And that's how you go pick on?

- You go pick on that guy.

- Good luck.

I think he beat Travis Brown in like 2016 or '17.

Travis Brown was super legit, real dangerous.

- Yeah.

- Arlovsky was a bad motherfucker, dude.

- I went to a Travis Brown fight once with you.

- Travis Brown was a bad motherfucker.

Travis Brown completely changed the way people look

at the clinch, because he elbowed so many people

into oblivion.

If you got a hold of a single on that guy

and your head was right there or a double,

anything where you're trying to take him down

against the cage and your head is right there.

That fucking dude, boom!

We literally called him Travis Brown elbows.

'Cause everybody does it, but Travis Brown

did it better than anybody.

- That in those forearm shots that people take,

you're like, yeah, it's brutal.

It's such a brutal sport.

It's so crazy.

- That is so fucking crazy.

Yeah, I would not fuck with somebody.

I mean, I don't fuck with anybody,

but like if I saw that guy be the last guy,

I'd be like, oh.

- So many people out there in the world now

don't know how to fight.

- When I was a kid, almost no one knew how to fight.

There was like wrestlers, never fuck with wrestlers.

And there was like, oh, the guy,

he's Golden Gloves boxer, I don't fuck with him.

Like everybody knew who you couldn't, couldn't fuck with now.

Now everybody knows something.

And kids, they learn just by what,

they'll watch a Charles Oliver fight

and they'll practice in their fucking living room.

And next thing you know, they know how to do a real triangle.

Like you can watch a lot of shit on YouTube videos

and learn without even taking classes.

And kids are like learning some athletic kids,

like a kid that maybe he's really good at baseball,

really good at soccer or something like that.

He could teach him some moves pretty quick

and he's gonna know how to deliver it.

- My oldest does it twice a week.

And he's athletic kid.

He's got some proficiency and he keeps moving up,

you know, in time. - It's gonna kill you.

- Well, you're gonna have to start talking about classes.

- We also start, we'd fuck around

'cause he's two little boys.

This dude will immediately like go,

just put me in an arm bar and like, yo.

And the only thing that like saves me

is that I'm still so much bigger, you know,

and stronger, but I'm like.

- You might have to start taking classes.

- It's not gonna listen.

- The clock is ticking.

- When he's like 16 or 17.

- Oh, no, no, no, yeah.

- That'd be a real problem.

- Well, that's also a weird problem too

because all of the sudden you could do things to men.

Like I remember thinking that when I was like 16,

like 16 and 17, when I was competing,

I also not could beat men up.

I was like, this is crazy, yeah.

This is weird, 'cause all my life men were terrifying.

Like men get angry, men'll hit you.

Run, run from the men.

And now I'm like, how fuck this cool ass man up.

It was crazy, it was a crazy transition.

- I can see his wheels turning, dude.

- Right, so he's gonna know he can do it now,

so he's gonna wanna do it.

Come on, dad.

Come on, dad, come on, dad, what are you gonna do, dad?

Like you're fucking grounded, fuck you, I'm not grounded.

I'll choke you out.

- What?

- And you're in the fucking hallway.

He can't even get away, and he's 17 now.

He probably weighs a buck, 80.

- And they kind of ripped, he's got abs, they get embarrassed.

- Oh yeah, they called us and they're like,

hey, he's really good.

They're like, well, he's really gotta skill at this.

- Well, Jiu-Jitsu is athleticism is massive,

but also intelligence.

It's hard to be dumb and get really good at Jiu-Jitsu.

- He's a smart kid.

The other thing that's very different,

and I think you see this when you have more than one,

especially when you have two kids or more,

you start to see that some qualities in people's personalities

are innate qualities, right?

Like you just, especially 'cause you have your one,

you're like, oh, this is what a kid's like.

Then you're like, oh, the other kid's not like this.

They have these other qualities.

And one thing about him that we just pick up on

by being his parent is he's like, he's very competitive,

very, very competitive.

And so he's intelligent, he's competitive, and he's athletic.

And so you go like, oh yeah, he's just very driven, you know.

- But you should probably compete.

'Cause when you're young, if you learn how to compete

when you're young, oh my God,

it has so many benefits for the rest of your life.

Because it's so scary, and then you overcome it,

and if you could become successful at it,

you kind of feel like you could be successful at anything.

- Yeah.

- 'Cause you've been successful at something that's scary.

- Yeah, exactly.

He got into-- - He didn't get him in tournaments, man.

- He got into running?

- Oh boy.

- So like a couple of years ago,

I was getting ready, we were gonna do a 5K.

And I was way out of shape.

I was like, I gotta start running.

So the first thing I did was I ran a mile.

And he tried to run with, I mean, he was like, you know,

let's say like seven years old or something.

And I ran the mile in like, I don't know, 930.

I mean, I was dying, right?

I was like, fuck it up, my God.

He couldn't quite keep up with me in this one mile run.

He was the seven year old kid.

This year, he ran two miles in 1238.

- Whoa.

- He ran six and that--

- 'Cause he didn't like the fact that he wasn't good at running.

- He just fuck, and he would get up and be like,

I'm gonna go train.

I'm like, okay.

- Jesus Christ, you got a psycho.

- He's a psycho.

- He's running up hills and shit.

And he's like, come with me.

So like I have an adult with me.

He's just running up and down this hill over and over and over.

Like yeah, he's like very, but itself,

it's not me going, you gotta go run.

- Right.

- You know? - It's inside his head.

- It's in his head.

- Wow.

- If I was a coach, I'd be like, get that kid young.

- Grab him. - Grab him.

- That's what we want.

- Yeah, yeah.

- What you want is an intelligent psycho.

- Mm-hmm.

- You know, intelligent, driven, hyper-competitive psycho.

- Hyper-competitive.

The other kid, my youngest, will walk up a flight upstairs.

He goes, my legs hurt.

(laughing)

I'm like, what?

I want to go rest.

I'm like, he just walked up a fucking flight upstairs.

He's like, I know, but my legs are killing me.

I guess, completely different.

- It's so funny that that is such the case.

It's such the case.

It's interesting because there is this thought

of what a personality is.

Where does it all come from?

It's like a combination of so many different things.

It's a combination of nature, nurture, genetics.

- It's everything.

- Right.

- My youngest is exposed to things

that bring that out of you.

- Yes.

- You know what I mean?

- Let's imagine if he had never been exposed

to the running, never done jiu-jitsu,

never done anything.

- Then what happens to that?

- Right, yeah.

The other kid, he's like, you could tell he has,

he has like comedians mindset.

Because he's a complainer.

You know, like every like funny person complains.

- Oh yeah.

- Like the other day, I was in the writer's room

and I ate something that I was like in the writer's room,

but my stomach was like, fucking me up all day.

I was on the toilet.

I was like, it was like brutal to get through the day.

- So the macros saw it.

- I get home and I, he's in my room watching TV

and I lay down and I go, hey, can you turn that off?

'Cause like, I wanna rest, like my stomach is bothering me

and he goes, oh you wanna snooze?

(laughing)

- How old is he?

- Seven.

(laughing)

He goes, you wanna snooze?

(laughing)

He goes, I almost fucking threw up today.

- What?

- He goes, yeah, my stomach's, but I go, dude,

I've been on the toilet for like three hours.

- Oh no.

- And he goes, all right, why don't you have your little snooze?

I'll go out here.

- Oh my god. - He's like very animated, you know.

- That's hilarious.

- And then he's somewhere a suit.

This is insane, he's somewhere where it's suit.

And I'm like walking out of the house

and he goes, hey, I go, he goes, where's my suit?

(laughing)

What?

And then I'm not kidding you.

He goes, I look like a fucking asshole.

(laughing)

I go, what are you talking about?

He goes, you're in a suit, I look like an asshole.

He goes, get me a suit.

And I go, you don't need a suit.

And he goes, yes I do, why do you get to look like that?

I look like a fucking asshole.

(laughing)

He's like, all right, he's always,

you know what I mean?

He's always like complaining.

- That's hilarious.

- And it's just funny, 'cause we're like--

- That would be an amazing sitcom scene.

- I know.

- If you had a kid like that.

- That would be, I look like a fucking asshole.

- Yeah, that would be an amazing scene.

- We call him Joe Pesci.

(laughing)

- Because he's always talking like that.

He's always bothered.

You know, he's always hot.

And you're like, this is not a big deal, man.

- Oh my god.

- He's like, yes it is.

- That's hilarious.

- He's just fired up about shit.

- That's hilarious, that's so funny.

- But that's also in him.

- Right, right.

- And I mean, it's hard to his personality.

- Yeah, it's weird.

It's like kids get something from you, right?

They get some genetics.

And then they kind of get whatever that gift the universe is.

- Totally.

- Whereas like, that kid's not like either one of us.

Like where'd you come from?

- Christina thinks that she's like,

every time he's like, fired up about something

and I'm like, look at this kid, she goes, that is you.

- Yeah. - No, once he goes, yes.

- Well, you have a little of that in you.

- Yeah. - You definitely do.

I remember one of the most impressive things

about our sober October thing was you got the flu.

And so you were out of it for like a couple of days.

- Yeah.

- And so the moment you got back where you felt good,

you ran like 15 miles.

- In a day, yeah, yeah.

(laughing)

- Bro, we were all going nuts.

- Yeah, 'cause I was like, I can't be like dead, dead last.

Like I was like, I just can't.

I was in the gym at the old studio with Ari.

And Ari, it's like, could I use your gym?

- Like of course.

It's like after the podcast, I'm gonna work out.

I gotta get my numbers in.

- And so I was hanging out with them while he was rowing

and he's got a fucking six pack.

- Yeah.

- I was like, this is crazy, go, Ari, you have a six pack now.

I go, you're ripped.

I go, you look great.

- He's like, cool, thanks.

- And he was just fucking rowing.

He rode for a full hour, man.

- That was a chest strap on.

Like, cracking up his numbers.

- So it was the same voice in his head going, don't be dead last.

'Cause we all knew you were crazy.

- I was gonna be going totally psycho.

So we were just like, we can't be dead last

of the rest of us.

- Ari was trying to beat me.

- Yeah.

- 100%.

I know who he was.

- Yeah, but he were like pissing blood.

We were like, this guy's a little too crazy.

- Well, I decided one day to just like take it to the,

I wanted to see like, what can I do?

That was the day I did seven hours of cardio.

I think I'd set off my alarm in my gym from my sweat.

- Jesus.

- I set off the fire alarm.

- From just being so hot.

- Yeah, there's a video of it.

There's a video on Instagram of the puddles

on the ground are the most preposterous thing.

I sweat puddles.

- I think your wife too, right?

'Cause my, she was like, you can't do this anymore.

- She was like, what are you doing?

Like, you're not spending any time with your family.

You're just like so obsessed with this thing.

- It was like, I, I, I remet an old friend.

- Yeah.

- That's what it was like for me.

It was like, oh, I forgot that guy's in there.

- Yeah.

- I don't necessarily like that guy.

- Yeah.

- He, he scares me.

It's like, I don't like something.

It scares me not, not being dramatic.

This is what it is.

That, that could derail your life.

So you could, that obsession could take over again

with something, with anything.

And then I won't be doing anything but that thing.

Like, it's one of the reasons why I like to do a lot of stuff.

It's 'cause I don't want.

- One obsession.

- Yeah, I don't want that one, that brain to focus on,

it's not good for mental health.

It's really good for success.

Like if you're really, really gonna get really good

at one thing, that's the thing.

But for overall happiness, I don't find that to be appealing.

I don't like that feeling.

Like that sober October feeling was kind of crazy.

- This is kind of why, like, I feel like I,

I'm trying to embrace a lifestyle that's not,

that's accessible but not dramatic.

Like I could go and go, I'm gonna do, you know,

two and a half hours at the gym every day.

And I'm sure my results would, would show.

- Right, I want to look like Iron Man or whoever.

- But my problem is like, is like, it's like not,

that doesn't feel like, I'm gonna run out at some point

and be like, this is unsustainable.

So I'd rather.

- It's gonna take from your other things.

- Yeah, exactly.

I gotta do it where like, I'll do an hour and change

where, you know, of training and then try to dial

and eating and like, that's, you can keep that.

- Yes.

- That's sustainable.

- Right, exactly.

Yeah, but it's like, what are you trying,

it depends on what you're trying to do.

So like, we both have families, we both have a lot,

you know, there's a lot of people in our lives.

You can't just be a maniac and focus on one thing.

- You can't.

- 10 out, but Gordon Ryan, that's his Abu Dhabi belt up there.

- Oh yeah.

- That guy trains 365 days a year.

- Yeah.

- He doesn't take, fuck you for Christmas,

fuck you for your birthday.

Oh, it's Easter, fuck you.

Well, that's how he became the best of all time.

Like, if you really wanna do something--

- That's the saddest.

- But he doesn't have kids, it's not married.

He's only, you know, now he's 30.

But he did all this when he was in his mid 20s.

- That's also the age to be that obsessed with something.

- Exactly, especially if you wanna do this one thing

that everybody else is working really hard to.

You gotta figure out how to separate yourself.

And it's like, if you're running an ultra marathon

and you have 200 miles to run

and you take time and you're running

and you're running at a really good pace,

maybe even a faster pace than other people.

But then you take naps.

You take a nap for an hour or two hours or three hours.

And then you say, look, it'll be better this way

and then I'll be revived, I'm still really ahead.

That guy was not gonna take any naps is gonna beat you.

'Cause he's just gonna keep running.

He's gonna keep running.

And before you know it, a lot of these ultras,

like the guy who wins, they win by like 10 hours.

They win by nutty, Courtney DeWalter,

the lady who was on our podcast once,

she ran the big foot 240, I think.

And I think she was like eight hours ahead

of the second place.

- I kind of don't understand the mentality

that the ultra people have.

- Oh, it's dark.

- Yeah, I'm like, I don't get it.

- It's dark.

- How do you actually get there?

- Well, you have to be a complete nut

and then you have to wanna test yourself

to the point of almost death.

Because that's what these people are doing.

They're running like Goggins.

He ran one of these fucking things, got Rabdo.

So, Rabdo Mylosis was when you worked out too hard,

your body can't recover and you start pissing brown.

The real bad, your kid needs a break down.

He had to go to the hospital, went to the hospital,

got out of the hospital, completed the race.

And then he did like a hundred push-ups.

He's fucking, like this, he's like,

he's getting to the door of death, just the door.

And that's how he feels normal.

- Yeah, he feels alive by like getting his body to,

and he's 50, by the way.

- Fucking crazy.

- Yeah, he's a maniac.

- Did you watch, by the way?

Did you watch the Anthony Joshua Checkpull?

- I did.

- Of course I did.

- Yeah, I would've guessed.

- Yeah, I had to watch it, it's spectacle.

- Yeah.

- Look, that guy did great for someone who's been boxing

for like less than a decade.

He has had no real professional opponents

other than Tommy Fury that were legitimate world-class boxers.

- I don't even remember what happened in the time.

- He lost a close decision, but it was a good fight.

It was a good fight though.

- He's a good boxer.

If he wasn't a YouTuber, people would be way more impressed

with him. - Yeah.

- The problem is he was like a famous kid,

and then no one took him seriously.

- Yeah.

- Oh, then he started too with like more spectacle-ish fights.

People were like, oh, this is you, he thought Nate Robinson

and like a basketball player.

- Yeah, but the thing is, he not Nate Robinson.

- He's not dead.

- And it's the way he did it that I was trying to tell people,

I'm like, no, no, that was skillful.

So like there's like boxing matches where you see two guys

just slugging it out, one guy lands a punch,

and yeah, he landed a good punch.

What Jake did is he slid back and landed a punch.

It's like the athleticism along with the intelligence,

the technique, I'm like, he's not even doing it that long.

And he's also hyper competitive.

Even though he's wealthy, you know,

like you would assume that wealth would take away your drive

for competition. - But it hasn't.

- He's also nuts, right?

This is the fact that he's willing to fight

the two-time heavyweight champion, former Olympic gold medalist.

A guy who was gigantic in his prime,

built like a Greek god, and then you're gonna stand,

and he's a one-punch killer,

and you're gonna stand in front of that guy,

and he avoided shots till the sixth run.

He just started getting tired.

- Yeah, he has movement in that fight was crazy.

It was very good.

- Yeah, it was very good.

- He was really keeping him moving around the whole ring,

and then-- - You can't afford to get tired.

- You can't get tired.

- That's the thing is, like, he gets tired

and a lot of his fights are delayed around,

so he should really sort that out.

Because if he had a much bigger gas tank,

like if he was training with some of these elite world class

strength conditioning coaches and just worked on his cardio,

he'd be beating way more guys.

- You think so?

- Yeah, 100%.

But it's like, what he's doing is learning

how to box, and he's boxing, he's training hard, for sure.

But to get that world class gas tank,

you need like a Sam Calavita.

You need like a Nick Kurson.

You need like these plyometrics experts

that have heart rate monitors on you,

and they're checking when your recovery is ready and go.

- Yeah, fuck it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You need guys monitoring your recovery,

monitoring your heart rate variability,

your VO2 max.

- I can't believe this. - I don't know,

and maybe he is, maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe he is doing that, but whatever it is,

it's not, it's not enough, because in so many of his fights,

like the Nate Diaz fight, he gets tired in the later rounds.

And the beginning, look, if that guy's only fighting three rounds,

he's a fucking handful, he's really good.

He clocked Anthony Joshua, he did hit him with a big right hand.

- He did.

- Didn't have any effect.

Because he's, you know, really, he weighed 216,

but he's done, he doesn't even have abs right at 216.

He could easily weigh 190.

I'm sure he could make 190.

- Yeah, then he Joshua's gigantic.

- So big.

- He's so big, he's so much bigger.

So of course, like, his punch that he knocks Tyrone Woodley

out cold with, Joshua just eats it.

- Yeah.

- Because he's a giant, he's a fucking giant man.

- He's so big, dude.

- He's so big.

- I give, I give Jake so much credit

for stepping into that ring.

- Bro, he got hit with a bomb, a right hand bomb.

- When he got hit with that too,

I don't know if enough has been made of the fact

that, I mean, it was absolutely devastating,

but the fact that he had awareness immediately to go like,

like, he looked at how he looked.

- Oh shit.

- Like, wow, it wasn't like, I think he went into that fight

knowing that was probably going to happen.

And ultimately, the big win for him would be

that he was even willing to do it

and that he could do well for a little bit.

- For a little bit.

- Yeah.

- And then eventually just deal with the fact

that Anthony Joshua was gonna connect with a bomb

and breaks his jaw and two places.

- Yeah.

- And he's fucked, it's Joshua's wire shot now.

He lost teeth.

- See, I mean, he made it to the sixth round.

- Yeah, pretty wild.

- Did they put your teeth back in

when they pop out like that or they gone forever?

- I don't know.

But it's just wire shot for like six weeks now.

- Yeah, you gotta eat nothing but protein shakes.

- Bro.

- It's a, I mean, look, it's a crazy world.

The thing is that I would hope that he recognizes

is right now he's doing great

and he's only, whatever he is, 28, I think.

- Is he 28?

- I think he is.

How old is Jake Paul?

He's young.

- God dang it.

- And he's probably made 300 million plus

in his boxing career.

How old is Jake Paul?

- He'll be 29 and no.

- Look at that.

So he's 28 years old, 29 next month.

Don't do this very long

because there's a price that you pay that is not worth it.

- Yeah.

- It's not worth it.

The price is deep depression, a severe brain imbalance

that's gonna lead you to addiction.

It leads so many people to impulsive behavior,

so many people become gambling addicts, drug addicts,

alcoholics after their fighting career.

It's, you could only take so much.

And that a certain, like that one that he got from Joshua.

Ooh, you know, say if you have like a punch card,

you have like so many punch that you can get

in your life which I believe you do.

- I believe.

- I believe there's a certain number.

That one was like 10 bunches.

- Yeah.

- That was a lot of concussions in that one punch.

- Sure.

- That was real damage.

Like if someone's breaking your jaw in two places,

the inside of your fucking head is,

there's a lot of damage going on in there too.

- Fuck yeah.

- Just don't do it for, I know too many guys that like,

they wanted to be cool guys and they kept sparring,

like deep into their 30s and 40s.

They would go to the gym and do hard sparring,

not you just do boxing, boxing sparring.

So they're just standing in front of each other,

slugging it out, they get bloody noses,

they laugh about it and think it was cool.

Then they go about their day and I'm like, man,

that's gonna get you.

'Cause at a certain point in time,

that fucking depression is unavoidable.

It just creeps it, you just every, you just,

oh, you don't feel good, you just don't feel good.

Like you're just like, oh, all the time just,

oh, oh, oh, oh.

Their whole day is like, oh, oh, oh, no thanks.

- You know that feeling when you're hungover?

That's their life.

- That's no, that's no way to live.

- It varies, some guys don't get that.

- And he definitely doesn't have to do that.

- No, not anymore, if he could do anything,

like I can do anything.

If he could do what he did in boxing,

he could do anything, just don't do it forever.

It's just one of them things where it's like,

the price you pay is eventually not worth it.

- Yeah.

- Awesome that he did, I mean awesome that he made,

he probably made a hundred million dollars.

- Exactly.

- Jesus Christ, that's so much.

I don't know what he got paid, but also it's probably worth

another hundred million in publicity.

- Easily.

- Because people loved watching him get knocked out.

- They did.

- But also had to say that guy has fucking balls.

And he does, he earned it, he earned it.

That guy has ever, if he doesn't have your respect

after that fight, 'cause a lot of people are like,

oh, you're gonna fight Javonte Davis,

he's only 135 pounds.

He's like, okay, I'll fight a guy 110 pounds bigger.

So he, (laughs)

- No, you could not pay me enough to do that.

- Guys got balls, he's got nothing but respect from me.

- Yeah, nothing but respect, just don't do it forever.

There comes a time where the cost is not worth it.

Because some people never return.

That's what you have to understand.

There's people that get out, like if you listen

to Randy Cotour talk now, talk's fine, he's great.

He was knocked out a bunch of times.

Chuck Lidale knocked him out.

- They knew when to dip out.

- New when to dip out.

And you know, Randy also like really didn't even begin

as UFC career until his late 30s, if I'm correct.

He was a 35, it might have been 34 or 35

when he had his first UFC fight.

I was there.

That was in like fucking the middle of nowhere

in the South.

- That's pretty old, right?

- Oh yeah, pretty.

- Well he was an elite wrestler.

He was an elite Greco-Roman wrestler

and then he got into MMA late in life.

Back in the time, the days when you'd be able to wear shoes,

they used to wear wrestling shoes when they fought.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Oh wow.

- The early days, he used to be able to wear shoes.

But like, he's fine.

There's a bunch of guys that are still fine,

but there's a bunch of guys that are really struggling,

really struggling.

Don't get there.

- Scary.

- Dip out before that happens.

- It's really scary.

- No when to dip out and have friends

that tell you when to dip out.

You gotta, you have a coach that doesn't say,

well, let's give it one more shot.

- Yeah.

- Like don't, that's not, you only want to be doing that

if you're trying to be the best in the world.

That's my opinion.

I mean, there's a lot of guys who are never going

to be the best in the world and they still love competing.

But, and that's great too.

And there's a lot of guys that make a living doing it

and they make good money and, you know,

and they feed their families.

And I'm not saying, but if you have an option,

I don't think you should do unless you're a fucking

complete maniac, absolutely obsessed.

You want to do it more than you want to do anything else

in life because if you don't feel like that,

there's a guy out there that does.

And that guy's gonna fuck you up.

That guy's gonna come and take your soul away from you.

I always think of Mike Tyson when he was 20.

I was like, if you're not that dedicated,

you shouldn't be fighting because Mike Tyson's not one person.

There's a bunch of those guys out there.

There's Alex Pereira.

There's all these guys out there in the world

that are that obsessed, you know.

There's all these Islam Makachev's and Ilya Toporias.

There's these guys out there in the world

that are just driven to do it.

And if you want to fight, if you really want to fight,

if you run into one of those guys

and you're not doing what they're doing,

you're gonna get tuned up.

Alex, I didn't realize how big he is.

- Giant.

- I did not realize that until the photo of him next

to somebody I know, like a friend on I was like,

there's a lot of chatter about him fighting

in the heavyweight division now.

- Really?

- There's a lot of chatter about it.

There's a lot of chatter about him,

perhaps even fighting Cyril Gone.

I don't know how much of this is true.

I haven't talked to Dana about it,

but it's not an illogical move.

He's 240 pounds right now, 240 plus.

- And he's like, but 646.

- 646, 646, 646, 5.

- And don't make no mistake about it.

That guy can knock out heavyweights.

No doubt about it.

He hits harder than anyone they've ever recorded ever

on that fucking stupid punch machine, you know that thing.

Francis and Gano got like a 129 on it, which is crazy.

He got a 190.

- 190?

- 190.

When you watch him hit it, you're like,

what the fuck, what you wanna see it?

You should just see it just to feel

what it would feel like to get hit in the head by that.

- Oh my god.

- Like that guy he's out there in the world, you know what I'm saying?

Like if you think you're gonna be a journeyman

and you're gonna all of a sudden,

you know, be looking across the octagon

and that guy's standing there, Chama.

Like he's gonna hunt you, he's gonna hunt you.

And you're not in that space that he's in.

He's in a killer-be-killed space.

And you're in a, this is fun to compete.

- Yeah, it's not the same thing.

Not the same thing.

- Watch this video 'cause it's fucking bananas.

- Oh, when he hits it, you just go,

everybody around him goes, oh, like what the fuck they say?

Watch this.

- Oh my gosh.

- See that?

One more time, one more time.

- Well, you're doing it in the beginning?

- That if you don't, the sound is so crazy.

- That's your face.

- You know what Mark Goddard was the referee

in his fight with Cleo Roundtree.

And he came up to me right after the fight.

Like I got into the octagon,

they were gonna, you know, announce Alice Prayer,

winner by knockout.

Goddard walks up to me, goes,

the sound that guy makes,

he goes, I've been doing this for 20 years.

He goes, the sound is ungodly.

- Really?

- It's ungodly, it's different.

And you can see when you're hearing it,

doing commentary, you see it'll look on the guy's faces.

- When they get hit.

- When they get hit, they're like, oh, this is real.

This is different.

- Yeah, there's some different dudes out there, man.

- There's some different dudes out there.

And that's a different, not just of dedication and drive

and focus, 'cause he definitely has all that,

but it's genetics.

That dude is a legitimate Amazon warrior.

Like he comes from a tribe in the Amazon.

And he goes back to that tribe

and he puts on the traditional outfits that they wear

and the face paint and hangs out with them.

And it's like, yo, he would've been the fucking tribal war.

- Yeah, he would've been the chief, yeah.

I mean, that's his ancestry.

- Fuck me.

- Yeah, he speaks the language.

- Oh, he does like the dialect.

- I think.

- I don't want to mispeak,

but I'm pretty sure he understands what they're saying,

'cause he's talking to them.

Not just Portuguese, like Brazil, but they have,

that whole Amazon area is so fascinating, man.

- Have you been to the Amazon?

- No.

- I went once.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- What'd you do?

- My uncle was working for an oil company in Peru.

And there's a part of Peru called Iquitos in the north

where there's the jungle.

And I went with him and we went out on the Amazon

and then we pulled up to some place

and he's like, we're gonna eat here, right?

It's not like a fucking Terry Blacks, right?

It's just like some fucking--

- A shack. - A shack.

- And the guy just kept bringing it.

I was like, what am I eating?

He was like, I'll tell you later.

- Perana.

- It was all kinds of weird shit.

- We eat.

I mean snakes and rabbits and Amazonian shit

that I've never even heard of and I would take bites.

I'm like, what is this?

Later, I'll tell you later.

- Okay, they made me eat all this stuff

and I was like, this is fucking great.

But when you're out there, yeah, you are kind of wowed.

You're just in awe of everything around you.

And like just the fact that this is on the planet with us

and you can make a trek to a place like this

where there's species of not just animals, flowers and trees

and things that don't exist anywhere else.

And it's so rich with everything that's there.

It's an awe-inspiring kind of thing.

- It hasn't even been documented.

I mean, there's so many pharmaceutical drugs

that come from plants they find in the Amazon.

- It's wild.

- It's such a crazy place.

You know the craziest part about it?

The density of the Amazon rainforest is essentially man-made.

- Man-made?

- Man-made, yeah.

They didn't know that until fairly recently.

- Those are agriculture plants

that grew out of control.

- And they constantly find, but they'll find,

you know, they'll find like a species of a bird

and they'll be like, this is the only place

we've ever seen this bird.

It doesn't exist anywhere else on the planet.

- It all used to be populated too.

That's what's really crazy.

- Yeah.

- They do, if you've seen that lidar stuff they do.

- Yes.

- And they find all these ancient structures.

- Yes.

- The white man came and brought the kudis.

- And there's still like these tribes

that live there and literally have blow darts.

- Oh yeah.

- That hunt.

- That's how they kill their meals.

- My friend Paul Rosalie lives there.

- Lives there?

- Lives in the Amazon.

He's got this organization that's working

to try to preserve the rainforest.

One of the things that they do is they find these loggers.

And these loggers generally, they're poor guys

that just get forced to do these jobs.

And he pays them more than they get paid as loggers

to protect the rainforest.

So instead of cutting it down.

Now you have a job where you get paid more,

but now your job is to protect the forest.

- So they plant more and everything?

- Yeah, they plant more.

They stop people from, I don't know if they plant honestly.

They stop people from cutting things down.

The problem with planting,

and this is where the Amazon gets really weird.

The Amazon soil natively is not conducive

for growing a lot of stuff.

So there's a type of soil that's man-made

that they do not know how they did it.

They do not know when they started doing it.

But it's called terra preta.

Is that what it's called?

And it's a thick, dark man-made soil.

So it's essentially compost

and all these different process and carbon

and a bunch of things that they get into this man-made layer

that's all over the Amazon.

- Wow.

- That whole area.

We thought it, like, so there, you know,

this Lost City, a Z story.

So the Lost City, a Z was that movie, did you ever see it?

Was it Percy Richards?

What was his name, Percy Fossett?

Percy Fossett.

So this guy goes down to the Amazon a long time ago

and he comes back with this story, you know,

European traveler, comes back with this story

of golden cities and it's amazing.

And so he comes back, it reports his findings

and then a hundred years later,

like a new search party goes down there

to look for this place and they don't find nothing.

Like, oh, that guy was full of shit.

But he wasn't full of shit.

It was all real.

It's just that he brought the kudis.

So they brought disease and literally wiped out

millions of people, millions of people.

And the jungle just consumed whatever structures

were there in a hundred years.

Which is like, look at Detroit.

Detroit is freezing cold.

It's nowhere near is tropical.

- Yes, of course.

- This is the Amazon.

But Detroit, houses or trees are growing straight through them.

It's only been like 50 years.

So in a hundred years in the Amazon, everything was gone.

All the people were dead.

All the structures which were wood,

were all just like consumed by the rainforest.

- Whoa.

- Yeah, and they didn't even know this

until they started doing this lidar stuff.

And so this lidar stuff, when they're flying over

with this, it's a type of laser.

And essentially it looks into the ground

and finds structures that right through the trees.

- They can like scan things.

- And they're finding aqueducts and roads

and like the complex irrigation systems,

big giant symmetrical structures like this.

This is all covered by jungle.

Like these are all buildings and streets.

Like they had millions of people living in the Amazon.

Millions.

- This is like the same, you know the theory

that you know how like UAPs have become more,

like there's congressional testimonies about it.

And everybody's always talking about

where are these visitors coming from.

But like one of the theories is that

they're not visitors from somewhere else.

- Yeah.

- They're visitors from our own planet.

- That is an interesting thing.

- I was always interesting, especially just because

we know how much of our planet is actually unexplored.

Like we always think of it as like,

oh we know the planet.

But like most of the ocean is unexplored.

Like a huge number of, and then obviously things

like the jungle where you're just discovering like,

oh look there's a whole civilization in there.

- Well there was a civilization.

- Was, yes.

- I think the Amazon rainforest people

that they encounter now, the uncontacted people

are probably as survivors.

- Yeah.

- 'Cause the thing is during the ice age,

the equator was lush.

So these areas probably had, like the population,

yeah huge populations, perfect climate.

I mean think about all the incredible structures

that you find in those areas.

Like the ink instructors and the Mayan structures.

Like there are obviously like a very advanced civilization

back there.

- Nothing makes sense when you're there.

Like I've been three times to Machu Picchu

and you're always--

- Oh you went to Machu Picchu?

- Yeah, I went three times.

And every time, because you see photos and stuff

when you're actually there, you're like,

it's just your brain just goes, I don't, you know,

it doesn't, 'cause it's all theories.

Everyone, like though you'll have a guide

who's like, this is how, and you're like yeah,

but this is your guess motherfucker, you don't know that,

you know, he just doesn't add up in your head

how this could be built up in the Andes.

- Like, well the predominant theory

by the alternative historians is that water

was that high back then, in that area, yeah.

And that there've been some enormous seismic changes,

you know, earthquakes and the like,

which is one of the reasons why they made those stones,

the way they did in the first place.

Like if you see the stones, they're cut like jigsaw puzzle pieces

and slipped into place.

- Yeah, the reason why they did that

is because that would better redistribute any energy

that would come from an earthquake.

- So instead of like brick stacked on top of bricks,

they're all like interlocking with each other

with a bunch of different angles.

- But they're immense.

- These pieces are so immense.

And it's laying perfectly flush against the next piece.

Like it's not like kind of slapily thrown together.

It looks like an architecture firm designed it

and hired, you know, like that there were cranes

putting, you're like, how the fuck would this be put together

in 1500?

- Yeah, it's really, really difficult to figure out.

- Yeah.

- They don't know and they don't even know the date.

The date is silly because they're not,

what they're basing the date off of,

there's a bunch of different structures.

There's the base structure, which is way more complex

and way bigger.

Like, especially the Soxit-Wamon and a bunch of these other places

that they have layers of civilization.

It's really clear.

Like the layers above it are like less sophisticated

than the giant megalithic stuff that's below it.

And yet they all try to attribute it to the same time.

The problem is they get married to a timeline.

And once they get married to that timeline,

then they go, oh well, that's just what it is.

- That's just what it is.

- But they don't know what it is.

And they've discovered this new stone structure

that is in Oregon and it's 18,000 years old.

They didn't even think up until fairly recently.

They didn't think that people were here 18,000 years ago.

- There's a structure in Oregon that's 18,000 years old.

- Yeah, let me see if I can find it.

I think, yeah, here it is, I found it.

- I always feel like when the experts give you the--

- A final statement, yeah.

Testing yields new evidence of human occupation

18,000 years ago in Oregon.

So they just keep, so this is a stone wall.

It's pretty cool.

So they found camel teeth fragments

under a layer of volcanic ash

from an eruption in Mount St. Helens

that was dated over 15,000 years ago.

Team also uncovered two finely crafted orange.

I don't know what that word is.

- A gate scrapers?

- A gate scrapers.

I guess it's a type of stone.

One of 2012 preserved bison blood residue

and another in 2015 buried deeper in the ash.

So they did the radio carbon dating on this stuff

and they came up with a date of 18,250 years

before present time.

- Fuck, that's so goddamn long ago.

- The date in association with stone tools

suggested the rim rock draw rock shelters

one of the oldest human occupation sites

in North America.

See if you can find what that looks like.

So there's a few places in America

where people are like, okay, what the fuck is this?

And one of them that's really interesting.

What is perplexity after sight about this?

The site is a shallow rock shelter

about three meters deep, 20 meters long

on a basalt rim near the town of Riley

in Harnage County, Oregon at the northern edge

of the Great Basin.

Interesting.

This stuff is so interesting to me.

- Yeah.

- 'Cause there's a weird one in Montana.

Have you seen the sage wall in Montana?

This one's really weird.

So this one is actually debatable apparently.

So there are some people that are geologists

that look at this and say, this could be a natural formation.

And other people look at and go, yeah,

but it has like legit tooling on it.

So this is a wall that's on a piece

of private property in Montana.

Like just looking at that image, boy,

that looks a lot like people made it.

Yeah, that looks a lot like people made it.

So there's an argument though

that there are similar, but not as uniquely man-made

looking structures that are not,

that are definitely not man-made.

- Wait, so this is a,

the debate is that this might not be man-made.

Like this might be naturally occurring.

- Exactly.

Like look at that.

What are the odds that that is, what is that?

Like what is that?

Is that evidence of an ancient civilization

or is that just a geological formation?

- Well, the funny thing is in that image,

I lean more towards, I could see how you could

make a case of a natural formation.

- Perhaps.

- But on the other ones where things look more stacked,

it feels like that, like that second image below.

- No, that's, I think that's AI.

- Oh, okay.

- That's why I was trying to be careful

on which ones I was going to show you.

- But when you look at it from the top,

that's kind of crazy.

- Yeah, that is kind of crazy.

- There's parts of it though that look like,

well, there's stuff around that that just doesn't look

as uniquely man-made.

But it is without a doubt weird.

Because if it turns out that people did make this thing

and apparently it goes deep into the ground,

like there's some cuts that looks like,

and then there's also some evidence that looks like

somebody might have been working on the stone,

like drill holes or something.

I forget what it was.

But look at these.

- Yeah, that looks like.

- Oh, yes, this is not that.

- It's comparing.

- That's comparing it to the stuff that's in Peru,

which has some of the craziest stuff.

Peru has some of the craziest stuff in the world.

Like, look at that.

Like, look at that angle.

Go back to that one right there.

Like, what the fuck is that?

That's crazy.

- Are there nubs on any of these rocks?

- That's a good question.

But some of them like, boy, that looks really fucking suspicious.

- You've looked up, I don't know if we've talked about

the lines of Nazca before.

- Oh, yeah.

So, would you know about the mummies,

the Tradactyl mummies that they found in that area?

Oh, boy.

- No.

- Oh, boy.

Okay.

So, they've always had artwork that depicted

these three-finger, three-toed beings with big eyes.

It's a part of like ancient-improving artwork.

Like, they're dated back to like a thousand years.

Well, they've found these mummified remains

of the weirdest looking fucking creatures

you've ever seen in your life.

They're three feet tall.

They have big heads, three fingers and three toes.

And they're dead.

And then they do CT scans on them.

They have all the ligaments and structure of a living being,

but with a different scapula than us.

And I think, oh, they don't have a sternum,

but they have all, they have the ribs that we have.

I think the same amount of ribs,

but their structure's different.

But it's a real structure.

Like, when you see the structure with the CT scan,

you see flesh and tissue, these things.

Bro, this is all in Peru.

So there's all these little metallic implants

on this thing too, but this is the structure of its body.

And as it goes further, it shows the tissue and everything,

because it's mummified.

So you could see like ligaments and tissue.

And when you, so there's a bunch of different scans

that they did, and one of them, the being was pregnant.

But look, it has a spinal column.

It has all the joints are in order,

but they're different than our joints.

In that area, yes.

This is all in Peru.

And it's all in the state.

Look at it, it has a fucking metallic golden implant

and it's forehead.

And look at the size of its head.

Like it looks like a gray, right?

See if you can get some of those images

that show the CT scans of the tissue,

because the CT scans of the tissue are the weird,

it all, all set, there it is.

So it also has fingerprints, which are weird.

Like, look at that.

It has fucking fingerprints, but they're different than ours.

And three digits.

Unique fingerprints.

They don't know what this is.

But my friend, Jesse Michaels,

went down there and saw them in person.

He said it was unreal.

He said it's really fucking bizarre.

- Did I tell you when I went to the Linus, the Nazca?

- No.

- So I went there.

I was in the...

- Did we get a picture of the whole skeleton?

- And my uncle sat me up to go see them with my dad.

And so we got into what was a cartel plane

that was confiscated by the government.

And it was now like a proving government plane,

like a military plane.

But it was really like four seats in the back,

two pilots in the front, I think, two propellers, right?

One of those types of planes.

The best way to see the lines is in a chopper,

so you can hover, but we went on a plane.

And we're like, I mean, you can't believe what you're seeing,

right? - Right.

- You're flying over and then take us...

And then in the middle of it, my dad's like, I need to pee.

And I'm like, what?

He's like, tell the pilot I need to pee.

I'm like, we're gonna keep doing this.

He's like, I have to pee now.

- Oh boy.

- So I go to the pilot, I was like, hey, my dad's got to pee.

He's like, what?

I'm like, yeah.

He's like 65, I'm like, he's got to pee.

And the guy's like, all right.

So we just find some random airstrip,

I think in Peacecore or something.

And then how long does it take to do that?

- I forget.

I mean, we had to go out of our way.

And then, you know, he pees.

- How long did it take?

- I mean, for us to get to the airstrip,

probably like, it was out of the way.

So maybe like another 20 minutes or something.

- Oh boy.

- And I was like, dude, he's like, what am I supposed to do?

I was like, I don't know.

Didn't you fucking pee before we got in this thing?

He's like, yeah, but I gotta pee again.

- Okay, all right. And then they just like walk around

and they find an oil canteen

that was like discarded on the runway.

And they're like, this is for your dad

so that if he has to pee again.

(laughing)

We don't have to lay on the fucking plane.

And I was like, here you go, dad.

Like, if it strikes you again, please piss in this.

- Did he do it?

- Yeah, he did it.

- He did, he pissed it again.

- Oh my God.

- He pissed in the oil can?

- Yeah.

- So you're flying around with your dad's piss off.

- With my dad's piss.

- And then where he's like, that's pretty neat.

- He's looking at the lines in the mask, yeah.

Like yeah, pretty neat man.

- Really bizarre.

- It's kind of funny too to think about,

show me the images of the like the red ones

where it shows the tissues and the ligaments.

- The fact that some people aren't wowed by things like this.

Do you know what I mean?

- Jay Anderson had a good one.

He had a bunch of good, 'cause he did a piece on it too.

Yeah, well you have to be out of your fucking mind.

You're not be wowed by this.

- Yeah, I know, but don't you feel like half the population

is like, oh, that's cool.

- Half the population is asleep.

- Yeah, they're all on TikTok.

It's all rot in their brain.

They're all just social media is like,

transform their attention.

They're locked in on nonsense,

on things that don't have any bearing on their life,

whatsoever.

And that's what they're focusing on.

Six hours a day.

- Yeah.

- That's a lot of people.

- And then you show them something like this

and they're like, that's cool.

- This is completely bananas.

Yeah, that's a, that's a fucking alien.

It's a fucking alien.

Or it might have been a kind of human being, right?

So, you know about, there's a bunch of different ones.

Sorry, everybody knows about Neanderthals.

But there's also the Hobbit people in the island of Flores.

There's three-foot tall human beings

that looked probably like, you know, like a Hobbit,

like a little chimpanzee.

Look at that fucking thing.

- Fucking A.

- Like what is that?

And the thing is it's like, if you just saw the outside,

you'd go, oh, that's a cool structure

or a cool sculpture rather.

But then when you see the actual ligaments and tendons

and all the stuff inside of it, you go,

oh, this is a living being, whatever the hell it is.

And they all have three toes and three fingers.

- It just, it's just strikes me too,

that like this isn't the primary conversation.

- Look at that, we're having though.

- I mean, look at that.

- I know.

- How insane is that?

- It's an alien, man.

- They're very different.

They also, they have different shaped heads.

Like, there's a difference between, you know,

how many did they find?

- Oh, there's quite a few of them.

There's quite a few of them.

- What is the month throughout?

Is that it? - That's the bigger one.

That's the biggest one that they have.

- That's the name they gave it?

- Yeah, they gave it a name.

So this is the largest one and the most impressive.

And she has these metallic implants.

She's got the one on her forehead

and she's got several of them on her body.

It's a very weird thing because it seems like

it's a living creature, but it's not like a human being.

Like even the way it's skull, those lines in the skull,

like we all have those, whatever those lines are.

- Yeah, where the blades, yeah.

- Their lines are different than ours.

Everything's different.

- Jesus. - Yeah.

- When they found these things,

grave robbers find them.

So they don't really tell you where they found them.

They lie about them.

They find them in Peru.

- But I mean, like how long ago did this happen?

- All this is fairly recent.

All this is in the last decade or so.

But the really, the focus on it has been over the last year.

So where a lot of these scientists have gone down there

to take a look at it and guys like Jesse Michaels

and some other people, the problem is the country

doesn't want them removed for testing, right?

But you're gonna have to bring equipment down there

because testing has to be done.

Like we have to figure out what these things are

because it seems like it's a life form

that is a bipedal, hominid that's different than us

that probably lived alongside.

By the way, that thing's also 1,200 years old.

- That's old.

- Yeah.

- And that's 1,200 years old.

- It's not a fake.

- What if that's the civilization that did those lines?

- Very well could be.

They could be the same civilization

that also did all those structures up there.

There might have been living amongst us.

There might have been multiple different civilizations

in the past that just don't exist anymore.

If these things turn out to be real

and they do have this enormous head

and these weird spindly bodies and three fingers

and three toes and they start finding more and more artifacts

that point to that, that changes our understanding

of what has existed here before.

'Cause whatever that thing is, it's at the very least,

it's advanced enough to give itself metal implants.

Like what's going on there?

Where it has a gold circle and it's forehead?

- Implanted into its skull.

Like what's the point of that?

Like what, I mean, 'cause gold does have a place

in electronics.

You know, they use gold in certain electronics.

It's got great kind of conductivity.

- Right.

- So why does it have, what is that thing?

If it's a real thing, everybody should be,

like it should be front page, see what I'm saying?

- That's what I'm saying.

- Yeah, look at that, look at that implant.

That's Jay Anderson, he was actually just on.

- What could this mean?

- Yeah.

Bro, it's bananas.

- Look at those eye, like the slots for the eyes?

- Yeah, like a gray alien.

- Tridactyl, but yeah, like a gray alien.

And by the way, like, people have described

when they've had encounters.

They've described things that look exactly like that.

Three fingers, three toes, spindly, big head, large eyes.

- And he went down there and,

he went down, my friend, Jesse Michaels,

went down there and actually touched them.

He was, that was the first video.

He was in the room while they were doing the scans.

He said it's so strange.

He said it feels so surreal because it's so obvious

that it was a real living thing.

- I don't understand how that's not like the lead story

in the news everywhere.

- Yeah, and meanwhile, they're arguing over everything.

Everything else, everything, whatever the fuck it is.

- Can you believe what's going on?

What turning point you are saying?

- They found aliens. - I know.

- They found alien bodies.

Like, if you ever wanted alien bodies,

well, show me your body, that's an alien body.

- It's one.

- It's the very least it's not us.

So maybe it's from here and when extinct,

or maybe it's in the ocean.

- Or the congressional testimony of like high level whistle

blowers being like, we have these, whatever,

this ship, whatever you want to call it,

that we've, and then it's like, you know,

congressional testimony and everyone's like, that's cool.

- Nobody cares.

- Yeah, everybody's like, talking.

- But it was funny that--

- It was Nicki Minaj, it was on stage at the TPUSR.

- It's crazy.

It's really crazy to me.

- Yeah.

- That's like, that's not captivating people more.

- Well, I think, you know, people are in a trance.

There's a giant percentage of our populations in a trance.

That should be the main news, other than the wars,

that should be the main news today.

- Well, hopefully they're in a trance

to watch my new special teacher on Netflix.

- Hey, I like how you did that.

- Go ahead and zone out and watch that with your family.

- Yeah, well, Comedy's fucking super important

when the world's going crazy.

- It sure is.

- When the world's going crazy, right now,

we were talking about the Epstein releases,

like before we got started.

Like, first of all, like--

- The photo dump and the emails, it's fucking nuts.

- But it's also, they're doing it so slowly.

Like, you guys have had this stuff for a year.

- And we were promised multiple times, it's coming, it's coming.

- Doesn't it seem like you could just throw all that

in the AI at this stage of the game

and just redact the names of the victims and let's go?

- Yeah, of course.

- It seems like that would take five minutes.

- I mean, it feels like, I mean, you can't help

it feel like the administration is just like

watching their back and that's why it's happening.

- Watching someone's back, you mean,

it's all speculative why they haven't released it,

but it's not good.

It's not good for everybody's confidence.

- No.

- So it's not good that this thing was going on,

that they had this bizarre blackmail operation running.

- That's very weird.

- Very strange.

- Very weird.

But it kind of makes sense.

'Cause if you're a, you know, a 60-year-old billionaire

and you're a freak and you like to get your freak on,

but unfortunately, you're a gigantic software developer

and everybody knows who you are.

- Yeah.

- Like, it's hard to get your freak on.

- Well, that's the thing is, like, there's,

that it makes sense when you go like,

oh, some of these dudes really like visiting that place.

Like, that's the only place they can go.

- Right.

- You can't go anywhere else.

- Right.

- And that's why they set it up for them.

- Yeah.

- Eric Weinstein said that to me once.

And he looked, I was like, oh, okay, that makes sense.

- If you're the former president of the United States,

you can't go to a nightclub.

- Yeah, he said, I think there are people out there

that provide experiences for certain people

that have a hunger for them.

- Yeah.

- It's like, of course, of course.

And that's also how they compromise people too, right?

- Oh, yeah.

- That's how they get you to vote the way they want you to vote

and play ball, Bobby, we got video, you suckin' a dick.

- Yeah.

- What do you want to do?

- Yeah.

'Cause like, I bet all those people have something on them.

That's how they stay in the game.

- That's how they have to.

- You're like, you're scullin' bones, you gotta suck the dick.

- Well, look at, like--

- Otherwise, we can't trust you.

- For the Epstein shit, like, look at the level

of people that we're visiting.

I mean, it's all at the highest level

of influence, power, and fame.

- Yeah.

- And so you go, yeah, this dude wants to do some wild shit.

- You can't go to fucking, you can't go to Cheetahs

and get it done, you know, and you can't do it.

He's gotta go somewhere, yeah.

What sounds like a private island?

- Yeah, he can't just, like, order up a call girl.

- Uh-huh.

- He's too, it's too risky.

- Where you goin'?

I'm goin' to Captain Billionaire's house

to suck his dick, I do it every Tuesday.

Plus, I'm on meth.

And I'm really good at keeping secrets.

- Yeah.

(laughing)

- He's guys, the fucking, it's dark, it's fucking dark.

- So some guy comes along and says,

I can take care of your problem.

- And then, yeah.

- And everybody says, oh, trust me, he's a great guy.

- He's really cool.

- And he also does this thing, yeah, great sense of humor.

I staff love him.

They also do this thing where, you know,

it's like you're gonna hang out with other famous people

so it must be safe.

Hey, Bill Clinton's here, this is no problem.

- This is a statement released by the spokesperson,

our spokesman for Bill Clinton.

- Oh, let's read that.

- Wait a minute, there's a person who signed it.

I'm, my name is Angel Eurena Spokesman

for the former president, Bill Clinton.

Isn't that weird?

- He's a deputy chief of staff for Brooklyn.

- Okay.

He's, he's still got a chief of staff.

What does he do these days?

Epstein files Transparency Act

and poses a clear legal duty on the U.S. Department of Justice

to produce the full and complete record

of the public demands and deserves.

That, the public demands and deserves.

However, what the Democratic Department of Justice

has released so far in the manner in which it did so

makes one thing clear, someone or something

is being protected.

We do not know whom, what or why.

This is like the killer pretending to be the detective.

- Yeah.

- We have got to solve this crime.

We do not know whom.

- This is the killer joining the search party.

- We do not know whom, what or why.

- We have photos, are you in a fucking hot tub, buddy?

But we do know this.

We need no such protection accordingly.

We call on President Trump

to direct Attorney General Bondi

to immediately release any remaining materials

referring to mentioning or containing

a photograph of Bill Clinton.

This includes without limitation.

Any records that may exist

and are subject to disclosure under the Act Public Law

on 19-38 and act on November 19th, 2025,

including grand jury transcripts,

interviewed notes, photographs and findings, buddy.

This means a deal was made.

So if you have a press release like that,

that means the call went well.

You got to deal in, whew, we're good.

- We are good.

- All we have to do is let 'em run for a third term.

- And we're fine.

- And look, he's, (laughing)

- Do Clinton chilling in that hot tub, too?

- Hey, I would chill in a hot tub, too.

It feels nice.

- Yeah, it feels nice, but it's just like to,

- What's the big deal?

You're chilling in a hot tub.

If I went to your house and you had a hot tub,

let's all get in a hot tub, I get in there.

- Come on, take a picture of me and my fuck, dude.

I don't even know her, why'd you do that?

I don't know, I don't know how much she was.

- And you got cameras up all over your house?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- He knew what he was doing.

- Oh yeah, probably watching people do coke

in the bathroom, you got cameras of that.

They were probably doing all kinds of shit.

- He was compromising a lot of people.

- And made a shit ton of money doing it.

- God damn, he sure did.

- Boy, that's what's really weird.

He got gifted a giant mansion in Manhattan,

by the dude from Victoria Secret.

- Victoria Secret, yeah.

And then that guy was like, yeah,

he was just running my finances,

but then I didn't realize what kind of guy he was,

but I gave him billions of dollars to manage.

And you're like, what?

- Yeah, I didn't know what kind of a guy he was

after he got arrested for having sex with underage girls.

- So then I stopped working with him, okay.

- My favorite one was when they were questioning

Bill Gates about it, and he goes, well, he's dead now,

so you gotta be careful.

Do you ever see that?

- No.

- Oh, it's crazy.

- That's it, that's a statement.

- She asked him why he had these interactions

with Jeffrey Epstein, and he was essentially saying,

it was a mistake.

I was hoping that he was gonna do a lot of work

with philanthropy, he was gonna help me out

with philanthropy.

- I can't grab.

- Right, that's why I meet him so many times.

But the end result, the final statement that was chilling,

he's like, he's dead now.

So you have to be careful.

Like, what?

- What does that mean?

What do you mean?

Be careful to not hang yourself in jail,

which is what the official story is, right?

Is that what you mean?

Be careful, or you'll hang yourself in jail?

Is that what you're saying?

No, it's not what you're saying.

- It's not what you're saying.

- Be careful, 'cause someone killed them, right?

Which is what we all think.

Which is why there's no fucking, the cameras were down,

which is why the guards were asleep,

which is why it's fucking his gigantic roommate,

who was a murderer and a drug-dealing cop,

who assassinated people, who's built like a fucking gorilla.

You see, you ever see his roommate?

- No.

- You never saw Jeffery Epstein's roommate?

- Oh boy.

- He had a cellmate when he was there.

- Bro, not only did he have a cellmate,

he had a cellmate that murdered several people

in drug deals, who was a cop,

and he was a gigantic, roided up psychopath.

This is the roommate.

- I remember--

- You can get that guy to kill him for extra cigarettes,

is what my point is.

I remember him in jail for life.

- I remember looking at that guy.

- That guy, that was his fucking roommate.

Just imagine what kind of a plan you would have

for the biggest defendant in any sort of high level,

espionage, possibly involving foreign governments,

and you'd put him in a prison cell, a cage,

with a guy who's committed four different murders.

- That guy was a cop?

- Yes.

- Look at the build on this motherfucker.

Look at the size of this guy.

- Yeah.

- This is the guy?

- He put a murderer?

- That's nice.

- Yeah, he's just a sweet guy.

You put a murderer?

Well, he had to have a bunch of things barking

in case anyone came near his property to get back at him.

- Do you remember that famous forensic--

- Like a badden. - Like a badden.

- He testified that the hyoid,

I think it's called the hyoid bone,

that was snapped on Epstein

was far more consistent with, as he says, a homicide.

- Yeah.

- Then it bothers me so much that he says it like that.

- Homicide?

- Yeah.

He says--

- I think he said it was broken in two places.

- He's like, that's much more consistent

with homicide than suicide.

- Yeah, it was someone strangled him.

Someone strangled him from behind.

It was also the position, here it is, put this.

- But that's the end I think, but I read doing that.

He had relationships with people he said

would give to Global Health, which is an interest I have.

Not nearly enough philanthropy goes in that direction.

Those meetings were a mistake.

They didn't result in what he purported

and I cut them off.

That goes back a long time ago now.

So there's nothing new on that.

- It was reported that you continue to meet

with him over several years,

and in other words, a number of meetings.

What did you do when you found out about his background?

- Well, I've said I regretted having those dinners,

and there's absolutely nothing new on that.

Is there a lesson for you, for anyone else looking at this?

- Well, he's dead.

So, in general, you always have to be careful.

And I'm very proud of what we've done in philanthropy,

very proud of the work of the foundation.

That's what I get up every day and focus on.

Me too, I'm a good guy.

(laughing)

- Jesus Christ.

- Imagine if he was reading for a film.

You'd be like, "I don't believe a word."

He just said, "Yeah, yeah."

- "I don't believe a word," you said.

- Take two.

Let's do this again.

- Okay, who wrote this?

He's gonna just transition from hanging out with this guy.

He's dead now to a really proud of the work

we've done with philanthropy.

Let's shift this conversation to a much more positive place.

- That's a PR spin, a super proud of the work

we've done with philanthropy.

- He got into all that stuff in the first place

after the Microsoft stuff.

'Cause Microsoft at one point in time

had all this anti-competitive accusations, right?

And so he was thought as being this guy

that was drowning out competition, was monopolizing.

So then he pivoted, became a philanthropist.

It's good move.

- It is a good move.

- You know who else did that?

The guy who invented the Nobel Prize.

- Really?

- Peter Berg told me this story.

It's a cool story.

So he dies.

The guy, I forget what his first name is.

It's the last name's Nobel.

He died and everybody called him the merchant of death

because he made dynamite.

- Oh.

- So he didn't really die though.

It was a fake story.

So he saw the stories.

He's like, "Hey, I'm not dead."

But oh my God, this is how people think about me.

This is how they're gonna write about me after I'm dead.

I gotta do something to clean my image up.

So to clean his image up, he invents the Nobel Prize.

And so it's giving out these prizes for peace

and for physics and Nobel Prize.

- Wood Richards?

- Yeah.

- And so then the Nobel Prize becomes synonymous

with excellence.

The name, Nobel is now connected to that

instead of connected to killing a bunch of motherfuckers

with dynamite.

- That's a great marketing move on his mind.

- That's, yeah.

- What was his real name?

- Alfred Nobel.

Made dynamite, right?

That was the thing?

- Yeah, but I'm looking at the Nobel Prize as a well.

It says there's a well-known story about the origin

of Nobel Prize, although historians have been unable

to verify it and some dismiss it as a myth.

- Well, let's find out if the story of him

being called the Merchant of Death or True

and the fake death when people thought he died.

Is that true?

- I mean, I have to just check that out real quick.

Look that out.

I bet it's true.

- That's a good marketing move.

- It's a move that people do, you know?

- Well, that was also what, you know,

some really evil people have done also, you know,

like, if you want to, like, serial killers, you know,

like John Wayne Gacy was like,

"I do clown parties for kids."

Like, it's like, look over here.

I'm a fun guy, you know?

Cosby was always like, you know,

telling people how to live their life and, like,

people are going to get-- - Don't tell dirty jokes.

- Yeah, don't curse.

- Don't swear, yeah.

He would call people up and tell them not to swear anymore.

- Yeah, call it-- - Get mad at them.

- Maddie Murphy.

- Oh, yeah, I'm famously-- - Famously.

- Yeah. - But you feel foreign, feel.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah, he did, he did do that.

He did do that.

I remember one time, Wanda Sykes interviewed him

at, like, some award thing.

He was in the crowd and she came up to an interview him

and he was, like, so rude to her.

- He had so much disdain.

I remember that, too. - Yeah.

- Remember that? - It was weird.

Okay, Nobel grew extremely wealthy from inventions,

like dynamite and blasting gelatin,

which are widely used to warfare

and earn him the nickname "The Merchant of Death in the Press."

1888 French newspaper mistakenly published his obituary

after his brother's death, condemning him as a man

who became rich by finding ways to kill more people faster.

This stock, this shock, is widely seen as prompting him

to rethink how he'd be remembered.

So it is true. - Yeah.

- This should be no dispute of this.

In his will of 1895, he left most of his fortune

to fund prizes for those who shall be conferred

the greatest benefit on mankind.

- Yeah. - Of course, you're dead.

You don't need your money.

Nobel never publicly explained his motives,

fuckin' duh.

So historians emphasize that any account of his reason

is an informed reconstruction,

not a direct statement from him.

Okay, I get that because they're historians.

- Did you see how, I think it was,

these days you don't know what's cast to be conferred not,

but it looked like on the Kennedy Center,

they're sorry, putting the name Trump on it.

- Yeah, he added his name to it.

- Yeah, it's crazy.

- And he took out the Kennedy Rose Garden,

and you're like, "What?"

Oh, take it away.

Now it's like a cement fuckin' tub.

- There's nothing nuttier than the plaques

underneath the president's name.

- That's insane, that's insane.

- Shane and I were just reading them the other day.

- It's insane. - How is this real?

- It doesn't feel real.

And you're just like, "How are you allowed to do that?"

- That's the thing.

- I think, how is your route to write that

on the spot? - In the White House?

- You can just probably, as president do,

what you want in the White House.

- It turns out you obviously can,

but nobody ever did it before.

- Those are gonna get taken down.

- No, they'll be up forever.

- I don't think so.

- They're gonna leave it like that forever.

- No fuckin' way.

- Yeah, like a museum piece.

- It's so crazy.

- They should have like the Trump wing.

This is what happened when he was president.

- Look at this fuckin' lunatic.

- The auto pen photo of Joe Biden

and the actual-- - Yeah.

- What's written there is crazy.

- This is, it should be--

- It should be considered the worst president of all,

like what are you talking about here?

- It should be like a museum.

It should be the facts of his presidency,

what happened during his term, you know,

the Iraq war started and dut dut dut.

- Yeah. - It should be that.

- Of course. - That's it.

- If that, you know.

- And under Reagan, it's like Reagan liked Trump

and Trump liked him too.

- Trump was a fan of Reagan.

- What?

- Why does that really-- - Reagan was a fan of Trump.

What?

- It's, yeah.

- Guys, it's crazy. - It's nuts.

- But you can't just let someone

just fuckin' fully swim in it like that.

- I know.

- See, he needs like a right hand man.

He goes, sir.

- I think they just, let me just,

I understand the motive.

- Well, he's also losing it too.

You can tell.

- Well, I think everybody does

when you get to a certain age, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah, of course.

I mean, the guy's about to be 80, right?

- Right.

- And also, the stress of going through

what that guy went through,

where they were trying to jail him,

when they were going after him with the russia thing,

the russia hoax and all that shit,

like they were trying everything they could to destroy him.

Just that alone's got to break him, right?

- They'd radicalize as you.

- It makes, yeah.

- And then they took a shot at him.

- Yeah. - Somebody shot him.

And then that guy dies.

And then when the guy dies,

they find out that his apartment's been professionally

scrubbed.

They find out he was in a black rock commercial,

like two years before that.

- He was?

- Oh yeah.

- The shooter?

- The shooter.

- Oh yeah.

- Was it an actor?

- In the film, yeah.

But obviously he was like connected to some people

that knew some people.

What does that mean?

It might mean nothing.

But there's also a lot of weirdness to his past.

- It does not have a social media profile.

It was like, he seems like an MK ultra-plant.

This presidency does feel like a parody of a real thing.

Like it doesn't even feel real.

- There's a lot of stuff that doesn't feel real.

- For sure, the Rob Bryan, I think, didn't feel real.

- Oh my God.

- That seemed so insane.

- You know, I didn't realize.

'Cause I obviously knew him.

A new Rob Bryan, as the actor from all in the family,

which he was great in that role.

And then I have memories of like,

I always think of like, when Harry met Sally,

the princess bride.

- Yep.

- And I was like, oh yeah, you know, he's spying on me.

- Stand by me.

So I'm like, oh, great storyteller comedy.

I didn't realize until he died that he did misery.

I had no idea that was him.

- Yeah, he did misery too.

- Yeah.

- He did so many great films.

- He really did.

He really understood like human emotion

and storytelling across the board.

Because like it's one thing to be proficient in comedy.

And you see this sometimes with comedy really high level,

like Adam McKay did so much high level comedy

with Saturday Night Live.

And then, you know, Taladega Knights

and like those big will Ferrell movies.

And then his pivot into drama is like exceptional.

You know, like he's really, really good at it.

And it's like really remarkable

when they can make that jump.

- Yeah.

- But he's really, really good.

- Yeah, well Jordan Peel, he's fantastic at it.

- Another one.

- Yeah.

- He's made some giant horror movies that are this like.

- And he was so funny in comedy.

He's so good.

- It's weird how good they are.

It's weird how like different they are too.

- Yeah.

- How they go like I'm comedy, I'm comedy, I'm comedy.

And then like this hard pivot into a totally different lane.

And be not just, let me try it, but be like excellent at it.

- Yeah.

But I kind of get it, right?

It's like if you can get really good at comedy,

like which is a complicated thing to do.

You for sure have other creative thoughts.

- Yeah.

- You're not.

- Access to other things.

- Yeah.

- And you're not really probably using those.

- Yeah.

They get, I think a lot of those guys get bored.

- Especially running a sketch show, right?

- Yeah.

- You have to wow, you just beat all the topics to death.

- Mm-hmm.

- You know, I mean, how many topics on,

especially like a mid sketch show are so derivative?

- Yeah, of course.

- Yeah, there's a lot of that.

- And they just go, I did it.

I thought there's nothing else to jump into.

- Well, you might have like nine episodes.

You have to bang out.

Well, I don't have to tell you.

You're actually in the middle of it.

- I'm in the middle of it.

Yeah, we just finished writing season two.

- But you have a, your show is a giant advantage.

You could just, you could go so far.

- Yeah.

- And be so ridiculous.

- They kind of just let us do what we want,

which is really crazy.

I got the same notes I got the first season.

Don't say the N word.

That was basically it.

(laughing)

That's like, that's my best, everything else.

They're like, yeah, you can do that.

- It's such a crazy show, dude.

- It's crazy.

It's really fun, though.

- It's so much fun.

I had so much fun doing it.

I can't believe I get to do it again.

And it's just, it is such a blast.

We get to make these like sketches and like little short films

that are like whatever we can think of,

whatever the craziest thing we can think of.

And they're just like, yeah, do that.

(laughing)

And they gave me like a mandate.

They're like, we'd rather tell you that's too far

than you should have gone further.

- Right.

- So they're just like, you can make it as crazy as you want.

- That's nuts.

- Yeah.

- But that's the beautiful thing about Netflix

is the variety of what's on there.

- It's so bananas.

It's so wide-ranging.

There's so much shit on there.

I just watched The Beast and me.

- Oh yeah, I'm on episode three right now.

Don't tell me anything.

It gets so much better.

- Oh yeah, yeah, I'm sure it does.

- It's fucking.

- How good is Claire Dane?

- Claire Dane's amazing Matthew Reese plays--

- He's a psycho?

- Yeah.

- That guy's great.

- He's phenomenal.

And he plays that part so exceptionally well.

- Yeah.

- I mean, it's just so good.

- Yeah.

- You know people like him.

- You know people like him and you know you're like,

"This is a fucking psycho dude."

- Oh yeah.

- Yeah.

- He's great at it.

It's always in the eyes, you know?

You see it in the eyes.

It's like--

- Yeah, he's really, he's got a darkness in him.

- He really does.

- He's faking it.

- You know what else I just saw?

I saw it on peacock.

And I was like, I was like, I don't like,

I don't have peacock.

I'm like, I don't fuck.

What are the, this is like, you know,

fucking Kevin Hart in a bathtub interview.

It's like, I don't know what's on peacock.

I love Kevin by the way.

But like it's like, you know what I mean?

Like these like fun silly,

that's what I thought peacock was.

- NBC.

- Yeah, reruns of like their old-- - Yeah, friends.

- Yeah, I'm like, I don't want to fuck it.

And I got recommended to watch the day of the jackal.

- What's that?

- Fucking fantastic.

- Really?

- Yeah.

It's a thriller that is super high production

and very cinematic.

But the writing and the acting unbelievable.

- Who's in it?

Eddie Redmayne, I think it's his name.

Eddie Redmayne is the lead in it.

And I don't know that many of the names

are the other actors,

but it's incredibly produced.

- Is it a series?

- Yeah.

- How many episodes?

- See, so they're making season two now.

I think season one was 10 episodes.

- Wow.

- 120 million dollar budget for the season?

- Wow.

- I'm writing this down.

Day of the jackal.

- Day of the jackal was excellent.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- This is it.

- Let's give him to the trailer and watch it.

- Yeah, let's just watch this fucking trailer.

- It's fucking, that's Eddie.

It's really good, dude.

I couldn't believe how captivated I was by it.

Really, really well done.

It's like a, you know, espionage type of thriller.

- Those are my favorite.

- Mine too.

But this is what I watch instead of,

you know, we were talking about comedy.

I watch this shit.

- Oh yeah, me too.

- Yeah, he's really good in it.

But so is everybody else.

They're really, really good.

- Okay.

- I can't recommend it enough.

- Okay, I'm on it.

- Really good.

- Yeah, there's enough shit to watch these days.

- I'll tell you that.

- Do you watch Dave or sick?

- What?

- Do you watch Dave's special?

- Dave's a spell?

- No, I didn't see it yet.

- It's great.

- Yeah.

- I saw some clips.

- That's right.

I mean, it's vintage, it's Dave, you know.

Like it hits, he does what he does so well.

There's silliness, you know.

- Seriousness.

- Yeah.

- Some philosophy, lots of social commentary,

provocative things, hilarious.

It's good.

It's really good.

I'm sure it's going to be awesome.

He's always awesome.

He never misses.

- He doesn't.

I mean, I pissed a lot of people off,

which is always fun.

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry, I went after Bill Marr.

- Yeah, he said, "Fuck, I do."

- I never said this publicly, but, "Fuck that dude."

- Yeah.

- That's very funny.

It's a good special, man.

It's really good.

- It's funny.

- Dave's in top four.

I love that for me, by the way,

'cause so my special comes out Christmas Eve, right?

And then six days later, Ricky Gervais comes out.

- Oh.

- And it was supposed to be,

that was the release timeline, right?

They're like, there's one earlier in the month,

and you'll be Christmas Eve,

a week later, Ricky Gervais.

I was like, "Cool."

And then like three days prior,

I get a call before it's announced.

And they're like, "Hey, we gotta tell you,

"we're dropping a special unannounced

"shapel special tonight."

And I go, "Great."

And they're like, they're like, "I know it's gonna take

"up a lot of oxygen in the room obviously,

"because it's Dave, right?"

I go, "Yeah, I understand."

I go, "You realize this is like being a musical artist,

"and I've been working on my album."

And you guys are like, "We're so excited."

And then you call me and you're like,

"Just so you know, tomorrow we're releasing

"radioheads new album."

And you're like, "Thanks."

(laughing)

Gosh, I mean, there's like,

there's nothing you can do.

It's like the biggest guy's coming out with it, you know?

But it's hilarious, he's great.

But people will watch it, it's only an hour,

and then they're gonna wanna watch more.

That's the, well, it's good.

It's one of the thoughts is they go like,

it just makes standup more popular.

100%.

I think so.

Yeah, standup is very popular right now.

It's incredibly popular.

Yeah, I mean, there's more arena acts.

I just saw Nate Bergasi added a 3 p.m. show out here.

Nate is on, but Nate's thing makes sense

when you think about it.

When you start doing standup,

there's this thing that happens.

When you're early on, young doing standup.

And you start to like do spots.

A lot of people will be like,

hey, if you can, curse less, be clean.

And you're like, that's not who I am.

And they're like, all right, well,

and they always say this thing,

like you'll get more opportunities.

Different opportunities will come to you if you're like that.

Right.

And you're like, whatever, I don't do that.

And when you're really funny, like Nate is,

and you get really good,

what you see on the business side of it

is that when he announces a show,

like when I announce a show a couple might go,

like let's go see him, right?

Like I'll buy, they'll buy two tickets.

But when Nate announces a show,

that couple will bring their children,

their parents, their in-laws, their neighbors.

So, to tick is you can sell, he can sell 12.

And everybody's gonna enjoy it.

And they're all gonna enjoy it.

Yeah, because even though it's just clean,

it's always clean, it's hilarious.

It's hilarious, he's really funny.

But he's really funny, he's-- - Gaffigan has that thing too.

- Definitely, yeah.

- The whole family can go.

- Sebastian has that thing too.

Like you can bring anybody to see Sebastian.

- And they'll all have a good time, yeah.

But yeah, he can do three fucking marina shows in a city.

It's crazy.

- Yeah, it is nuts.

But there's more people doing that now.

Like I mentioned Sebastian, you, Bert, Tony.

I mean, there's Shane.

Shane's doing a football arena.

- That's crazy.

- A stadium.

- He's doing like 90,000 people.

- Yeah, Lincoln Financial, I think it is.

- Yeah.

- There's people doing that now where there's so many of them

where when we were coming up,

the only people that had done it were Dane and Dice Clerk.

- Dice, yeah.

- It was Dice Clay and Dane Clerk.

- And for that, you have to just,

you go like that is the internet man.

The internet made stand up global.

- Well, the internet made Dane, right?

- Right, right.

- That's how it was, like he got huge from my space.

He was the first guy.

- The fact is so many of us can move those kinds of tickets.

- Oh, yeah.

- It's 'cause it's global, I mean.

- 100%.

- It was just like, hey catch my special

at Comedy Central at nine o'clock on Friday.

- Right.

- It's not gonna have the same reach.

- Right, right.

- And it's just clips too.

Clips get shared and then there's so much word of mouth.

It's like that's the one good thing about social media

is if something comes out and people like it,

whether it's a new specialty dropped or a new song

or anything.

- It just gets shared.

- It's so easy, yeah.

And things just, they just take off.

- I know, it's what I never, I'm I did 40 arenas this year.

- Poo.

- Like I never, I was never thinking that would be a thing, you know?

- I remember when I met you.

- Yeah.

- I met you in 2007.

We did that real men of comedy tour together.

- Yeah, I met you in Phoenix.

We did that little Hollywood theater,

which I love that.

- The celebrity theater.

- Celebrity theater, that's right.

- That place is awesome.

- That's one of my favorites.

- In the round, it spins.

- It's awesome. - That plays rules.

And I always love Phoenix period, they're fun.

That's a fun place.

- Yeah, that's a really good place.

Yeah, I went back there on this tour too.

I went to the, I did the, the big arena there this time.

It was fucking amazing.

It was one of my favorite shows of this tour.

- Yeah, it's Phoenix rules.

Yeah, I've done the arena in Phoenix too.

It's fucking fun, man.

They're fun.

- That's a fun city.

- Yeah, because they don't have much culture.

They do a lot of blow.

- They do.

- And they like to party.

- They party hard.

- Phoenix, Arizona just party, sorry.

- Yes, they party hard.

- Well, it's like, think about the people

that had to settle that place first.

You get cowboys in Mexicans, just fucking wild people.

- It is, dude.

- And then you got Scottsdale, which is all rich people.

- I remember we went to dinner,

like I think the night before, just like a steakhouse.

And we were just like, we were like observing that

when you go to dinner at a steakhouse in Phoenix,

it feels like an after party, but it's just dinner.

- You know what I mean, like the vibe in there

is that people are having a fucking good time.

- They're partying.

- Yeah.

- That's what Phoenix feels like.

- Yeah, I always liked it because it was not Hollywood,

you know, in every way.

It was just not Hollywood.

- Yeah.

- Those people had no preconceived ideas

of their own celebrity.

They didn't want to become famous.

Like the problem with LA is the entire culture

is wrapped around the possibility

that you might become famous.

- Yeah.

- Everybody really secretly wants to become famous

and some people might make it and some people won't.

But the reason they came there in the first place

is to be famous. - It is to be famous.

- 'Cause they wanted to be famous.

- Yeah.

- Phoenix, they just want Coke.

(laughing)

- Well, I get some Coke.

Well, you know what I fucking party

on my playing golf in the day, and I'm doing Coke at night.

- I'm having a good fucking time.

- They're wild people.

- That theater thing too, there's, I don't know

if I'm right about this, but I've been told

that there's only two, maybe three theaters

left in the round in the country.

That's the only one that I know of.

- Well, there's the one in Long Island

that I also did that was, it's so fucking fun.

- Which one's that?

- Westbury Music Hall, I think it's called.

- Oh, okay.

- Is that what it's called?

- I've heard of that place.

I didn't know that was in the round too.

- That's in the round.

It is so fucking fun.

- The round rules.

- I just did it.

I did it a couple of months ago.

It was one of the most fun shows of the entire tour.

- I try to explain to people that have never done it.

It's like, "Oh, Marina, I'm like, I'm telling you,

it's oddly intimate."

Because everybody's facing everybody else.

We're all in this together.

It's not just a massive people staring at a stage.

We're all wrapped up together.

- Yes.

- It's cooler.

- Yeah, it's a better vibe.

It feels better.

- You would love this theater.

- I'm sure.

- Yeah, it's a fucking rad.

- I love that Phoenix one.

That one rules.

But do any show that you could do in the round?

It's like, the first time I did it,

I don't know what to understand.

Where do I move?

- Yeah, I think the first one I did was when we met.

- Yeah.

- 'Cause I was also--

- It might've been my first one too.

- I was kind of like intimidated, I was like,

what the fuck did, and then somebody told me once.

It might've been Louie told me that I think it was him

that told me when I was going into arenas,

he's like your instinct will be to stay in the middle,

but you should go further out to the edges.

Because when you're further out to the outside

of the stage that's in the round,

you're actually open to more people, does that make sense?

- Yes.

- 'Cause if you're on this edge of the round stage,

more people can see you over here.

- Right, and you're closer to them.

- And you're closer to them too.

- Yeah, it's more intimate.

If you're in the middle, it's like you're all standoffish.

If you have so much, you can come closer to me.

- Yeah.

- Why are you all the way over there?

- Yeah, that's right.

- Yeah.

- Walking around too is fun.

- That to me is what I think makes my performance better,

is that I'm a naturally kind of stand still guy,

but the round makes me move.

Even though it's subtle movement,

that keeps you more engaged,

because there's a constant movement to it.

Even if it's slow, it's fun.

- It is a fun thing. - Yeah, it's fun.

- And it is weird that so many of us get to do that now.

- It's so bizarre.

- It wasn't the case at all.

- It's so bizarre.

- I did some nutty ones with Dave.

We did the Tacoma Dome.

That was 25,000 people.

- Fucking cool.

- That was so nuts.

- It was so nuts.

It was so many people.

- That's so many.

But so many.

- It's very strange.

- I did a couple with you guys.

I did New Orleans with you guys.

- Oh, that's right.

- That was fun.

- And I think we did Nashville or something.

There were Memphis together, too.

- Yeah, I think it was Nashville.

- The most fun one, though, ever.

This will, I think this will always be in my memory

is when we did the Vegas is back in the round.

- Oh yeah, that was fun.

- At the MGM arena.

- Yeah, that was fun.

- And we were, I was unannounced.

- Yeah.

- A couple other people were too.

I forget who was on that.

But I remember the absolute pandemonium of that place.

Where I was like shaking 'cause it was like,

things had been shut down.

And they're like, this show is back.

The shows are back.

And this is the show to open Vegas again.

- I don't think we'll ever feel that again.

- Not like that, hopefully not.

'Cause that means that the world went crazy again.

- It's exactly right.

And it was like, you can't duplicate that.

You can't duplicate it.

It's almost like when you have an improv

on like off the cuff line of something that just happened

and like, you can't manufacture that.

You said the thing because this happened.

And like, the world had shut down.

- Yeah.

- And they're like, here's a standup show in the round,

in the arena, Joe, Dave, and the crowd was just like,

I mean, it was like a fever pitch.

- It was so fun.

There were so many people hanging out backstage.

Remember that?

- Oh my God.

There were so many people.

I was like, I've never seen this many celebrity shows.

- It was a room.

They were like, this is the red room.

And this was backstage.

And there was like 200 people in there.

- Oh, so packed.

- And I brought you in there.

'Cause you didn't know about it either.

I was like, have you been in here?

And you're like, what the fuck is all this?

- It's just like a whole extra room.

- A whole extra room of like, just people hanging out.

- Yeah.

- A whole extra room of comics that I hadn't seen in years.

'Cause everybody was kind of celebrating the fact

that we could do shows again.

- It was the best.

- They all came out.

- That was a such a special show.

- Yeah.

I mean, there was boxers there and wrappers.

It was like, people were out.

It's like, there's something to do again.

It was like, there was a feeling in the air.

It was soaked.

And people, some people were still scared.

There's still people wearing masks.

- Yeah.

- It was July, I remember that.

It was July.

- Some people just didn't want to let it go.

They were still connected to this idea

that we could all die at any moment.

- Yeah.

That's true.

- I still see those people.

- Yeah, there's still in some places.

- Yeah, some people that got broken.

They got broken.

The stress of that whole thing.

- It also kind of depends on who you're around too, right?

'Cause I mean, I think you could put me with certain people

and then I would have been even more apprehensive.

- Well, that was the thing that I felt

about coming here really quickly.

That people here were not nearly as scared

as people in California.

The whole attitude to the government here was very different.

They were like, things should stay open.

I remember I went and met with the governor.

I had dinner with him.

And he was like, we gotta let people live their lives.

They need freedom.

- Yeah.

- Like you should be able to make your own decisions

doing this.

I was like, yeah, I agree.

And this is like before the vaccine.

- Really?

- Yeah.

And people had already started doing shows out here.

We started doing shows out here early.

We tested everybody.

Remember we did those stub shows?

- Oh, that's right.

- Yeah.

Dave and I did these shows at Stubbs.

We did a whole series of shows.

- Which is an outdoor venue.

- Yeah.

- And we tested the whole crowd.

So we tested these people for like an hour before the show.

Everybody queued up.

Everybody got tested.

And we only wound up removing like two different people

that were positive.

- That's it?

- Yeah.

Most people knew that they weren't sick, you know?

And we weren't doing PCR, right?

Which is the one that really gets a lot of false positives.

Did it find out recently?

There was an estimate that PCR testing the false positives

might have been as high as 86%.

- 86?

- Yeah.

- The guy who invented the PCR testing, Carrie Mullis,

said that she would never be used to detect diseases.

So it's not what it's for.

And he said, if you ramp the cycles up high enough,

you could find almost anything in people.

I did something once this shameful.

I had to test for like a trip somewhere.

And then I had to like, do it on a zoom with somebody.

And it came up positive if I threw it out the window.

And then they were like, where is it?

I go, my kid just threw it out the window.

(laughing)

And they're like, what was it?

I was like, I don't remember.

I'll do it again.

And then I just waited a week.

(laughing)

I remember the second time I tested positive.

So I tested positive once.

That was a whole horse dewormer, CNN thing.

And then the second time I tested positive,

I didn't even know I had it.

I couldn't believe it was real.

I came in here, sniffily.

I came in here straight from the gym.

And I said, I got the sniffles.

I said to Mercy, the nurse.

I said, I go, must be COVID.

Just choking around.

And she was actually your positive.

I'm like, no fucking way.

Like, no way.

- 'Cause you felt, yeah, fine.

So I got IV vitamin drip, NAD, the whole deal.

24 hours later, it was negative.

- That NAD shit's amazing.

- Amazing.

- And I also, I'll say this.

And this is, I'm telling you, I have knock on wood.

I have not gotten sick in a while.

- Oh yeah, you're healthy now.

- I'm healthy.

- That's how it works.

(laughing)

But, during the movie I did over the summer

and during production on series,

the first season one of my show,

there were days, like, I remember that first day

we were shooting bad thoughts season one.

I was getting a cold.

And I did NAD, like 500 milligrams or whatever,

like the high dose, three days in a row,

and I had never experienced anything like that.

'Cause I was a type of person where like,

I get a cold and I am fucked for like weeks.

And then the next time that I felt this like,

I'm like, you know, you're like, oh, I'm getting sick.

It would, I was like, I'm doing the NAD thing again.

Three days in a row, just jamming that shit into me,

like high dosage, completely went away.

- That's crazy.

- It didn't dip into like, now you're really sick.

It just was like, I'm getting sick.

I'm not sick anymore.

- Yeah.

That was part of my COVID routine.

When I, the first time I had COVID,

I did NAD along with IV vitamins.

I don't even think I mentioned NAD

when I did that little video that went viral.

But that was, I recommend that to anybody,

whenever they get sick.

- It's unbelievable.

- High dose of vitamin C is amazing too.

Amazing.

- I can't believe it.

- Yeah, high dose vitamins intravenously

when you're not feeling well is phenomenal.

'Cause it gives your body all the weapons

that it needs to fight off whatever the fuck it's dealing with.

- I feel like doing it tomorrow.

- You should do it tomorrow.

- Yeah.

- It should do it all the time.

You know what else you should start doing?

Like I told you, red light bed.

- I know, you've been on that for a minute.

- Yeah, it's amazing.

It's incredible.

- You said it helps your vision.

- It helped my vision, 100%.

- I don't even understand that.

- Well, red light.

- I understand that.

- Red light helps, it gets--

- Is it collagen or something?

- Put that into our sponsor perplexity.

What is the benefits that red light has on your vision?

Why is it work?

But it works, 100%.

I could tell you for a fact, there's two things that I've done.

One thing I've taken a lot of supplements for eyesight.

I always talk about this company purin' capsillations.

I have no affiliation with them.

I just buy their stuff.

There's, they have a thing called macular support.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I take that stuff.

So I take that stuff and I've been very consistent with that.

It has a bunch of nutrients.

I showed it to Huberman and he went over the list

and he was like, oh, this is all great stuff.

I take that and I do red light multiple days a week.

And it took a while.

In the beginning, I thought it was actually

making my eyesight worse.

'Cause I was like--

- 'Cause your eyes are covered during it.

- No, I keep them open.

- Keep your eyes open.

- Yeah, red light therapy using deep red wavelengths

around 60, 670 NM.

I don't know what they're in nanometers.

Show's promise in improving declining vision

by boosting mitochondrial function in the retinal cells.

Studies indicate benefits,

particularly for age-related vision loss.

That's me, macular degeneration and other eye conditions.

Morning exposure appears most effective

with effects lasting up to a week.

So I do it, I try to do it three times a week.

- How long do you do it for?

- I do it 20 minutes.

It says short sessions like three minutes weekly

can enhance color contrast,

vision by 17 to 20% adults over 34% with greater gains

and older participants.

That's me.

- I'm getting it.

- It makes a big difference.

Therapy supports retinal health

by reducing inflammation, improving visual acuity

and slowing proto-receptor decline.

Emerging evidence also suggests help for dry eyes,

myopia, progression in children,

and diabetic retinopathy.

It works.

I'm telling you it works 100% with me.

I used to struggle reading the screen sometimes.

I would be kind of blurry, I'd have to like,

Jamie make it bigger.

Now I can see things way better than I used to be.

When I said Jamie make it bigger, I used to.

- I wear glasses all the time now.

- I don't need them when I look at text messages anymore.

I don't need them when I read email anymore.

And I don't need them on my computer anymore,

which is a big one.

- That's a big one.

- Because I always used it when I wrote.

And I realized the other day, like,

oh my god, I'm writing and I don't have my glasses on.

- JoEDs will be so happy if I--

(screams)

- What are you doing with those fucking glasses?

- You're wearing your glasses with you.

- I call them up today.

I go, I'm doing a podcast with security.

He met Pepe La Plue over there in France,

and now he's making croissants.

Who's this fucking guy with his glasses?

- Glasses.

It's always on me for that.

- Calling.

I mean, that's JoEDs.

- It's JoEDs.

It's not Pepe La Plue.

(laughs)

His name is Jim Basta, and it's Italian.

It's an Italian bakery.

- Yes.

- Well, it's a problem.

- It is.

- That chocolate croissant you gave me is a real problem.

- Tell you.

- Buttery and flaky and perfect.

- It's perfect, dude.

It's why I fell in love.

There's a little more chocolate in there.

- I can tell him.

I can tell him.

- A little more chocolate.

- Just a little.

Don't be stingy with the chocolate.

- I fell in love with that chocolate croissant

when I lived in LA.

And that guy was in my neighborhood.

- Oh.

- That's how this all started.

- That's a problem.

- And I would walk down there,

and sometimes I would buy two dozen.

(laughs)

And then I would walk back to my house,

and I would give away croissants to people

walking down the street.

I'd be like, you gotta try these.

- Just regular people?

- Regular people.

I didn't even know them.

I just got these croissants.

- What if they thought you were psychos?

- I mean, I guess they didn't.

But they would take them.

And I would, I mean, I didn't get them all the way.

I would eat a lot of them too.

But I stayed in touch with this guy.

And I would, every once in a while would go there.

And I would, I would get some of their pastries.

And I would do like an Instagram video.

Like, hey, I'm at this place.

And I would just say it.

And then I became friends with them.

And they go, hey, you know, when you do that,

there were like a hundred people came today.

I was like, oh, that's cool.

It was just like a friend.

There was no business where I was doing it

'cause I liked it.

We always stayed in touch and I moved here.

And I go, when I'm in LA,

I'm gonna try to stop by and see you guys.

That kind of thing.

And we stayed in touch and I would always be like,

I would be awesome if you opened one in Austin.

That conversation continued.

And then eventually we talked like,

hey, what if we really did this?

And that conversation started like over a year ago.

And then our fixed location will open in March.

But we have a pop up right now.

- I just don't know how you have the time for all this.

- Well, I'm not, here's the thing.

I'm not the one, like, I don't bake, you know.

I'm a business partner in this.

And I market it in that I promote it.

But the easiest thing is to market something

that's fantastic.

And I actually thought about the fact that I was like,

for me, this is like,

like people trust your opinion on one of the reasons

I think that on it was successful with you,

is that they're like, this guy knows workouts.

He knows vitamins.

He knows like they, do you have credibility in that?

Having credibility in something is really important.

For me, if there's one thing I completely trust myself on,

is if I'm like, this tastes good, I don't doubt it.

I'm like, this is good.

I know when it's good.

I've eaten at the best restaurants all over the world.

And this is my favorite, one of my favorite things

has always been croissants and things like this.

So when I had his and I knew they were amazing,

it was like, there's no like, I'm selling it.

I'm not like being like, ah, you should,

you know, I'm making up, this shit's amazing.

So all I do is go like, it's open.

It's fucking amazing.

And we're selling, we've sold out every day.

- That's incredible.

- We've never not sold out.

- Well, once you eat one of them, I get it.

- Yeah, it's fucking, and he's always coming up with like,

at first I was like, we're opening a croissant place.

But he's doing like, you know, like the homemade

Focaccia bread Italian sandwiches.

He does homemade pizza.

It's all every day, and he's, whatever inspires him,

he makes that.

It's all, he's amazing.

So it's like the easiest thing to be like, yeah,

this is, this is my bakery.

- Fuck, yeah, I fucking love it.

- He's such a drunk.

I've thought about doing that with an Italian deli.

- Yeah.

- I've talked to Giovanni very briefly,

Giovanni's Italian deli, yeah.

That place, opening up one of those out here.

How incredible would that be?

- Incredible.

Those sandwiches, me and Joe De Rosa,

we send each other sandwiches.

- Yeah, Joe has his sandwich place.

- Yeah. - His sandwich place is great.

Joe De Rosa's is fucking great.

I sent him this place in Toronto.

God, what is it called?

Something Crudo, hold on a second, I'll find it.

What happened to the iPhone?

Made everything different.

Where'd you put it?

- There you go.

- Is that it?

- Search in the bottom.

- Crudo pizza.

Crudo, it's in Toronto.

The sandwiches.

Go to their Instagram, if you can go,

that where it says Crudo pizza up there,

that's their Instagram.

Go down to their Instagram and find some of their

fucking sandwiches, bro.

Look at these fucking sandwiches.

- Oh, yeah.

- Bro, look at these sandwiches, bro.

- With their homemade bread.

Look at these in sane.

And the bread's got a nice little char on it.

And the bread comes out piping hot

from the oven and they make the sandwich.

- Let's get this.

- And let's get piping hot bread.

Show me one of them videos where they're pulling

the sandwiches out and making them.

Because there's a few where you get to see how hot

the bread is.

Scroll down a little bit and then stop, stop, stop, stop.

Go up, go, no, no.

Back, there you go.

Oh, look at that, Tommy.

Look at, no, no, you missed it.

Watch this when he cuts it open.

- Oh, and this.

- Oh, look at that.

The more, the more, look at this.

- Jesus Christ.

- Oh my god, look how insane that is.

This is my drug.

Like this is, if I have a problem with food,

it's this.

It's Italian cold cut sandwiches and pasta.

- Yeah.

- Those are the problems.

You have a real problem with not eating that.

- Do you know what he started?

- He started all the oil on it.

Look how he seals it up, look at this.

Oh, look how it comes out of the oven, bro.

Are you kidding me?

- You know what my guy started making now?

Like he's just on a whim.

He's like, I made a lasagna today.

- Oh, no.

- So he's doing, and then he's doing like

different versions of it.

Did one with like brisket in it and like just crazy things.

And it just goes.

- Of course.

- Yeah, it's called, by the way,

it's called chitra bomba.

Which is what you call,

yeah, it's the name of the bakery.

It's called chitra bomba.

Which is what you call little fat ass kid in Italy.

His bomba is like explode,

so like when it gets a little fat ass.

- That's funny, it's called the fat ass.

- Yeah, it's called little fat ass.

- Little fat ass kid.

That's hilarious, great idea, dude.

- Yeah, he's awesome.

Him and Marlo.

- Ah, it's hard staying thin, isn't it?

Especially now you're in the 180s.

- It is.

- You could let it go.

You could let it go.

- Yeah, I could let it go.

- Oh yeah, look at you, look at you.

They got excited about letting it go.

- You need to see, yeah, let it go.

- I own a bakery.

- I just fucking not text your trainer back, fuck you.

- Fuck you, man.

- Or when I stop by there too, you know,

it's like I have access to all of this.

- Yeah, you could eat free.

- Oh, yeah.

- Just whatever you want.

- You could make you think.

- I give, I give most, I take a bite of things

and I'm like, that's delicious.

And then I stop myself.

I'll let myself have a full thing,

but not every day, dude.

Not even, not even every few days.

Like once a week maybe.

- When I actually come home from the store,

two things were a problem.

One of them was Jerry's famous deli.

I would go, remember Jerry's famous deli?

They're gone now.

And then I'm amazing.

- Jerry's deli's gone?

- Jerry's deli's gone.

There was one in Woodland Hills, that's gone.

That was the one I used to go to all the time.

I think they're all gone now.

I don't know if any of them still exist.

Hopefully one still exists.

Jerry's famous deli was fucking great.

They had the best chicken noodle soup, man.

It ruled and they had pastrami rubens.

Oh, pastrami rubens with steak fries.

They were so good.

And if I was hungry coming home from the store,

that would be the spot.

The other spot, there was a real problem.

It was Krispy Kreme motherfucking donuts.

- Fucking donuts.

- Yeah.

- I would drive by and I'd see that hot sign on.

- Oh!

- Cheeseburgers to our problem.

- And an ounce problem.

- That's a problem.

- There was that one in West Hollywood

that I used to love.

I forget the name of that place.

It was right near where I was working in post production.

The burgers were fucking unbelievable.

- Another problem was canters.

- Canters deli.

- I think that's where he's still open.

- That was a good 24 hours a day.

- That was post show fun.

- Always.

- Great post show fun.

- I told you this before,

'cause you know the power of delusion is strong,

is that when I would tour with you,

this is like, I would say like 2009-10,

Delta terminal used to be terminal five at LAX.

Sometimes we would get back and we would land

'cause we would land the morning, right?

We did the show the night before.

They had like a little deli bakery coffee place

that had really good chocolate croissants.

- Oh, I remember that place.

- Yeah, and sometimes we would walk by

and you'd get one and I was like, well, Joe got one.

I should get one.

He's in shape, I'm in shape, this isn't bad.

I just tell myself, you can eat this.

'Cause you would love those, I remember those.

- Chocolate croissants rule.

- That's why when you brought this one,

I was like, oh, that's a problem.

- It's a problem.

- But they weren't as good as that.

- No, fuck no.

- The ones at LAX were pretty good.

- Yeah, okay.

- This is like a, no shit, there's like a three day process.

That's how long it takes for them to make a bachelor's.

- Yeah, yeah, like proofing the bread

and it stays in this cabinet and they pull,

I mean, it's a whole process.

And he makes like exfoliatedlla,

which is like, it's--

- Okay, so that way.

- Oh, and Bambolone, you know?

Like just like incredible pastries man.

That like, when you see them, you're just like,

don't get fat.

- Bro, it's so easy to get fat.

I can't fat's a giant problem.

- Older you get, you're just like,

this could be real easy.

- Especially if you got obligations, you got things to do.

And you're tired, you're working.

- I need structure, dude.

That's what I've heard.

- I get it, I need structure.

I need peace and quiet.

So I like working out by myself.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I don't, I mean, I like working out with comics.

Sometimes we do those comic workouts here.

Those are really fun.

But for me, like my time working out,

when I'm like, suffering by myself, I need that.

- Yeah.

- I need by myself.

I don't want anybody talking to me,

but what they saw in the news and asking me quotes.

- So now.

- Yeah, what's JD Vance like?

- Yeah.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm here to fucking get after it.

- Yeah, I just, my problem. - Get a problem.

- One of my problems is, when I get,

and I know this from Pat, you just realize you have patterns.

Is that when I get to like a good place and--

- Relax.

- Yeah, and I do it when people are like,

you look good. - You look great.

- Yeah.

And then I go, oh, I'm done.

(laughing)

That's been my pattern.

So this time I've just been like, do not accept that thought.

- Yeah. - You know?

- Yeah, you can't.

There's no end.

- There's no end. - There's no end.

- Yeah.

- Doesn't exist.

- Every day is a new, unique little battle

with your inner bitch.

(laughing)

- It's really the truth.

- It is the truth.

- That's what it is, every day.

You wake up, you go to war with your inner bitch.

- That's why it's good to beat it early.

Beat that fucker down early.

- Yeah, I did it.

- I did it, freeze your fucking dick off.

- Yeah.

- It does fuckin' work out here.

(laughing)

Getting this on afterwards.

(laughing)

- And then you go like, I'm good today.

- Today, today.

- But the food is the bigger challenge for me.

Like, I won't say that like workouts aren't hard.

They're hard.

And like, I like it.

I like the challenge.

Staying on top of like how to eat

is the bigger challenge.

- Well, there's a problem too

with all these new medical advancements.

And one of them is there's a new peptide

that they're showing is essentially like

exercise in an injection.

- That's loop.

- I don't know what it is.

I read some article about it like quite a while ago.

And I sent it to Brigham or what is this?

And he's like, do there's so much stuff on the rise

and so much groundbreaking stuff.

But you're basically gonna be able to get

the benefits of exercise in a peptide.

So it'll trick your body to think you exercise.

- I mean, loop does that.

- Is that what it is?

- That's one of the ones that does.

It's in a pill form right now.

I haven't heard about it.

- It's called loop.

- Yeah.

- Do you take them out?

- I have taken it.

Yeah, I don't have any.

- What did you do for it?

- You got some on you?

- Listen, I'm like a crack addict.

If you tell me something will be good,

I'll be like, cool.

I'll inject like 40 things into myself.

Yeah.

- What does this loop do?

- Well, they did they tested it on mice

and found that by giving it to mice,

they decreased their body fat and increased muscle,

lean mass and doing nothing.

- Doing nothing.

- Wow.

- And so then they have started to,

that's it right there.

- Loop 332, yeah.

- In obese mouse models,

loop 332 reduced fat gain by up to 10 fold

and compared to controls,

promoted 12% body weight loss

and enhanced metabolic function

without altering appetite or activity levels.

Yeah, it's exercise.

- It's exercise, dude.

- Exercise in a peptide

and you took it in a pill?

- Yeah.

- And so what did it feel like when you took it?

- Nothing.

- I felt nothing.

- I'm getting that shit tomorrow.

I'm on it.

Let's go.

- Let's go.

- I'm gonna, you pecker, did it get excited?

- Hell yeah.

- Rock hard.

- 24 seconds.

- That's what these goddamn things do.

And you can just buy that stuff?

- Or is that a prescription thing?

- I don't think it's a prescription.

No, you can just buy it,

but I think you just have to like

- Go to a compound pharmacy or something?

- That kind of place, yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, they're trying to shut those places down.

- Are they?

- Yeah.

- They want to own all that stuff.

- There you go.

- There it is.

Bam, Amazon.

- All over Amazon.

- Good or not, I don't know?

- I don't know.

- One of the things that I've read about Amazon is that

there's a lot of fake supplements on Amazon.

- Are there?

- Yeah.

- Because how does that work?

How are they even getting up on Amazon?

- I think, well, that's a whole different thing,

but like they're just like copying the labels

and stuff and making it look like it.

- I've heard that's a problem with pure encapsulations.

So I started buying their stuff from their website

because I read that.

'Cause I read that like a high percentage was fraud.

- I don't know if you've ever researched this,

but apparently when I was in Abu Dhabi,

they were like, they have what's considered

something like the cleanest vitamins on people

go there just to get vitamins in the UAE.

- Really?

- Yeah, like really high level vitamins for some reason.

And I don't know what the thought is on that,

but like a lot of people that travel in that region

go to UAE to get their vitamins.

- That's interesting.

- I don't know if their standard is just higher?

- Well, they have so much money.

- They do.

- And they also, you know, Shake Talk Noon is

a Brazilian jujitsu black belt.

- He was a legit one.

- Bad motherfucker.

- Yeah, a Hanzo Gracie black belt.

And he's the one that created this Abu Dhabi combat club

that the championship.

- He's also like incredibly fit.

Like his cardio was, I was talking to someone.

- No, he's a legit black belt.

He's a Hanzo Gracie black belt.

It's like, you know, there's levels of black belt out there.

Where you heard about a guy got a black belt from this guy.

I never heard of that guy.

I don't know who that guy is, but I'm sure it was good.

- Yeah.

- And then you hear about someone got a black belt from Hanzo.

You're like, oh, like guy Richie is a Hanzo Gracie black belt.

- Really?

- Yeah, guy Richie is super legit, man.

- Yeah.

- I know guys have rolled with them.

They're like, dude, he's legit.

- Yeah.

- Which is a thing, it's like a Jake Paul thing.

Like you don't think, all right.

He's fucking a Jake Paul.

You can't fight.

- What's the, is the guy from Mary with Children?

- I don't know.

- Real legit Gracie black belt.

- Yeah.

- He got his black belt from Horean,

or I think Horean, or at least that school.

He got it from Gracie Torrance.

That was a surprise one to me, I was like, really?

- Oh, he's legit too.

- Yeah, I sat next to him once on a plane, randomly.

And we spent the entire flight just talking about you, Jiu-Jitsu.

- Really?

- He was so excited.

- Oh, that's cool.

- There he is.

- Yes.

2007, yeah, Horean Gracie.

I was right.

Two decades of training under Horean Gracie.

- You started out as another.

- 42.

- Wow.

- That's another very legit black belt.

You get a black belt from Horean,

like you have a real black belt.

But he was, he's a big guy, man.

He was a football player back in the day.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

- That's awesome, man.

- Yeah, he's legit.

So we were just, like I said, we were just randomly

on a plane, and we just started talking about you, Jiu-Jitsu.

We were both like little kids.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- That's cool.

- Then I ran into him another time, randomly, in Hawaii.

In the ocean.

I was in the ocean, I ran into him.

- That's cool.

- I was like, hey, what are you doing, man?

- He's great.

I think he's a very nice guy.

- Very nice guy too.

Easy guy to talk to, like regular person.

You know, there's certain actors.

I feel like we have to get through this little wall

of, are you cool?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Is this okay to talk to you?

- Yeah.

- Be mean to me, like, is this--

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like a thing.

And they think they get weird around comics too,

'cause they don't want to wind up in your act.

- I got so lucky doing that movie over the summer

in that I had like the best actors,

like as far as like just fun, awesome people.

- Oh, that's nice.

- And you know they were fun before you worked with them?

- No, and that's, and you know what was funny?

Is that they're regular act, like they go from like

set to set to set, and they kept telling me

they were like, you know, this is like really special

what's happening here.

And I'd be like, what do you mean?

They're like, this is awesome.

Everyone's having the best time every day.

Everyone's hanging out.

We're all going to dinner together.

We're hanging out on weekends.

Everyone likes each other.

It was like the best experience.

- Well, they act or sometimes are so competitive

with each other.

- Yeah, we didn't, none of that with people were just,

and when you do have a cool vibe like we had,

everyone's just trying to make every scene better.

- Right.

- You know, and like, you want the guy to be,

like I want him to be super funny in this,

'cause it's gonna be funny in the movie.

- Well, it's like stereotypes get created

because of the worst people in whatever category

you're talking about, and if you're talking about actors,

it's not all of them.

Some of them are really cool.

- Yeah, of course.

Like Chris Pratt, I've hung out with that guy a bunch of times.

He's really cool.

- Yeah.

- Easy to hang out with.

Giant movie star, like, but like so normal.

- Right.

- I went elk hunting with that guy.

- Really?

- Super cool guy to everybody.

Like, easy to talk to.

We're eating dinner together all hanging out with the guys.

Fucking so normal.

- It's rare.

- Just happens to be a famous actor.

- Yeah.

- It's so normal.

But there's guys like that that you meet him,

and you go, "Oh, okay."

Like Woody Harrelson, the fucking nicest guy I'm here.

- Woody seems awesome.

- So easy to hang, you can't get a hold of him.

He's got no phone.

He's got no email.

- You had, and I'm just a huge fan,

but I saw a clip of you had a Billy Bob Thornton.

- Oh, he's the best, dude.

- I can watch that guy do fucking anything.

- The best to talk to, too, like so easy to talk to.

- And the other one, I think you had him on too,

but I always see this guy in interviews,

and it's always like, I end up sharing it with everybody,

is Ethan Hawke.

- Ethan Hawke's great.

- I mean, his wisdom and like his philosophy on art

and on life, I'm like, this guy's like a messiah.

He's just like so fascinating to listen to.

- Well, he's a real artist, really in love.

I asked him this question because I always wanted to know,

is this the same thing as like being in the zone

and other things?

Like, what happens when you're doing a scene

or why is it so believable?

I know you're Ethan Hawke.

I know that stands out Washington.

I know that you guys are acting, but yet I'm in.

I'm in, like what is that?

- Yeah.

- He talked about that, it is like what it is with stand up.

It's like a hypnosis.

It's like they're hypnotizing, they're so locked in,

and they believe so much what they're saying

that you believe it too.

- Right, it's truth.

It's that the scene reads as truth.

- True.

- You're not making, there's times when you're watching

something and you're like, I don't buy that.

And that's why you step out.

- Right.

- You step out 'cause you're like, that's not.

- It's performative.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, you realize that someone is performing

rather than being like really locked into it,

whatever it is.

- Somebody said one time and I totally agree.

It's like one of the reasons why we revere Denzel so much

is like every time he's on screen,

you believe every choice that he makes.

- Yes.

- You know, you're just like, I believe this.

- Yeah, there's only a few people like that.

You know, Claire Danes is definitely one of them.

- She's fantastic.

- So good, dude.

I mean, I don't wanna give away any parts of it,

but there's this one part where she finds something out

and they're fucking whole face start shaking.

- Yeah.

- I was like, how are you even doing that?

- Yeah.

- She starts breathing, nothing freaks me out more

than someone that finds out something crazy

and doesn't have like a physical reaction to it.

'Cause anybody that's ever had anything crazy happen to him,

your heart starts racing.

- Yeah.

- You can't breathe.

- Yeah.

- And some people just don't nail that.

But she nailed it so hard.

I felt like she really believed it.

- Yeah.

- You know, and I believe, I'm like, oh my God.

- Yeah, you start freaking out too.

- That scene was so good that as I was watching,

I was like, damn, she's good.

- Yeah.

- That's why I was thinking during the scene.

I was like, damn, she's good.

- You have to call me when you finish this.

- I will.

It's so good.

- She ruled in Homeland too.

She was great in that too.

- Yeah.

She's really a tremendous actress.

- Did you ever see the conversation she had?

(laughs)

She had a conversation with a fucking with his name,

the vaccine dancer guy, Colbert.

And like, she was talking about the CIA being involved

in all sorts of different things.

And see if you can find it because he like,

changes the subject like immediately.

- Really?

- Yeah, because she's like, saying wild shit about the CIA.

Well, the CIA being involved in, I forget exactly

the context of what you were saying.

It's something, here it is.

- Spy camp for us producers and writers.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Is it like, you know.

- Yeah, so we park ourselves in a club in Georgetown

and talk to like, real, spooks.

And, you know, people in the intelligence community

and the State Department and journalists

and people who really-

- What do they tell you that like,

what's the most surprising thing

that they've told you about their jobs

or something you would need to know for them?

- Well, every year, it's different, right?

With an out of for a while.

And the climate has been has changed.

But this year it was all about, you know,

the distrust between the administration

and the intelligence world.

And, and the intelligence community

was suddenly kind of outlying itself with journalists,

which usually they're not going to start shooting this app.

- Yeah, how long have you started doing this?

- Yeah, like, the intelligence community

aligns itself with journalists

to try to get rid of the president.

- I had one time, this was not the same thing,

but I had a, I know somebody who was very high up,

I'll just say in the intelligence community

and is older now.

And I have a relationship with them.

And I was talking, sometimes we would talk through,

it was through, you know, my parents

that knew these people.

And I was, I would love to talk to this person

because they were so not just well informed, intelligent,

like fun to have a conversation with.

And I was on the phone with them.

And as I asked a question, they go, not on the phone.

And I, and I kind of was like, repeating myself,

like, they go, not on the phone.

I was like, oh, like it just,

it gives, one of those moments where I felt,

I was like, okay, I was like, yeah, I'll see you later.

Sorry.

(laughing)

I got so scared.

Like, I felt like I violated it.

- I'm sure every phone call they make is being recorded.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, especially if you have inside information

about something very important,

you're supposed to stay secret about it.

- Yeah.

- And you start blamming, hanging out in Scottsdale,

doing blow, talking about what you and Syria.

- They find you.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You end up getting whacked by some crazy person

that kills himself.

- Car accident.

- Yeah, something happens.

You know about this MIT Fusion guy that got assassinated?

- Mm-hmm.

- Supposedly, the same guy who assassinated the MIT Fusion guy,

also went to Brown University and shot people at Brown

and then killed himself.

- Really?

- Yeah, and a lot of people are like, what?

- This guy was working on groundbreaking energy.

He was working on Fusion at MIT.

And he was also talking about the polls,

the earth's polls shifting,

and that this is a natural process that happens

that we have to do to keep our magnetosphere,

that protects us from the fucking rays of space.

- What is our world, dude?

What is happening?

- There's a lot of people that get killed

because they are inventing things

that are going to disrupt industries.

That's what I believe.

- And this is why we scroll, take six hours on TikTok.

It's just like, I don't wanna fucking...

- Yeah, you don't wanna know.

You don't, certain things you don't wanna know

and Kirk Metzger texted me all of them.

- Really?

- Text me all of them.

Everything that I don't wanna know,

it shows up in my fuck,

or Dylan, Tim Dillon texted me all of them.

And I texted to them too if I find something out.

'Cause there's just so much nutty shit in the world

where you're like, what is going on?

Like people getting whacked and ugh.

Yeah, it can overwhelm you.

- They can overwhelm you, yeah.

- And I know so many people

that are like legitimately mentally ill

because they dwell on that stuff all day long.

- Which is why we need the escape.

- Yeah, you need something.

And you also should limit your amount of time

at your exposed to all that psychotic behavior.

- Yeah.

- Because it starts shaping the way you view people.

And if you interact with people more on social media

then you do in real life, it can really fuck your head up.

- So many people do that.

- A lot of people, a lot of people do that.

- Yeah.

- Especially, that was one of the real problems

during COVID too, so that people were isolated.

And that was the only way they were interacting

with each other.

- The fucked up thing is you realize

how much those people end up like losing

that connection with other like real people.

They think that this is--

- Yeah, they think this is real life.

- This is the real world.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, they live in the comment section, you know?

- It's crazy.

- It's just such a like, it's like eating food

that has no nutrients in it.

And your body's just freaking out.

Like where the fuck are the vitamins?

- Yeah.

- There's no vitamins in it.

It's just nonsense.

And it's also like what percentage of it is even real people?

It's not 100.

There's a bunch of it.

It's just like bad actors from other countries

and people with fucking flags and their bios

and who knows what is going on.

And it's all just to try to shape narratives.

We're involved in it, Russia's involved, China's involved,

corporations are involved.

There's like entire companies that are based around

crowd campaigns about organizing attacks

on individuals, organizing narrative control

or organizing, pushing a certain narrative.

Entire businesses are built on that.

Where they try to shape things and make things go viral.

Yeah, it's nuts.

- There's, oh my god, there's so much.

- Complete new part of our society

that didn't exist before.

And it shapes the way we view the world

and it's being purposely manipulated by people.

And it's legal because safeguards haven't put into place.

- And also the amount of times that like people

are talking to bots and like losing themselves,

I don't mean like a scam.

I mean like fucking, they're interacting

just like with, you're interacting with a computer right now.

- Uh-huh, yeah.

All the time.

I started getting these weird WhatsApp group texts

of investors, people investing in things,

how much money they're making.

This is incredible.

Sign me up and like all these random fake people

will be in the little, little group chat talking about how,

oh, I can't wait to get involved in this.

You know, I'm gonna go all in on this.

And then trying to get you to go,

oh, I should go all in.

- I wanna go in too.

- I should give you money.

- Come take a, come take a bigger position.

- Can I wire some money to you?

- Fuck man.

- And so many dumbasses get sucked into things like that.

The best though is when it happens to, like somebody will be like,

I sent 80 grand of Brad Pitt and they're like, what?

(laughing)

They're like Brad Pitt was like messaging me

and it's just like some 60 year old lady.

And she was like, it was, you know, it just felt so real.

And it's like, it's like a deep fake.

He's like, hi Amanda, how are you today, my love?

If you could just send me $30,000 to get out of this.

And then she's like, and I did it.

I feel like an idiot.

And you're like, yeah, you fucking thought Brad Pitt

needed 30 grand.

- Well here's the thing, if you've got a scam,

like there's certain scams we allow, right?

- Yeah.

- Like here's one, televangelist, we allow that scam.

'Cause if you're so dumb that you think Robert Tilden

has got a red line, direct line to Jesus.

- Yeah.

- You know, go ahead.

- You wanna ride a chick to me?

- Yeah.

- So the devil's gonna win.

- He bought like a G4.

- Oh yeah, yeah, they all do.

They all do.

This is the one crazy guy that was pointing out the reporter

with the devil.

- No, that's not Robert Tilden.

- No, but that's the guy that he bought that guy.

- 'Cause she was asking him about that line.

- Tyler Perry gave me such a deal.

- Yeah.

- Boy, he's just like, I had to take this blank.

- Oh my God.

- That guy looks crazy.

- That guy's crazy.

- Yeah, he looks scary.

But that scam, we allow.

You know, we allow certain scams.

- Yeah, we let that one go.

- Like if you're so dumb that you buy into that,

like that's not even illegal.

- I do feel so bad though, when it happens to the elderly.

I feel so terrible for them.

- It's terrible.

- That guy, this guy.

- Kenneth Copeland.

- Yeah, this guy's--

- What is, what is it?

That dirty finger.

- Do you imagine that dirty finger in your asshole?

- He's my playing, y'all.

- Dirty playing.

- Well, the Televangel is defense using private aircraft

in viral exchange.

- Yeah.

- Medea gain a deal.

- He's got to do all of his work.

- He's got to do all that work.

- Preacher who wants $54 million jet will donate old jet.

- Oh, good guy.

What a sweet guy.

- Which that guy?

Jesse Duplantis.

- So like, those guys, we allow that.

We allow that kind of thing.

- Which is crazy, they should be in prison.

They're fucking scumbags.

- Yeah, but they're getting people to voluntarily get the money.

- Which is weird.

- Then there was the guy.

- This guy asked his congregation

for $65 million to buy a jet.

- Do you remember the one that was like lock the doors?

And that was a whole scandal?

He's like, shut the doors.

Lock the doors.

- Oh, for what?

- For donations.

- He's like, we're not, we're not leaving.

- Oh, that's right, that's right.

We're not leaving.

- Until you shut the doors.

- Yeah, who was that guy?

- Pastor Lock's church door demands $40,000.

- Yeah.

(laughing)

- Asher's closed the doors.

- There's a thousand of you close them doors.

Asher's closed the doors.

That is so crazy.

- Crazy.

- That's so crazy.

- Is it locked the doors?

- People fucking.

(laughing)

- Well, there was a thing during the,

what is it, Katrina, or what was it down in Houston?

So one of the floods, was that dude, the famous one?

- Oh yeah, the guy that has a big arena, yeah.

What's his name?

- Fuck, what is his name?

- Fuck's name, Jamie.

You know what I'm talking about?

- Big shed-eating grin.

- Yeah.

- Black hair.

- Joel Osteen.

- Osteen.

- That guy.

- Yeah.

- He wouldn't let the homeless go in there.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, he can't go.

- No, no, no, no.

- Like we need places to put people, not in here.

- Yeah.

- It's gonna be gross.

- People have lost their homes.

No, no, no, no, you can't shed on my floor.

- No.

- Get out of here.

(laughing)

- A power of Christ.

- I think he did eventually let everybody in under pressure.

- Wow.

- Everything eventually.

- They shamed him into it.

- Yeah.

- He realized like, oh yeah, I gotta,

what would Jesus do?

- I don't know, yeah.

- Jesus would just hire more people to clean up.

- Jesus would get the all new Global 7500.

- Yeah, Jesus would get a new Rolls Royce.

- Unreal.

- Yeah, they all do it though.

- That's what's funny.

They all have super expensive suits.

- And tax-free, right?

'Cause they go, this is religion.

- That's the nuttiest part.

That's the weird part about the scam.

- Is that you're allowed to be tax-free?

- Fuckin' A, that is weird.

- It is weird.

It's also weird when you think about

what happens on the corporate level.

That there's these corporations

that make like hundreds of billions of dollars.

And they're like, yeah, they didn't pay tax on this.

'Cause they're this corporation.

- Right, those are tax loopholes though.

- Yeah, well, funnel it to Ireland

and then not pay tax on it.

- Well, supposedly that's what Jeffery Epstein did for people.

- Foundless tax loopholes.

- He helped people with tax loopholes

and help rich people figure out how to save money.

- I mean, look, it exists for a reason, right?

- Well, scumbags, they've all put it in place, you know?

- Power's the ego, I got you.

- They just want to make sure

that they keep the most amount of money possible.

- Yeah.

And then there's that thing,

we're like, no one should be a billionaire.

Well, okay, hang on.

Do you like having a fucking iPhone?

- Yeah.

- Somebody had to make that.

They're working 16 hours a day.

Like, you don't want to be Tim Cook.

I'm not saying, you know what I'm saying?

You don't want to be Steve Jobs.

Guy died young because of it.

- But I guess the argument

that some people make against that

is not that that guy shouldn't be wealthy.

It's that when they have this over abundance of wealth

and that the people that also work there

don't have like certain health coverage

or something, you're like,

really like these Amazon warehouse guys

are like fucking dying in the warehouse.

- Are they?

- Well, I mean, they talk about these work conditions

that are sometimes deplorable, right?

And then you have the people at the top

with like hundreds of billions of dollars.

Like you can't trickle any of that down

to like some of your workers.

That always seems like a legit complaint

from people to me.

- Oh, for sure.

- Yeah.

I mean, listen, if they didn't work,

you would have nothing.

- Exactly.

That's what's weird.

- This guy's doing like 15 dollars an hour.

- But if he didn't start the company,

they wouldn't have a job.

- True.

- But, you know, sorry, I'm pointing time.

It just comes like spread it around a little bit.

- Yeah.

- Spread it around.

- It seems like a good--

- Probably better for everybody if you spread it around.

Maybe people wouldn't hate it as much.

There's always gonna be people that like,

you should donate it all.

I mean, that's like the beautiful utopian--

- There's that one that did it too.

Was it the Patagonia guy?

- Did he?

- I think it's the Patagonia guy

that became a legit billionaire

and donated almost every fucking penny of it.

I think it's him.

- You know, that's something I love to change the world.

I love to change the world, but I don't know what to do.

- Is that right, Jamie?

Was it him?

- I mean, I thought I'd been better going out.

- First just typed in billionaire

that gave donated everything

and another guy popped up.

- It's probably bunch of stuff.

- It's one of the outdoor, you know, apparel people.

So outdoor apparel billionaire,

who literally I think gave away like 98% of his--

- Yeah, I had to go on your guy.

- Yeah, the dude like kept like--

- Where'd he give it to?

'Cause somebody probably took his money.

- He'd probably live it on a yacht somewhere.

- That's the problem.

- I think he gave it to like a lot of land preservation

type of things, you know. - Oh, good stuff.

- Yeah.

- Things that make sense.

- I'm pretty sure.

- That's smart if you're an outdoor company.

- Yeah.

- And that's what you love.

- But it is like that almost unbelievable, you know,

I mean, level of generosity.

That a guy, one in capitalism and to that degree

and was like--

- He probably did mushrooms one day.

- It was like, what am I doing?

What am I doing?

I'm living in, this is a prison.

- Yeah.

- I'm being imprisoned by all this money.

- Yeah, maybe.

- Sam Walden was apparently like pretty down to earth too,

you know, the Walmart guy, got started.

Yeah, I mean, he drove his like old pickup truck

even when shit was like really, I mean,

he died a long time ago.

His kids don't live like that.

- Oh, he yelled at him.

- Yeah, old pickup truck.

- If I was Joe Ideas.

- The fuck you doing with this old pickup truck?

You're ballin' now, Cocksucker.

Get a fucking Cadillac at least.

- Yeah, his children and grandchildren live

a very different life.

- Of course.

- Yeah, they're nipple babies.

- Yeah, yeah, that's not good.

That's a tough way to live.

- Yeah, yeah.

- When Forbes named Sam Walden America's richest man,

October 28th, 1985, people were shocked to discovery,

lived a humble life in Bentonville, Arkansas,

with a muddy bird dog running around the yard.

He was America's richest man in 1985.

He also surprised choice of vehicles, 1979 Ford F-150,

but as Sam said, why do I drive a pickup truck?

What am I supposed to do?

All my dogs around in a Rolls Royce?

- It's just blood who he was.

- Yeah.

- Also, it's different, I think, when you,

he made it to that level as like,

- A regular guy.

- And he was already like, in his 40s or something,

50s, like it was just different for him.

He wasn't handed anything.

- Don't forget who you are.

Don't forget who you are, Cocksucker.

- Yeah, he didn't.

Well, some people do.

- Yeah.

- And that is weird too, right?

- Yeah.

- It's weird when people change, like radically.

- So, radically?

- Yeah.

- And but also that level of wealth is like,

not something that most people can even--

- Comprehend.

- No, you can't comprehend billions.

He was the richest man in the world.

- Yeah.

- And he drove a pickup truck with a bunch of dogs.

Like, what do you do with your money?

- I was watching that documentary

about the murder in Monaco.

Did you watch that one?

- No, what's that one?

- That one was about a guy who was

one of the 200 wealthiest people in the world.

Safran, I think it's his last name?

He was a banker.

And he lived an ostentatious life.

I mean, like, out of control, humongous villas.

- Yeah.

- 25 security guards around him all the time.

- And was like a target.

And he was murdered in his penthouse in Monaco.

- What was he doing that everybody wanted him dead?

- He just had a lot of--

Well, one of the things is that he invested,

or was like one of the people that got this Russian,

I don't know if it was like Russian crypto,

some type of currency or stock market in Russia

that collapsed when Russia devalued their currency

by like 75% all sudden one year.

So billions of dollars disappeared from people.

And so he became like a target of the Russians.

But he also had connections to a lot of government.

When you're a high level banker with banks everywhere,

you're deeply connected to some, like, not so great people.

And so there was always like who did it.

And then his wife, who it was, she's,

I think she was, he was her fourth husband.

Also had two other husbands die.

(laughing)

One of them was like the richest guy in Brazil.

He died. - Oh boy, oh boy.

- And then people suspected that this guy,

Saffron's nurse, may have killed him.

And this was what the documentary was about

and they interviewed him.

And like the documentary supposed,

like when the documentary-- - It's male nurse.

- Male nurse, who, and he was convicted.

He was convicted and he served like 10 years.

And then he's in the documentary doing the interview, right?

Like they keep interviewing him and other people.

And then it's like the documentary ends.

And then the documentary filmmaker is like,

this was where the documentary was supposed to end.

But this guy, who we just did this documentary

about this male nurse, as we were in post-production

on this, got arrested for,

he did like some forged check shit.

I think maybe in Arizona and got locked up.

And his cellmate was like, yeah,

he tried to hire me to kill his ex-wife.

So then he got put on trial for soliciting

to murder his ex-wife.

And then they go and interview him again.

He was like, no, it's all bullshit.

Man, I'm telling you, this fucking bull.

He's like, it's very strange.

And it's like, it's one of those things where you're like,

you don't think it's the guy and then you do think it's the guy.

- What's it called?

- I think it's called murder in Monaco.

Monaco's a crazy place, have you been there?

- I've never been to Monaco.

- I've been.

- It's really wild though.

- It's weird.

- There's so much money there.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Everywhere you look is a Rolls Royce or a Ferrari.

- It's like, what is going on here?

- Highest amount of millionaires and billionaires

in the geographic square mile or whatever.

'Cause it's so small actually.

- Right, and if you have residency there,

I believe there's crazy tax benefits.

- You don't pay taxes?

- You don't pay taxes.

And guess what, when the husband died,

the wife got her Monaco citizenship like that week

and then inherited the money that didn't pay tax.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

- How hard is it to get a Monaco citizenship?

- I bet it's somewhat challenging.

- Really?

- I think so.

I don't know.

- Got to meet the right people.

- I would assume, I mean, I know like, for instance,

you know where it's like impossible

and there's great benefits to it as UAE.

They don't give that shit to anybody.

- Oh really?

- Yeah, you gotta be from there.

- And that's the same kind of benefits, right?

- Yes, massive, massive benefits of being a,

there's even a thing, if you're a UAE citizen,

like if we have the same job

and you're a non-citizen and I am a citizen,

I get double your salary, just from being from UAE.

Things like that, government will also pay for your housing,

give you a car, pay for your education, yeah.

But they have a small, one of the reasons they have extreme

wealth, but they also don't have a high population

of native citizens.

So they're able to do things like that also.

And they have insane oil money.

- Insane, especially in Abu Dhabi.

- Well, that's when people talk about like,

the richest man in the world.

- Yeah.

- Like, okay, publicly?

- Yeah.

- But those guys don't have to tell you how much money they have.

- There's also a big difference between being

extremely wealthy, holding stock

and extremely wealthy holding cash.

That's a real big difference.

- Yeah.

- Well, that's why what's wild, what these guys are doing,

what like the Saudi Arabians are doing with boxing,

'cause they're just going, what do you guys want to see?

- Yeah.

- Okay, let me call that guy.

We'll give you $100 million, like what?

- Yeah, and then they're like, that ain't shit.

That's fine.

Yeah.

- Yeah.

- That Saudi entertainment fund is,

it's bananas.

- It's just the government's fund.

- What was it like doing that re-adfestival?

- Fantastic.

- Yeah.

- It was fantastic.

I mean, the people there were amazing.

Like, you know, there's always like,

you look at things on the news and you have your preconceived

notion of like, what things are.

- Right.

- But when you're on the ground somewhere

and you're with people, you know,

I was just meeting wonderful people.

We went to the, they had the comedy club there.

We went to the club.

Like, not what we were brought there to do.

Like, they had like comedy pod, I think it's called.

And it was just like, I mean, it was just Saudi,

like, local people.

And the crowd was just citizens.

It was like, and they were all just so warm and welcoming

and they were such huge admirers of ours.

Of like, American comedy and American podcasts.

And they were just super sweet.

Like, they were so genuine.

- And what is the restrictions in terms of like language

and subject matter?

- So everybody was highly, highly, highly well versed

in not just English, but like American pop culture.

So everything we talked about, they got everything.

You know, they got everything.

I mean, I went, one the night before I went to see

Jimmy Carr and Louis perform.

And like, I was like, holy shit, they get like,

even like the little throwaway lines.

You know, like the things that aren't even like the bit,

like the little jokes.

The only restriction that we were,

that we had was about Islam and the royals.

That was it.

Which wasn't really a hard thing for most people

to adhere to because like, you know, like me

and those guys like, we didn't have Islam or royal jokes.

We weren't, we weren't cutting anything for our acts.

So I was like, yeah, by the way, when we did UAE,

you know, like Dubai and Abu Dhabi,

they were like, do not talk about the same thing.

Don't talk about our royals.

Don't talk about Islam.

Don't be like super graphic about it.

But then we did do graphic stuff.

And they're like, yeah, that's fine.

They're like, just take it easy on the,

on the royals and on Islam.

But I was like, yes, that's not a challenge for me.

But the country, like as far as like the people

that we met, they were all fantastic.

They were really sweet people.

It's just, people have a weirdness of like,

you're going over there because the Saudi royal family

has the money, right?

- The Saudi family is the family

that funds the entertainment fund.

- Right.

- Then people were like, they would accuse me

of what aboutism for saying that that's the same fund

that paid for Ed Sheeran to come and Beyonce to come

to do their shows.

And like, that's what, that's just facts.

Like, it's not what aboutism.

- Right.

- That's the money that funds entertainment.

- Right.

- And then some people will go, well, you should do it

if the money came from like, let's say a promoter.

But you're like, yeah, but that doesn't exist yet.

Do you know what I mean?

- Right.

- This is the system that's in place.

Now maybe in like--

- So who accused you of what aboutism?

- Just people were so vocally upset

that we went, yeah.

And I was like, I mean, first of all,

the way that I went was that I was doing Dubai.

I was like, I was booked to do Dubai, which is in UAE.

It was already announced, and then three months later,

I got a call and they're like, hey,

do you want to do reaud?

It's like a 90-minute flight.

I'm like, I'm in the fucking Middle East.

Yeah, I'll add a show, you know?

Like, I'm there.

It was like, rowdy.

- Did you know as a festival?

- I knew as a festival, and then they told me the lineup.

And the lineup was bananas.

It was like, Kevin Hart, Bill Burr, Dave Chippewt.

I was like, oh, I was like,

I was like, it sounds like a great lineup.

I didn't think really like that I was doing something

that would, I had no idea.

I had no idea.

You didn't think it would be something

that people would get offended by.

- I mean, when the people that were most offended

with the comics that weren't invited.

- Yeah.

- There's a lot of them.

- A lot of them were super vocal.

And I'm like, you can't sell a ticket in Houston.

I don't know why you're upset about reaud.

Like, no one's going to see you anyway.

- Right.

- It was a bunch of like 50-year-old feature acts

that were upset.

And then we went over there, had a great time.

And I actually think that one of the things

that was overlooked is the fact that we were all saying,

they're like, oh, you had to adhere to all of this.

Like, dude, I told you the two restrictions,

which we had didn't affect my act.

And I do think it's a sign of their progress

that they put on this festival

and that we were saying all kinds of wild shit,

like the shit that we say on stage,

without we didn't talk about Islam.

- Right.

- I mean, that wasn't a crazy thing to me.

Like, I think that that's showing

because what's happening actually there

is that right now the entertainment hub of the Middle East

is Dubai.

That is the entertainment hub of the Middle East.

That's where people go.

That's their Vegas.

Big shows, spectacles, all types of shit.

Saudi Arabia is like, no, we want to be the hub.

And they have super deep pockets.

And so they're trying to compete with Dubai in entertainment.

That's what the fuel of this is.

And putting on this festival,

to me felt like that's a path towards their goal

of entertainment can be here.

And they put on a great festival.

Treated us fantastic.

People get, I don't mind if people are like,

you can be mad, be mad about whatever you want.

I don't care.

But as an experience, it was an amazing experience.

And I do think that they'll continue to put on these festivals.

It'll be very interesting to watch

as this festival continues, who goes,

who gets invited and goes,

who was against it at the beginning.

'Cause you know it's gonna be a few people.

And I have some screenshots that I've said.

So we'll see who goes.

- Maybe, perhaps, it's interesting.

It's interesting that comics are held to a higher standard

than singers or other people that perform over there.

- Yeah, I mean.

- It is weird though, because it's like,

comedy uniquely challenges the idea of free speech.

- Yeah, sure, yeah, that makes sense.

- Yeah, yeah.

But I mean.

- 'Cause it's not like if someone says don't sing any songs

with Islam, you're like, well, I don't have any songs.

- But I have to say that also,

like some of these comics who are saying this,

like, oh, you know, you don't have free speech

and you adhere to these restrictions.

It's like, have you ever done a private,

have you ever done a university?

I have.

- Yeah.

- They had restrictions, you know?

They were like, don't talk about our mascot.

Don't talk about this, don't talk about that.

- Yeah, and specifically, if you don't have that in your act already,

then the question is, should you be working for those people

because of what happened with Jamal Kashoggi?

That's everyone's big argument.

- I think Dave had the best line about that.

- Yeah.

- It's like Israel killed 240 journalists last month.

- Yeah.

- You know, like, what are you talking about?

- I mean, it's--

- For the last three months.

- It's a fair point.

- It is a fair point.

- Yeah.

- It's just different, right?

Like one guy was sought up in an embassy

in a way in two cases.

It's not good.

- It's a horrific what happened.

But also, I mean, if you want to like go down

that line of that argument.

- Then you shouldn't be working in America either.

- I mean, that's like, are we saying

that only their awful thing is worth fighting against?

- They're funding it, right?

As opposed to like, if you work in America,

it's not the CIA doesn't fund a comedy show.

- Sure.

- Okay, well, I mean, there's a lot of ways to look at it

and if it really upsets you, my position is good.

- Well, the other thing--

- Let it upset you.

- Yeah, let it upset you.

The other thing that, like, culturally,

it is a good thing to bring great comics over to Saudi Arabia.

- I think so.

- Good for people to hear what these Jimmy Carr and you

and Louis and Bill and all these comics have to say

and Dave, it's a good thing for the culture.

Like, it's a good thing to open up society.

And it seems like outside of this whole Jamal Khashoggi

thing, which, again, is undefensible, right?

- Yeah.

- Outside of that, this is a more progressive organization.

Like, they are letting women drive now.

They're like slowly, this is coming into a more modern--

- It is a sign of progress.

Whether people accept that or not,

it is a sign of progress there.

- Yeah, it doesn't help the people there

if you never interact with them ever again

because it's something their government did.

- Exactly.

And I have to tell you, if you saw the faces

of these people that we were performing for,

and the, I mean, when you could,

sometimes they're like this, but how genuinely

thankful and excited they were to be at these shows,

it was awesome.

- If you lived in Saudi Arabia,

you never would imagine you'd see a lineup like that.

- Oh my God.

- I mean, some of the guys, they were telling us,

they were like, dude, like 10 years ago,

they're like, nothing like this could have ever,

ever happened here.

So I don't know how you don't see that

as some type of progress.

- What's up, Jamie?

- I just stumbled across something insane.

- What?

- The Susanne's Justice Websites Justice.com.

- Jamie scrolled on Justice Websites.

- No, I just saw a tweet and clicked the link.

- Okay.

- Let's see.

- What is this?

- Corner of the screens is J. Epstein.

- Jeffrey Epstein killing himself?

- What?

- It's the date.

- So what is he doing here?

- Don't know.

- It's a 12 second video that someone found on their website.

- Can you see that again?

Put that up.

- Can you pause it and make it larger?

So is he hanging himself there?

Is that what this is?

- It looks like he's leaning on the screen

'cause I don't know how many of this is.

But I don't even know if that's like what is,

it looks like plain white hair.

I don't know if it was, you know?

- Well, he definitely had white hair.

- But like, that's the date.

- Is that him with a thing wrapped around his neck

and he's trying to kill himself?

- I don't, that's a lot of stress.

- So one thing that's important was,

he had a previous suicide attempt supposedly.

- When he was locked up.

- Yeah.

- I mean, that's one of the reasons why

he was under like 24 hour supervision.

That's the case, right?

Didn't he have a previous suicide attempt?

- I don't even know if someone found this.

- That's crazy.

- That's on the government website.

- But you imagine that they've had

this footage the whole time?

Is that real?

- I'll show you how I found it.

- Yeah, but you know what I'm saying?

It's like, who knows what's real?

I watched a cruise ship hit a bridge

in the bridge fell apart and everybody died.

It's fake.

- It's fake?

- Oh yeah, for like a half of a second though.

I was like,

yeah, like, oh my God, I thought it happened today.

Like, yeah, yeah, new tragedy.

And then I'm like, wait a minute.

- How much better are they gonna get at that, too?

- Oh, it's gonna be impossible to tell.

It's so much better than it just was just

a couple of years ago.

- That's just someone guessed the URL

of the files that were uploaded to DOJ's website

that were not announced yet and found the video.

- Holy fuck.

- Okay, and then the correct answer is 100% fake.

- Oh, but it's on that website still, which is.

- It's on the Justice Department

which I guess means it's fake shit on the website.

- Oh boy.

- This video is 100% fake with the video

indeed released by the DOJ, it seems.

It's a collection of files collected by investigators

in this fake video originated on 4chan.

(laughing)

- So even their 4chan strikes again.

Yeah, man, it's gonna be impossible to know in the future.

There's no way to tell.

- There's no way.

There's no way. - There's gonna get

real fucking weird.

- 'Cause already with the voice stuff is crazy.

Like, I can listen to something for like your voice

and I'll be like, and then find out that it's fake.

- They can alter it to make you excited,

make you little sad here.

- And in your case, in my case,

there's just thousands of hours of a speak.

So it's even easier.

- Oh yeah.

And that won't even matter in the future.

It's like with the newer technology,

they'll be able to manipulate it.

And it's gonna get way better.

That's what, I mean, what does that even mean?

- What is it mean?

- Tom Sigerra, tell everybody once again.

- Guys, pause some comedy special.

- It's called Teacher, it's on Netflix.

What does this come out?

- You're in the hip.

- Sorry, I didn't mean to play it sound like this.

- This'll be out tomorrow, so.

- Oh great, yeah.

- So it's just Christmas Eve.

- It comes out Christmas Eve.

- Christmas Eve.

- On Netflix, it's called Teacher.

I'm very excited about it.

I thank you so much for watching it.

Over this holiday break.

- It's a good time to release.

- I tore it for two years to get ready for this one.

I'm very happy with it.

So I hope you enjoy it.

- Well, if it's any of the stuff

that I've been watching, it's gonna be awesome.

- Thanks brother. - I'm killing it.

- Thank you so much.

- You're beautiful to see.

- I'm excited.

- I'm happy.

- All right, that's it.

Bye everybody, Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

(upbeat music)

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